There were 195 spoof news stories published in December 2003. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Reality Scoop - Trista and Ryan's Divorce
Citing irreconcilable bank accounts, Trista and Ryan of 'The bachelorette' fame have filed for divorce just weeks after their on-TV wedding.
Read full storyCharles Manson Released From Prison
A California Judge has ordered the immediate release of Charles Manson from prison. Manson was serving a life sentence after he was convicted of seven counts of first-degree murder almost 35 years ago.
Read full storyStupid Slogans
You know, there is an advertising slogan so illogical and frustrating that I cannot and will not allow it to go uncritiqued anymore (I have been losing sleep over this). It is for a certain chain of restaurants here in America (maybe started abroad). The restaurant is Outback Steakhouse and it's slogan is — No Rules, Just Right.
Read full storySixth Harry Potter book to be X-rated
Bloomsbury has only just announced that the sixth Harry Potter book, the name revealed to be "Harry Potter and the Bondage of Volemort" is to be X-rated. The announcement is set to devastate millions of youngsters across the world.
Read full storyTom Hanks A Violent Drunk, Friends Say
The most beloved personality of our generation seems to have a hidden dark side according to those close to him. Tom Hanks (not to be confused with Tom Cruise) apparently can't control his emotions once he has partaken of adult beverages.
Read full storyMichael Jackson Verdict
NEVERLAND RANCH -- After a tolling and restless trial, Michael Jackson was found unanimously innocent by the Los Angeles Superior Court on Thursday afternoon. Standing arm-in-arm with his lawyer, Michael bid a fond greeting complete with silly laugh...
Read full storyKermit The Frog Endorses Howard Dean
Montpelier Vermont: In a speech to save the nations wet lands, entertainer Kermit The Frog announced that he will back former Vermont Governor Howard Dean's bid for the 2004 Democratic nomination.
Read full storyTV Talk: Trista Pregnant, Ryan Furious
Confirming circulating rumors that have been the buzz of the underground reality TV circuit, Trista (of "The Bachelorette" and "Trista & Ryan's Wedding" fame) has confirmed that she is indeed with child... and it's NOT Rya...
Read full storyComing Soon: Survivor 9
Earlier today, CBS President Les Moonves announced that with the Fall 2004 season, there would be some "big changes" to the format of their wildly popular "Survivor" program. CBS announced earlier this year that it would be airing the 8th Survivor, "...
Read full storyCradle of Filth to be Christmas Number 1
The latest UK music singles sales figures suggest that Death Metal band Cradle of Filth are on course for their first Christmas number 1.
Read full storyTaco Bell Dog Enters Rehab
Los Angeles California Former Taco Bell spokesman "Guapo El Perro" checked into the Betty Ford clinic today for treatment related to alcohol abuse. Mr. El Perro's agent Joseph Camel stated that hard times have fallen on the once beloved mascot in the years since his contract with Taco Bell was dropped. "Mr. El Perro is commited to winning his battle with alcoholism and...
Read full storyMatrix 4 in the Pipeline
The Wachowski Bros. are reported to be in the late stages of writing the script for a continuing episode to their Matrix series. Titled, "Beginnings", Matrix 4 depicts the build up to the rise of the machines against the human race and is a...
Read full storyA New Alternative to Fossil Fuels?
Several days ago eyewitnesses at a Californian dock caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a man producing fire from his hiney-hole!...
Read full storyKeanu Reeves Home Raided For Animal Endangerment
Early Tuesday morning the Los Angeles County sheriffs department raided actor Keanu Reeves' Hollywood estate. The raid took place after an anonymous tip made the week before. Reeves was taken out in hand cuffs and animal control officers carted off d...
Read full storyMick Jagger Turns Down Knighthood
In a stunning announcement, Mick Jagger, erstwhile gigolo and frontman for the Rolling Stones, declared that he would not be accepting his MBE (knighthood) from the Queen unless he could "shag some Royal arse anytime he pleases."...
Read full storyMichael Jackson: Sexiest Man Alive
People Magazine announced today its' selection for its' yearly Sexiest Man Alive---Michael Jackson.
Read full storyTom Cruise Cured of Dyslexia
American Superstar Tom Cruise has been cured of Dyslexia, Tokyo General Hospital announced recently.
Read full storyWhite House Unveils Global Warming PR Campaign
Washington DC: Responding to worldwide criticism of its environmental policies, the Bush Administration has announced a new public information and awareness campaign entitled "Beyond Kyoto: A New Look At Global Warming."...
