Funny story: Republican Congresswoman Outraged at Separation of Non-Immigrant Baby Cows from Their Mothers

Republican Congresswoman Outraged at Separation of Non-Immigrant Baby Cows from Their Mothers

"It's an outrage," said neoconservative congresswoman Nancy Hartwright of Oklahoma City regarding the dairy industry's practice of separating native-born baby cows from their American mothers shortly after birth. "This is something that should happen...

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Funny story: Jesus Detained by ICE for Conspiracy to Feed and Shelter Migrants

Jesus Detained by ICE for Conspiracy to Feed and Shelter Migrants

BuzzFeed—Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was detained by ICE today at the US-Mexico border for allegedly helping a migrant and her infant when He was caught by border patrol agents offering them water and sustenance. Jesus, said a spokesman for ICE, w...

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Funny story: America the Beautiful (in the Age of Trump)

America the Beautiful (in the Age of Trump)

“I don’t care, do u?” Message on Melania Trump’s jacket, when visiting the border. O beautiful for spacious skies, For people who are white, For those who can speak English And sometimes get it right! America! America! God shed his grace on thee And crown thy Aryan brotherhood From sea to shining sea! O beautiful for xenophobes Whose stern impassioned hate Is clothed in hoods and c...

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Funny story: Democrats as Obnoxious as Republicans at Committee Hearings

Democrats as Obnoxious as Republicans at Committee Hearings

Matthew Whitaker, acting attorney general, was the powerless victim of pious Democratic scorn at Friday's House Judiciary committee hearing. He must have felt like an abortion rights or Free Speech advocate being skewered by Republicans at a compara...

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Funny story: Mary Had an Abortion Before Jesus, Biblical Archeologists Claim

Mary Had an Abortion Before Jesus, Biblical Archeologists Claim

Wheaton, IL—Biblical archeologists from Wheaton College have discovered, among a pile of scrolls in a ruin in Nazareth, a letter from the Virgin Mary to her cousin Elizabeth explaining why she had to abort her first child. In the scroll, the Virgin...

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Funny story: Rosie O'Donnell Wants To Wrestle Megyn Kelly In A Pay-Per-View Match

Rosie O'Donnell Wants To Wrestle Megyn Kelly In A Pay-Per-View Match

NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell said that the heartless comments made by Megyn Kelly have really upset her children. O'Donnell said that most of the neighborhood children have also been upset and even traumatized at the callously insensitive remar...

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Funny story: And.... PULL! ; New Republican Alternatives to Abortion

And.... PULL! ; New Republican Alternatives to Abortion

In lieu of abortion, United States Republicans have approved a new usage for fetuses that die while still in the womb. Under new guidelines, once the woman is executed for her miscarriage, she will be ground up in a mulcher and spread on the White H...

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Funny story: Bowling Green Suicide Sinkhole Apprehended After Its Latest Massacre

Bowling Green Suicide Sinkhole Apprehended After Its Latest Massacre

Bowling Green, KY-Yelling "Allahu Akbar!" the suicide sinkhole that attacked eight Corvettes in the Corvette Museum in February of 2012 reappeared today, in Kellyanne Conway's imagination, to unleash on the midsize town of 63,000 souls a horrendo...

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Funny story: Put Your Head Up Your Ass (Simple Donald Says!)

Put Your Head Up Your Ass (Simple Donald Says!)

Put your head up your ass (Simple Donald says) Shake your fists all about (Simple Donald says) Do it when Donald says (Simple Donald says) And you will never be out (Simple Donald says) I'd like to play a con That is so much fun And it's not...

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Funny story: Psychology of Democrats vs. Republicans: LAUGHTER

Psychology of Democrats vs. Republicans: LAUGHTER

Republicans laugh in response to humor, while Democrats laugh for more...interesting reasons. Republicans, sadly, laugh in response to humor that makes fun of race, gender, financial status, golf scores, lack of golf club membership, lack of a driver with one of the new impressively enormous heads (the golf club, not your chauffer, you country club type!). And they laugh at lack of golf clubs,...

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Funny story: AL Neocons Dismayed to Realize Types of Babies Likely to Be Born as Result of Restrictive New Anti-Abortion Law

AL Neocons Dismayed to Realize Types of Babies Likely to Be Born as Result of Restrictive New Anti-Abortion Law

In the wake of Alabama's passing of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the nation, essentially outlawing abortion at every stage of pregnancy, even in instances of incest and rape, neoconservatives were dismayed when it occurred to them that...

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Funny story: Ron Paul Ads Visible From Space

Ron Paul Ads Visible From Space

5 Sep 07, NEW YORK CITY, NY, USNA-- Manhattan Meetup #50 has won a campaign contest for most acres covered by Ron Paul signage. Members created a "GOOGLE RON...

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Funny story: Reflections of a Cranky Atheist

Reflections of a Cranky Atheist

There are times when I wish that more Christians, especially of the Social Conservative stripe, were more neighbor loving and less God fearing. I also suspect this would have the added effect of making them happier, more balanced people. Republicans have rewritten the Establishment Clause, "Congress shall make no law respecting the practice of Islam but shall make one prohibiting the free exer...

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Funny story: Senator Rand Paul Quarantined After Contracting Ebola

Senator Rand Paul Quarantined After Contracting Ebola

BOWLING GREEN, KY-Libertarian firebrand Rand Paul has apparently contracted Ebola from a virus that was carried all the way to Bowling Green, Kentucky, via La Nina, from Liberia. Paul contracted the deadly virus only days after telling Concord N...

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Funny story: The difference between Republicans & Democrats

The difference between Republicans & Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and...

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Funny story: Similarities Between Fox News/the Republican Party and the Church of Scamatology

Similarities Between Fox News/the Republican Party and the Church of Scamatology

Sociologists who examine cult phenomena have noticed similarities between the techniques of the Trump administration, the Republican Party, and Fox News: 1. They all illogically follow a leader who tells obvious falsehoods and is a blatant narcissicist and misogynist. 2. They both push books, supposedly instructive, that are loaded with bullshit. 3. The Trump administration and the "Chur...

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Funny story: Republicans promise to pay for cities damaged by global warming!

Republicans promise to pay for cities damaged by global warming!

Elected Republican officials promised on Monday that if cities become submerged because of rising sea levels, they and their republican voting constituents will pay to repair the damage. But, how will we know who owes what? Ryan explained the a...

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Funny story: Coalition for Barefoot Politicians blasts Congresswoman Shelley Berkley

Coalition for Barefoot Politicians blasts Congresswoman Shelley Berkley

WASHINGTON - Faye Kerr, president of Coalition for Barefoot Politicians, issued a statement blasting Congresswoman Shelley Berkley for shoe shopping. "As president of Coalition for Barefoot Politicians, I find Congresswoman Berkley's shoe shopping...

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Funny story: With a Little Help from Putίn

With a Little Help from Putίn

(With apologies to the Beatles, and with sympathy for Melania) What would you do if I screwed a porn star? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your eyes and I’ll tweet something wrong And I’ll try not to lie through my teeth. Oh, I get by with a little help from Putίn Mmm, I can lie with a little help from my friends Mmm, I’m going to try with a little help from Russians...

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Funny story: Iowan Eight "Mitt Romney voters" wake up with hangovers and recant - "He's a Pratt!" hits the morning papers

Iowan Eight "Mitt Romney voters" wake up with hangovers and recant - "He's a Pratt!" hits the morning papers

Mitt Romney's Mormon Holy Quest to lock down the 2012 Republican presidential nomination was sharply undercut this morning when eight Iowans who had apparently participated in caucus while under the influence of various dance club substances woke up...

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