Trumpers Won't Accept Presents from 'Lib-tard' Santa

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Friday, 10 December 2021

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Look out Santa! There's a shotgun pointed right at your face.

Trump supporters are taking their loathing of anything that even has a whiff of democracy to the next level. And now, they are aiming their AR-15's straight at Santa Claus!

Right wings news outfits have recently referred to him as a, 'Flaming liberal, with free toys for everyone!'

We searched for the source of the Santa-hating.

In between his favorite FOX News shows, we caught up with the man who started this 'anti-Santa' movement, Cletus Douchesniffer, at his home in rural Georgia. — Surprise!

When we arrived, Mr. Douchesniffer was on his roof, busy re-fortifying his chimney by nailing more 2x4's and plywood across the top and laying spike strips for the reindeer.

"There, that should fix that red-coated commie," growled Douchesniffer. "I been phonin' in to FOX and tellin' Tucker for years, 'Man, think about it...Santa's a goddamn libtard! Ain't no one givin' away that many toys if theys ain't workin' for the demo-rats . Now, finally, people are startin' to listen to old Douchesniffer. That's with two f's."

We thought so.

When we pointed out the fact that Santa has magical powers, and comes down the chimney as more of cluster of sparkles, and not a human form, Douchesniffer's mind almost exploded in rage.

"Well shit then, once I cement up the inside, ain't no way a cloud of twinkly shit's getting down there," he surmised. "I don't even give a damn if the chimney is my main source of heat. I ain't lettin' that commie bitch leave no presents under my tree. Thems presents are straight from Pelosi and her Trillion dollar spend-a-thon!"

Douchesniffer admitted he misses the tree, and that his 8 kids weren't thrilled with the idea. He even suspected that his oldest daughter might be a Demo-rat, if he let her vote in a few years. "She's got a black friend at school, so there ain't much hope for that one," he admitted.

Douchesniffer reckons there are at least 3 million people who felt just like him. In fact, we checked with the FBI's Bureau of Weird Santa Freaks, there were 372.

And if you are one of them, Merry Christmas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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