Read full storyTerror alert system gets new "lavender" color: Chertoff's family worried
Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff announced yesterday that the five colors on the terror alert scale just aren't enough, and plans to add a sixth color - lavender - to the list. The new color is to be put between white, or "nor...
Read full storyCrackle, of famed trio Snap, Crackle, and Pop, dies
Crackle, of the famed trio that graced Rice Krispie boxes for decades, has passed away, a company spokesman said today.
Read full storyQueer Eye For That Saddam Guy
The Bravo Network is announcing that it has shot and will air an episode of its highly popular reality TV program in which some gay men do a total makeover on a needy heterosexual male.
Read full storyNo more nonsense sayings: it confuses the thicks
It has been announced today that people will be banned from saying things that dont make sense. The proposed penalty for such an offence will be a sharp greeting from Mr. Truncheon, followed by a swift frog march down to spend some time at Her Majest...
Read full storyChuckle Brothers Reveal Saddam as Long Lost Brother
The Brothers from Rotherham today announced that the evil Tyrant was in fact their long lost brother. It was a painful time for the brothers as they announced that Saddam Hussein (formally Saddam Chuckle), who was adopted at birth by an Iraqi family...
Read full storyKeith Richards Arrested For Turning 60
Sussex- Rolling Stones Guitarist Keith Richards has been arrested on charges of "turning 60 without dying yet."...
Read full storyPope says 'yes' to flavoured condoms
Pope John Paul II has advocated the used of flavoured condoms after Vatican researchers discovered they are technically classified as ‘novelty toys' rather than contraceptives.
Read full storyWave of Fast-Food Mascot Serial Murders Has Police Baffled
A shocked fast-food community is trying to come to grips with a wave of killings that apparently is only targeting their own super star personalities.
Read full storyPrincess Royal Put Down
In a bizarre veterinary accident, Princess Anne has been put down instead of her Bull Terrier, Florence. The Princess Royal had decided to kill her beloved pet after the dog had first torn apart one of her mothers Corgis then bit one of the maids at...
Read full storyScientists Discover Ancient Gargantuan Penis
On Friday December 5th Scientists claimed to have stumbled onto the largest and oldest penis on record. The penis was not damaged.
Read full storyAl Gore Caught Cross Dressing At New York Night Club!
Al Gore was caught in full "Drag" as he left The Lucky Lady Night Club off Broadway last Thursday. He claims to having taken up a job as an "exotic dancer" to cure his depression after loosing the 2000 Presidential Elections.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush's Long, Lost Twin Found!
In Washington yesterday, President George W. Bush was reunited with his long, lost twin brother, Greg, William Baker (Bush). For years it had been a secret in the Bush family that George had a twin.
Read full storyDemi Moore splits with Kutcher after love prank
Demi Moore has sensationally split up with younger boyfriend Ashton Kutcher - after discovering that their eight month relationship was a practical joke for his TV show ‘Punk'd'.
Read full storyBush To Eliminate Seperation of Church and State, Claims to Be "Divine"
Washington DC: Speaking from the White House Press Room, President Bush announced today that the US will do away with the notion of Church and State.
Read full storyCliff Richard Releases Late Christmas Single
Old School rock star, Sir Cliff Richard is due to release his Christmas single this Friday lagging far behind his competitors.
Read full storyNew Diet Water: Negative One Calorie
Coca Cola has announced the forthcoming release of its newest product line, Diet Water, which offers "not just zero calories---but negative one calorie" .
Read full storyBritney's Sexy Christmas Tree
Sexy Britney got a pleasant surprise when he got her Christmas tree home and it began singing raunchy Spice Girls hits.
Read full storySaddam Hussein Captured
Saddam Hussein has been found alive and well, living in a hole in downtown Tikrit, at about 10:50am (local time) on Saturday 13th December.
Read full storyBill Gates Confesses to being an alien!
In what is one of the most shocking relevations ever, Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft Inc. has confessed to being an alien. Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft expressed his surprise in a statement issued from his home where he is lying in a fetal posit...
Read full storyKeown to star in new Apes film
Arsenal footballer Martin Keown has landed a cameo role in the new Planet of the Apes film, set for release late next year.
Read full storySuper Bowl Canceled Amid Fears of Terrorist Attack
Houston, TX: Citing advice from the CIA and the Homeland Security Task Force based on evidence obtained from Saddam's recent capture, the NFL owners have voted unanimously to cancel the Super Bowl. "We were convinced that an attack on...
