Washington, D. C.--Minority leader Kevin McCarthy today announced that Marjorie Taylor Greene, in light of her recent statement comparing mask wearing mandates nationwide to Jews being persecuted in Nazi Germany, would be reassigned from her committee work as the capitol bathroom supervisor, to the newly minted GOP Caucus of Factual Conspiracy Theories, known more widely outside of the Beltway as the Caucus of Tin Foil Hats.
At the Caucus of Factual Conspiracy Theories, Greene, working under the supervision of chief propagandist Rep. Ralph Goebbels, will be responsible for propagating what Kevin McCarthy is now calling the Little White or “Alternative Lie”—i.e., that former President Donald Trump did indeed sweep the Electoral College in November, beating Joe Biden by over seven hundred electoral votes; and should, therefore, be appointed as the leader not only of the United States, but ALL of America, including, Greene added, “Canada and the country of Latin America.”
Explained Greene, wearing her signature tin foil hat, “Donald J. Trump won the presidential election by literally tens of thousands of electoral votes, and billions, some say, of votes overall, by my count. If not for the reanimated corpse of Hugo Chavez and the Dominion voting machines the former dictator hacked into, Donald J. Trump would be the legitimate leader of the free world on this planet.” Then foaming at the mouth, the congresswoman roared, “Stop the Steal!” and proceeded to bark madly and nip at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, through her office mail slot, before someone from the local no-kill shelter apprehended and caged the rabid congresswoman.
Rep. Kevin McCarthy could not be found, anywhere, for comment.
