Gun Nut Layme DeRierre Says the Real Victim in the Las Vegas Mass Shooting Was the Much-maligned AR-15 Assault Rifle

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Fairfax, VA--Layme DeRierre, CEO and Executive Vice President of the Gun Nut's Lobby, today said that the true victim of the mass shooting in Las Vegas was the AR-15 assault rifle used to kill over fifty people, in what is now the largest mass shooting in US history.

Said DeRierre, in a press release for the GNL: "We are sorry for the 59 people killed in Sunday's mass shooting in Las Vegas, and our prayers are with the families of the victims and those too uninformed to come fully armed to this concert venue. But do you know who the real victim is here? It's the AR-15, a firearm used by many responsible sportsmen and recreational marksmen in the US; a firearm, furthermore, which had no say when Stephen Paddock heaved it up on his shoulder, against its will, and began firing on the crowd below. No doubt the Liberal Left is already calling for more stringent gun control measures, to take away Americans' Second Amendment Right to arm themselves to the teeth against pure evil."

Layme DeRierre then paused and called for a moment of prayerful silence for the AR-15 used in the mass shooting, intoning, "In Guns We Trust."

DeRierre continued: "From what we know of the AR-15 used in the crime, it is now at a gunsmith's being treated for minor scratches and powder burns, incurred when Paddock shot himself and the AR-15 fell to the hard tiled floor of the Mandalay Bay Hotel and Casino."

The gunsmith treating the AR-15 said the weapon is in good condition at this point, and is expected to pull through. Layme DeRierre is calling for prayers from the millions of members of the GNL for the AR-15's speedy recovery.

President Donald Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders reported, is considering awarding the Congressional Medal of Honor to the AR-15, for, as he put it in a morning tweet, "its courageous attempt to resist the pure evil of the shooter who so callously abused it. So brave!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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