Read full storyMcDonalds to Shut Down Under Weight of PETA Protests
George Kroc, CEO of McDonalds, announced today that the hugely successful fast food franchise will be closing its doors for good at the end of the year due to intense pressure from the animal rights organization PETA.
Read full storySexy Suicide Bombers Get Their Kits Out
Christmas-time has traditionally proved difficult for the terrorist family.
Read full storyAlice Cooper 'accidentally stapled to floor'
Unfortunate rock-god Alice Cooper told of his Hell as his hands were stapled to the floor of his Los Angeles home. Cooper said, "I was having some fun with a staple gun, and look what happened."...
Read full storyRussell Crowe Has Ape Baby
AN OVERJOYED and proud Russell Crowe produced the missing link that evolutionary scientists have been searching for over a century.
Read full storyBeagle Probe Found
The Space Explorer Beagle has been found in the backyard of Festus P. Hyman in Billings, Montana.
Read full storyWal-Mart to please shoppers with Self Shopping carts!
Wal-Mart is set to unveil the latest member of their family this spring. This item will not be gracing their shelves however, but their sales floor itself. Self Shopping Carts will be introduced in late March to select stores and will be in all store...
Read full storyWar Erupts At Disney World
After the Seven Dwarves Security Council had passed resolution after resolution to force Donald Duck, ducktator of Frontierland, to allow weapons inspections in his part of the theme park, President Mickey Mouse ordered an invasion by Main Street USA...
Read full storyRoll of Bubble Wrap Now 2nd Democratic Frontrunner Behind Dean, Gaining
Des Moines, Iowa-A roll of bubble wrap discovered in the back of a UPS warehouse in Moscow, Idaho has thrown its hat into the political arena in the quest of the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.
Read full storyA Different Threat
Four Al Qaida Terrorists wearing flowing robes and keffiyahs were driving a rented Subaru Legacy Outback along a back road in Americas Catskill Mountains. They had a picture of Osama Bin Laden, you remember the one with Burt from the Muppets in the b...
Read full storyLimbaugh A Drug Lord, Dental Records Show
Conservative nationally syndicated radio talk-show host Rush Limbaugh has been indicted as a drug lord by the FBI. After a judge ordered that Mr. Limbaugh's dental records be revealed, a member of the Federal Bureau of Investigation made the conn...
Read full storyGovernment Bans Christmas Trees
The humble Christmas Tree's roots began over 1000 years ago when some Christian dude got peeved with a bunch of pagans worshipping an oak tree. To spite them, he chopped it down with his ye olde Black and Decker hand operated chain saw.
Read full storyCruise & Kidman Marriage was Contract
This story has been removed as per the requests made by Mr Cruise's lawyers.
Read full storyOzzy Osbourne's Quad Bike Crashed By A Bat Out Of Hell
Paranormal investigators were looking into claims that a ‘bat out of hell' was responsible for the tragic quad bike crash in which Ozzy suffered horrific injuries.
Read full storyLas Vegas Rocked By Terrorist Attack
Today approximately 1,500 terrorists attacked Sin City in an unprecedented and brilliant scheme. The attackers were all disguised as Elvis impersonators.
Read full storySaddam has BIN LAID-EN
Following a more thorough search of Saddam's bunker in Tikrit American soldiers came across this ''unusual'' photo underneath his pillow along-side a red rose and 2lbs of viagra.
Read full storyKurt Russell & Crowe: Ending a Road
HOLLYWOOD - These two superstars have made a public pact: to stop making films and start exploiting them. After realizing how many more millions they would never receive in distribution costs, they vowed never to create, and to only distort, terroriz...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's UK Tour to go ahead
Michael Jackson has said that he will be flying to the UK in the new year in order to promote his new album, Touching Bottoms.
Read full storyLife on Mars
The British mars Lander Beagle 2 has sent back dramatic photographs from Mars' surface. The photo taken from a separate part of the probe clearly shows that there is life on mars!...
Read full storyPikeys mourn those lost in disaster
TODAY was a solemn day for Scotland's community of Travellers, as they remembered those lost in the September 12th disaster. It was only a few months ago, that the disater occurred, when a McDonalds lorry, crashed into the capital of the Pikey se...
Read full storyClint Eastwood to Play Batman, Really
Hollywood, CA- Warner Bros. has just announced the long-awaited cast of the new Batman movie, with a stunning coup d'etat in the lead role: Clint Eastwood.
Read full storyYoda Signs 20 Million Dollar Contract For Next Star Wars Movie
Dagaboo Actor and Jedi Master Yoda reportedly signed a 20 million dollar deal today to continue the role of himself in the upcoming Star...
