Secret tapes released declassifying George Bush / Tony Blair Discussions; The Sexual Conspiracy

Funny story written by kungfuiceskater

Friday, 30 April 2004


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In January 2002 the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, met the leader of the free world "W", to discuss changes in the world's political and social landscape. The following text (provided to writer KungFu IceSkater) is an "un-declassified" transcript of a private interview between the British Prime Minister and "W".

W: "We gotta kick some desert butt."

British PM: "Right you are."

W:"I wanna ram my Dodge, hemmy, pick up truck, in that Osama's rear end."

British PM: "My honorable friend, let me think about that"

W: "Damn, chronic smoking, excessively bearded be-att-chh!!!! He needs to be drug tested for distilled opium!"

British PM: "Hmm, let me ponder on that."

W: "We've gotta make sure that these 2nd amendment (right to bear arms) hating leftist democrats, don't undo what I'm about to do, make no mistake about it. Leftist bastards!"

British PM: "Emm, George fellow, I am a leftist. I'm with the labor party."

W: "No kidding, come on sissy, move over to the right. This is a wake up call for you buddy!"

British PM: (Silent).

W: "That was just a joke."

British PM: "Precisely. Speaking of elections, what's your "win, win" strategy? Special interests, strategic committees, war?"

W: "The last time it was sex."

British PM: "Do you mean Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky?"

W: "No I'm George Bush, so I had to pick Dick Cheney. You know Bush and Dick........bush and dick."

British PM: "Excuse me, chappy."

W: "You know, bush and dick. Dick goes in bush. You know, sex."

British PM: "Ah."

W: "Sex works all the time."

British PM: "Really?"

W:" Yeah, you know sex sells. Look at the size of the porn industry, everyone buys it."

British PM: "But wouldn't you rather be the dick than the bush?"

W: Silent.

BritishPM: "Of course, you wouldn't want your "sexual persuasion" misinterpreted. You are straight aren't you?"

W: Silent.

W: "You know I never really thought about that, let me call you straight back."

W hangs up and dials Ari Fleischer on the hot line.

Ari: "The President's office."

W: "Ari, get Dick Cheney to say something that supports gays on TV. Also, think of a way that I can launch an attack on gays. I'm coming after them, make no mistake about it. WE'RE CHANGING THE CONSTITUTION!!!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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