The Scuttlebutt Review is reporting that a very high profile Central American "candy" cartel has claimed that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump reached out to them, asking for a sweet donation of $10 million to fund his 2024 presidential campaign.
April Jiggle, with Scuttlebutt Review stated that she got the scoop from information guru Andy Cohen.
Cohen explained that his next-door neighbor is allegedly a distant cousin of Sancho Panchovez, a purported "sugar" smuggler affiliated with the Costa Rican candy cartel, affectionately known as the "Plataneros" for their banana-flavored treats.
Meanwhile when the Trumptwat was reached and asked to make a comment, he paused dramatically, setting aside the giant all-day-sucker he was gnawing on. With a bewildered expression, he proclaimed that he's never even heard of Central America and insisted that he's more of a candy-cane enthusiast than a campaign fund-raiser.
SIDENOTE: The 'Orca Whale' then downed several pixie sticks and reiterated that he never once shared his sherbet fountain with Stormy Daniels.