Read full storyWho's the Bitch? The Hardest Part of Being Gay
A recent poll from the Defence Department of Statistics (DDS) has concluded the number one difficulty of being a homosexual in America, is deciding who will assume the 'bitch' role in the relationship.
Read full storyGirlfriend's Australian Accent Getting Annoying
Todd Stevens, 25 of Gainesville, FL, says that the Australian accent of his girlfriend, Tamayra Irwin, 24, has gone from cute and charming to increasingly annoying over the past few months.
Read full storyBush Loses Chess Match to New Supercomputer
In a surprise turn of events today at the World Championship of Chess, President and Chess Master George W. Bush was defeated by IBM's newest super computer.
Read full storyNew Game: Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings
According to a small article in the New York Times, plans are being formulated by computer game manufacturer, EA (electronic arts), in which players can fight with the main characters from the two fantasies.
Read full storySpoofer's Rise To Glory, Fall From Grace: The Barbara Walters Interview
Spoof artist Blind Fool's rise in the spoofing entertainment industry has been as dramatic as it has been brief. But the writer's quick rise has been, in fact, too fast. The fame and gruelling schedule has proven too much for him.
Read full storyFrom our foreign correspondent - The Spoof Germany!
Three months ago, The Spoof inaugurated it's offices in Germany. After, a week of total mayhem....err...I mean, total boredom, we hired our new foreign correspondent. His name was Ichspreche Nichtenglisch. The German folk loved his reporting. Tha...
Read full storyScientists discover cure for Kelly Osbourne
Scientists in the U.S. have discovered a cure for the young pop rock banshee's eternal pathetic attempts to follow her father's foot steps.
Read full storyO.J. Still Looking For ‘Real Killer'
LOS ANGELES-O.J. Simpson today was seen combing downtown Los Angeles, searching the cosmopolitan stores, dining at the plush restaurants and visiting the rich and famous; all of part of what he says is his ‘Tireless search for the real killer.'...
Read full storyUK's Mars probe crashes on crashed US probe, which crashed on crashed Russian probe
In what scientists are describing as odd series of coincidences, the United Kingdom's spacecraft which was to land on Mars, called "Beagle 2", crashed landed directly on top of NASA's Polar Lander, which crashed on Mars in 1999.
Read full storyToothache
As the title might suggest to the more intellectually proficient among you, I have a tooth ache, so don’t expect me to be funny, charming, erudite or even mildly polite. My tooth hurts and when your tooth hurts you are absolved from all pretense of the social graces. It’s not like, say a bullet in the shoulder on the battlefield, where you can grit your teeth and mutter, “It’s ok, I’ll live; now l...
Read full storyRobbie Williams single in drugs storm
Robbie Williams' new single ‘Ecstasy' will be released on February 9, despite controversy over whether the song advocates the use of the Class A dance drug of the same name.
Read full storyTraffic Warden Fines introduced.
Tony Blair yesterday announced plans to introduce an unlimited fining system by which traffic wardens can be penalised for a wide variety of behaviour. The fines, starting at £30 can be imposed by any member of the public whilst a warden is on duty i...
Read full storyWhat a Turkey
On Thanksgiving morning I woke up, turned on CNN and was amazed to find out that George Bush had flown to Iraq for two and a half hours without any advance warning.
Read full storyTerror suspects granted full access to US courts, immediately sue McDonalds, "Big tobacco"
Immediately following California's 9th Circuit Federal Appeals Court ruling that suspected terrorists being held at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba should have access to lawyers and the American court system, all hell broke loose.
Read full storyPope sets date for Armageddon
In a shocking announcement from the Vatican this week Pope John-Paul revealed that he and a number of high ranking cardinals decided the date in a committee meeting last month. 26th March 2004 is the provisional date with Jesus' return tour expec...
Read full storyThe Domino Effect
A survey of Domino Pizza delivery drivers showed that those with Howard Dean for President bumper stickers on their cars were tipped better than those with Bush for President Stickers, according to a CNN report. The Bumper Sticker Survey, which has b...
Read full storyJacko Bites The Queen's Favourite Corgi, 'Gripper'-- Turns Albino Overnight
The Queen revealed her sensitive side when she was informed that her favourite corgi, Gripper, had been bitten by Michael Jackson.
Read full storyOld Bitch; Skater Chick at Heart
TINSLEY, AZ -- Today famed California State Senator Diane Finestein shocked 50 of the world greatest skaters when she took to the half pipe with presence.
