Secretary Blinken with new vision for response to China's “spy balloon”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 9 February 2023

image for Secretary Blinken with new vision for response to China's “spy balloon”
Republicans prefer a more global approach with a warning message in the elephant's mouth

Directly following today's House Resolution condemning China for use of a surveillance balloon over the USA, Secretary of State Blinken has proposed an alternative way forward.

The resolution includes that the Chinese action was “a brazen violation of United States sovereignty.”

This although in the past several days since the balloon was discovered reports have indicated weather balloons from China crossing the US have been common for years.

The difference this time was that an ordinary member of the public spotted this particular one and reported it. Previously, security forces were aware but did not react.

However the dust-up is to be viewed, Secretary Blinken has a proposal “to smooth tangled relations,” according to one of his aides.

It will be recalled that the Secretary, in a display of outrage, promptly canceled a trip to Beijing when the balloon was discovered.

Following, however, according to our sources, he regretted this action and saw a diplomatic opportunity—as well as a way to put to use his unique name.

He himself would man a balloon and fly it from Taiwan into China, simultaneously offering a musical interlude to Chinese children.

"To show our love of children, our beneficence, our art of international relations!" he has said in response to reporters.

The balloon is colorful in red, white, and blue panels, with a powerful broadcasting system.

The music will feature Mr. Blinken, baritone, in a rendition of nineteenth century Eugene Field's poem, "Wynken, Blynken, and Nod":

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
   Sailed off in a wooden shoe,—
Sailed on a river of crystal light
   Into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
   The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring-fish
   That live in this beautiful sea;
   Nets of silver and gold have we,"
            Said Wynken,
            And Nod.

Will the balloon also be "a spy balloon"?

”Not at all, not a spy balloon!” Mr. Blinken insists.

Children below will be excited, happy, and welcoming!

This will be a superb response to Chinese “sneaking around with their weather balloons.”

However, the Chinese have responded darkly to this vision of art and harmony:

“Are you nuts? This fishing expedition?”

“We have missiles shaped like sewing needles for your spy balloon, you know!”

“Ours are cheaper!”

“Our children have catapults!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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