Clint Eastwood to Play Batman, Really

Funny story written by Lorenzo Lee

Friday, 5 December 2003

image for Clint Eastwood to Play Batman, Really

Hollywood, CA- Warner Bros. has just announced the long-awaited cast of the new Batman movie, with a stunning coup d'etat in the lead role: Clint Eastwood.

Contrary to rumours that Mr. Eastwood was just offered to play the Mayor of Gotham City in the long-running franchise series, it is now definite that Mr. Eastwood will be playing the role of the Caped Crusader instead of Christian Bale, the younger, more agile actor.

"Do you remember that line in my movie Sudden Impact in 1984, where I go, 'Go ahead, make my day?'," Eastwood remarked at a press conference held in his restaurant, Hog's Breath in California. "Well, that was supposed to be for the first Batman movie."

What Eastwood is referring to is the never-revealed negotiations that Eastwood was having with Warner Bros. during the 80's to star the first Batman movie, which was eventually played by Michael Keaton and directed by Tim Burton. "They thought I was too old for the role, plus they thought me too much a B-movie actor, and they wanted someone like Christopher Reeve, who was playing Superman at the time. Hell, I just walked out of that. Look at Mr. Reeve now, and look at me," he said, lifting up his shirt to show his still macho body.

Eastwood, 73, has come into his own as an auter-actor-director after winning the 1992 Oscars for "Unforgiven." "Now I can play Batman, which has been my ultimate dream since I was kid," Mr. Eastwood further remarked, with surprising enthusiasm and glee on his face, given his trademark laconic, grim expression that characterized most of his movie roles.

"This time, Batman gets to use a gun. A .44 magnum, the largest handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off," a Warner Bros. spokesman mentioned.

Punks, get ready.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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