Read full storyAriel Sharon and Yassar Arafat Secretly Wed
Jerusalem Hand in hand, Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian leader Yassar Arafat announced today that they were secretly wed thi...
Read full storyIs Religion too easy?
Religion versus science or science versus religion - whichever way you look at it, it the same question.
Read full storyDid ancient man control the weather?
For Millennia man has sought to control the weather. From the Stone Age to the modern day - farmers, magicians and lawyers have sought to influence the elements.
Read full storyCondoms Overrated
HOPE, ANSTRUM BAY -- The glitz has died down over the past several years, as boys and girls of all ages are no longer curious to see whether or not the modern-age invention condoms; actually work at all.
Read full storyA Trip To The Mall
One evening not long ago my wife and I found ourselves bound for our local shopping mall. She had to buy stuff, you see. Now, don’t get me wrong. Neither my wife nor I are really shoppers, so I don’t want to imply that she was out there just mindlessly spending money, especially since she’ll probably read this and if I make her look bad I’ll catch it hot big time. By the way, have I told you how b...
Read full storyHomer Simpson Gets Mugged
Homer Simpson received a Christmas surprise when a group of muggers went on a festive buying spree and emptied the shops of all his CDs and merchandise.
Read full storyPull off into paradise?
A boarding house situated in Blackpool has been charged with false advertising. Their slogan ‘pull off into paradise' has been targeted by the police because of its misleading nature. One policeman said ‘this catchphrase suggests that the boarding ho...
Read full storyTeen Kicks Marijuana Habit With Help of Cocaine
LAKEWOOD, CA-Richard Burton, a local high school student has reported to his friends and family that he has successfully released himself from the grip of a marijuana habit which had held him so tightly throughout his tenth and eleventh grade years.
Read full storyI am Totally Drunk Right Now.
Yes, I had a sort of bad day so I came home and enjoyed some wine in a box and it rocks and I like to rhyme but I don't have the time and tequila goes good with lime but the store is fresh out so my aunt has gout but little does she pout as I write about how drunk I am and I can still spell great because that's my job come Tuesday. It snowed hard today, and I hate snow like Michael...
Read full storySanta Off Target - Shock.
Santa Claus has been found hiding by American soldiers in a farmouse basement in a village near Tikrit, Iraq. Besides his bedraggled clothing, his only other posessions were a tin of Cherry Blossom brown boot polish and several gallons of grey hair d...
Read full storyJoe Horn Found In Fetal Position
Saint's wide receiver Joe Horn, was found Wednesday curled up in a fetal position in the bathroom at his home. He was naked and shivering and was quoted as saying, "I want my mommy." His friends who found him were surprised that the quiet and humble...
Read full storyGnomes go on strike!
The NUG (national union of Gnomes) announced this week that huge numbers of Gnomes will join others in striking this week in protest of low wages. 'Payment for Gnomes is a a record low, down 20% on last year. We thought we had ended Gnome discrim...
Read full storySpoof writer sacked after paedophile weblink scam
Famous Spoof writer Martyn Memberton has been sensationally sacked - after callously directing online readers to a police paedophile entrapment website if they rated his stories badly.
Read full storyRolling Stones to Roll into Iraq
Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger announced that the Rolling Stones will be playing in the deserts of Baghdad early next year.
Read full storyDoctor Who unveils new TARDIS
Doctor Who, famous Time Lord and owner of 300 Millets scarves, revealed his newest form of transport today, using a shiny brand-spanking-new TARDIS device.
Read full storyMichael Douglas Is Only Half The Man He Used To Be
‘Tinsel Town' was in a state of panic last night when it was found that a deadly, new strain of virus was causing celebrities to shrink.
Read full storyWith Apologies To Rudyard Kipling
If you can get ahead when all about you are losing...
Read full storyTat-a! Blackole
Residents of Blackole say they are "sick and tired of cheap tat". The high street, Blackole, looks like any high street at first glance. But look again. None of the shops have anything worth buying.!...
Read full storyStatue of Liberty To Have New Home!
The Statue of Liberty was purchased by a Baptist Church in the Heartland of the U.S. today. The First Church of Baptist purchased the landmark from the city of New York for a whopping 235 million dollars.
Read full storySaddam Rates Cleveland
In a stunning development, United States Pro Consul for Iraq, Paul Bremmer announced the capture of former dictator Saddam Hussein. Hussein, known as Scooter by his friends, was interrogated by Coalition Forces about his time on the run.
Read full story