The US Proctologists Guild names Ted Cruz "asshole of the year"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 17 July 2023

image for The US Proctologists Guild names Ted Cruz "asshole of the year"
"Ted makes vulture vomit look pretty." -HOWARD STERN

One of the most hated individuals in America, Ted "Dracula" Cruz has just been named "The Asshole of The Year" by The US Proctologists Guild.

Cruz joins other assholes of the year such as Donald "The Orange Whale" Trump, Ann "Horse Face" Coulter, Jim "Sidesaddle" Jordan, and Sean "Fred Flintstone" Hannity.

Ted, who claims that he was born in Canada, was actually born in Guatemala, as evidenced by a legitimate birth certificate that was found by information guru Andy Cohen.

Cruz proudly notes that he is proud to have been named by his political idol, Donald J. Erasmus Trump to be his vice-presidential running mate.

Dracula was asked if he had forgotten that several years Trump the pussy grabber had said that his wife was ugly as shit.

Cruz replied that it was just Trump's opinion and he noted that as far as he is concerned, on a scale of 1 to 10 his wife is a strong 4. ■

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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