Roll of Bubble Wrap Now 2nd Democratic Frontrunner Behind Dean, Gaining

Written by Blind Fool -••-

Wednesday, 31 December 2003

image for Roll of Bubble Wrap Now 2nd Democratic Frontrunner Behind Dean, Gaining
Will This Charismatic Figure Go All The Way?

Des Moines, Iowa-A roll of bubble wrap discovered in the back of a UPS warehouse in Moscow, Idaho has thrown its hat into the political arena in the quest of the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

Polls show the package protector now ahead of all other Democratic hopefuls except Howard Dean, but that gap is quickly narrowing. Experts point out some of the reasons explaining why this most unusual candidate has such a high popularity...

Mostly, it is energetic and fun. Squeezing the bubbles has become a favorite past-time of young and old alike. You can either pop them individually or wring a whole section creating a "firecracker" effect.

And who doesn't like firecrackers, except for maybe those who suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome due to battle fatigue?

But the mini explosions are virtually harmless. In fact, senior citizens recognize its protective quality. Drugs and other medical needs are often received in the mail snuggly wrapped by the stuff, which now has the endorsement of the AARP.

Soccer moms love bubble wrap too. They can wrap dangerous household objects thus protecting their little children. Or they can even wrap the children's' heads when they go to compete in a soccer game.

And yes, even the military is falling on the side of bubble wrap. In certain combat situations, it can be wrapped around an enemy's face causing suffocation then death. And it's much less costly than a cruise missile.

Soccer moms, however, should be aware of this potentially dangerous technique when used on their little stars.

Research is still being conducted as to whether NASCAR dads like bubble wrap or not.

As for the roll of bubble wrap itself, it has shown remarkable political skills. When asked a question, it has the ability to answer the question without actually answering the question-if you know what I mean.

A box of packaging peanuts also tried to enter the race, but has since dropped out because it's campaign was too unorganized.

Although they were more environmentally friendly than the plastic candidate, the peanuts were just going everywhere without any sense of direction.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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