There were 1,284 spoof news stories published in May 2011. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Bum Rage Erupts As Anneka Rice Insists She Had A Nicer Arse Than Pippa Middleton
A startling new phenomenon appears to have permeated celebrity circles, and the goss columnists are calling it "Bum Rage." Apparently it started this afternoon when sources close to former 'Treasure Hunt' tight trousered helicopter woman, Anneka R...
Read full storySnapped And Papped - Pippa Middleton Sunbathing With Kristen Stewart, Pixie Lott, Demi Lovato And Michelle Keegan
In what is being hailed in press circles as the most valuable set of snaps ever taken, a rogue paparazzo has secured the ultimate coup by papping Pippa Middleton, Kristen Stewart, Pixie Lott, Demi Lovato and Michelle Keegan out of Coronation Street,...
Read full storyLionel Messi has a gigantic cock
Reports are coming out of the Nou Camp stadium in Barcelona that tiny footballer Lionel Messi has a gigantic cock. The Argentinian struts his stuff in Spain and is acclaimed for his dribbling and ball control. He is also a clinical finisher w...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Distraught As Chicharito Stubs His Toe In Ewood Celebrations
Having just secured a record breaking 19th league title, Manchester United players were celebrating in front of the massed ranks of their fans in the Darwen End at Ewood Park, when disaster struck. United secured the title-winning point they neede...
Read full storyMariah Carey Has Twins, Names One Of The Babies After Pippa
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are the proud parents of twins (one boy and one girl). The family is doing well and should be going home shortly from an undisclosed L.A. Hospital. Cannon announced to the press that his wife and children were fine, that...
Read full storyWayne Rooney asks Sir Alex to forbid Chicharito to pray on his knees before games, it's embarrassing!
Man Utd super-scorer, Chicharito, is deeply religious, Catholic actually, and before games he is always caught on TV, on his knees, praying to his God. His super-striker partner Wayne Rooney is not quite so religious and feels quite embarrassed h...
Read full storyScottish Papers Publish Super Injunction Identity
Scottish newspapers have printed the name of a prominent footballer allegedly involved in an extra marital affair after avoiding the super injunction taken out to protect the person's identity. The footballer's legal team failed to register the in...
Read full storyIs Kenny Dalglish A Barcelona Spy?
Following the shocking revelation that Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho is to assist Manchester United's Champions League quest by providing Sir Alex Ferguson with inside information and a detailed dossier on hated rivals Barcelona, comes yet another s...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Reveals That Ian Somerhalder Is Upset That His Vampire Diaries Co-Star Nina Dobrev Is Considering A "Nude Layout" In PlayGuy
VENICE BEACH - The star of the Twilight Saga series Robert Pattinson and the star of The Vampire Diaries Ian Somerhalder were having lunch at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steak House. The two were discussing the possibility of appearing in an int...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Bares Her Ass Photos
All eyes are on Pippa Middleton after her head-turning role at the Royal Wedding. Global millions were transfixed by Pippa's classy chassis as they took in the Westminster Abbey spectacular. Her Almost-Royal Litheness wowed us all with her slinky...
Read full storyPanic In Hollywood As Ian Somerhalder Almost Trips Up
Hollywood agents and Lloyds of London today got themselves in a right old tizzy when 'Vampire Diaries' star Ian Somerhalder almost tripped up as he moved from his Hollywood lounge to the kitchen area to prepare a cup of iced tea. Initial reports s...
Read full storyBronx Zoo Peacock Discusses Life Over the Fence
The female peacock who escaped from the Bronx Zoo, but was captured after a few days, held a press conference at the zoo today. She said that her freedom was okay while it lasted, but she had always meant it to be just a brief sabbatical. She m...
Read full storyThe Stars of The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Explain Their Recent 'Wow Moments'
MALIBU BEACH - Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder recently celebrated the huge success of their television show The Vampire Diaries at the beach house of their good friend the Twilight Saga star Robert Pattinson. Pattinson has a reputation for being...
Read full storyAmerica Idol's Haley Reinhart Denies The Rumor That Her And Fellow Contestant Casey Abrams Have Eloped
LA BREA - The most recent American Idol castoff Haley Reinhart was having dinner by herself at a Burgers-In-The-Round in La Brea. She was approached by TV ClickerWorld's Grandiosa Littlehampton and asked how she was doing after having been elimina...
Read full storyScientific Study V - Does the sun shine on a dog's ass some days? (American cliche;Even the sun shines on a dogs ass some days.)
