“I Hump for Jesus” … not if you wanna keep your job, Amy

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Saturday, 15 July 2023

image for “I Hump for Jesus” … not if you wanna keep your job, Amy
Did Dr. Suess create American law?

A strange new law is soon to come to America, which still insists that it has a separation of church and state.

Politicians, police, judges and other people in elevated places of power and prestige – those who control the lives and freedoms of others – can NOT be religious in any way, shape or form.

Bad news for Mitt Romney, of course, who takes more money from the NRA than any other GOP ‘cuz Jesus and Joseph Smith want him to – it’s God’s holy capitalist plan.

But it’s really bad news for over half of the Supreme Court.

Amy Coney-Barrett (so ice she got named thrice – yes, that says ‘ice’, not ‘nice’) can no longer belong to her religious cult where she lies down and lets a strange man hump her for Jesus (she must also scrape off the bumper sticker on her Porsche vowing, “I Hump for Jesus” … not if you wanna keep your job, Amy.)

There’s really only one way to separate the church and the state. Keep the church in church, and don’t let the parishioners get jobs beyond bingo caller.

You MUST be agnostic or atheistic to have a job as a judge, a cop, a politician, or possibly even a member of the military. Rules are made to be broken and re-written, so these new laws are still being written with about as much care as those that say abortion is illegal because some 300-year-old British law says so.

Amy must either give up her job or her god … (she’ll understand this): “You cannot serve God and mammon, Amy” … so which is it? (The religious really hate when you use their scriptures against them … can God contradict Himself in the same passage? The Prince of Peace is wrecking up the money-changers table! Jesus wept!)

Amy Coney Bunny has to make up her mind by Christmas (oh the irony!). You may see her behind the cash register at a Whataburger asking “Would you like Jesus with that? I mean … sigh … would you like to Super-Size my Hump my Hump, my lovely lady lumps … sigh … I used to be a Supreme Court judge, elected to power by a corrupt president who’s closing in on jail … special sauce?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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