Political Disease Competition Heats Up

Funny story written by Kagendo

Thursday, 12 April 2007

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Does a Huge Surge in the Polls Await the Owner of these Pills?

The Republicans have taken the lead in the 2008 race for the White House with an announcement by former Tennessee Senator Fred Thomas that he is living with Lymphoma. This means that there are now two Republicans with major diseases compared to the Democrats one.

Thomas, perhaps better known for his role as the Dr. Phil-ish District Attourney on the television series "Law & Order," is in remission, and likely to live many years with his disease, but that's not the point, says Republican political strategist Bruce Butterstock.

"People don't like it when you put it this way, but it's a game of one-upsmanship, and that's the simple truth. Edwards got a huge surge from his wife's breast cancer recurrence, and so did the entire democratic party. Sympathy is the watchword of the day. So we countered with Tony Snow, and now, thank God, with Senator Thomas."

At his press conference, Senator Thomas addressed the crowd with a message of hope. "It's like my daddy always used to say. He'd say 'Well butter my biscuit, but that boy'd argue with a fence post, though he never let his mouth overload his butt.' I think there's real wisdom in that."

Wisdom, there may be, but this republican majority may be short-lived, as Senators Clinton and Obama have been hinting at things to come. Clinton "let slip" a mention of her upcoming pap smear in a speech to the World Wildlife Federation, while Obama has, on several recent occasions, shown audiences a large mole on his upper back.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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