A recent study completed by an expert panel on climate changes and global warming has concluded that the number of days the sun shines on a dog's ass declining every year. It is projected that by the year 2014 a dog's ass will feel the heat from...
Read full storyShocking Inside Look at Bin Laden Take Down: Obama So Paralyzed with Fear and Indecision Panetta Made the Decision in Palace Coup!
Power brokers inside the White House, said to be so fed up with Obama's procrastinating and reliance on Chicago Slum Lord Valerie Jarrett, who based her advice only in terms of a re election campaign, bi passed the President and set the wheels in motion for the final take down of Bin Laden! The coup, for that is exactly what it was, was spear headed by a frustrated Hillary Clinton who backed C...
Read full storyOsama Burial Spotted on Google Earth
Osama bin Laden's burial at sea is believed, by many, to be an attempt by the US government to deny his followers a shrine. Allowing his body to sink to the bottom of the ocean at an unknown location would allow his remains to be left undiscovere...
Read full storyLennon's Shock Resignation Stuns Celtic
Celtic manager Neil Lennon has shocked Scottish football by handing in his resignation just minutes after the Parkhead club defeated Motherwell in the Scottish Cup final. The former Northern Ireland international is understood to have received an...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Admits She Fancies American NFL Quarterback Tony Romo
Pippa Middleton, the 27 year old younger sister of Princess Kate Middleton Windsor, has admitted to having an attraction to an American Football Player. Pippa rose to fame at her sister's wedding to Princess William due to her role as Maid of Honour...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Has Stated That The Nude Photos of Sarah Palin Have All Been Burned
READING, Pennsylvania - After skirting the issue for several months Kate Gosselin, star of the hit reality show Kate Plus 8, has finally addressed the question of the infamous Sarah Palin nude photos. Gosselin agreed to speak with LaTuna LaTundra...
Read full storyFort Worth Woman's Legal Troubles Due to Daughter's 5 Magical Wishes
Fort Worth: Elizabeth Potter, 41, of the urban Near South Side neighborhood is currently entangled in legal struggles with the city. If it weren't for the unicorn grazing in her backyard, she would move. Potter says it all started when her five-ye...
Read full storyRyan Giggs Yoga Guru Reveals All About the Sheep Scandal Lies
Ryan Giggs Yoga guru has agreed to reveal all about a National scandal that has shocked the whole of Wales. The scandal revolves around a claim made by the Yoga Guru last year that the sheep he uses to maintain the grass height in the Gardens of h...
Read full storyMuppet Porn Ring Exposed
After over 40 years, disturbing footage of a pornagraphic nature has been discovered that implicates many of the Muppets. The films were found in the personal effects of Mr. Harold Hooper, the original Sesame Street shop owner. Most of the show...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Hints That She Would Love To Have Ian Somerhalder's Baby
NIAGARA FALLS, New York - One of the nicest and happiest couples in the nation Nina Dobrev and Ian Somberhalder was vacationing up in beautiful upstate New York. They had flown into Niagara Falls for the weekend before returning to Hollywood to shoot an upcoming episode on their hit show The Vampire Diaries. As the couple sat at a quaint outdoor cafe they were asked by a member of the entert...
Read full storyScouse Funny Man Admits To Being A Bee Gee
Liverpool comedian John Bishop has finally admitted to the worst kept secret in show biz. He used to be a Bee Gee. In fact he is Barry Gibb. "I spent thousands on face lifts and plastic surgery but my true identity was exposed by my dental record...
Read full story"Weiner Gate" Blows up; Congressman Denies He Used Penis Pump to Inflate Image on Social Site!
The furor around the alleged claims that Democratic Anthony Wiener sent 'cloaked' penis pictures to a 21 year college student continue to swell, with the congressman today refuting claims appearing on his social networking site that he uses a penis p...
Read full storyTempers Flare In Gary Neville Testimonial Match As Juventus Beat Man Utd
It was always going to be a tense affair at Old Trafford, probably beginning when Phil Neville described brother Gary as "a knob" to Sky Sports reporter, Jeff Stelling in a pre-match interview. Having shown up especially for the occasion, David Be...
Read full storyAstrologers rubbish Harold Camping's May 21 Armageddon rant
London - An octogenarian US preacher's terrifying May 21 Judgement Day vision is little more than a classic Uranus/Saturn opposition psychosis. That's the consensus among astrologers who are reminding the public that Harold Camping's botched Septe...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Talks Candidly About Zac Efron, Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" Bullock, And Those Kristen Stewart Lesbian Rumors
TARZANA - Twenty-two-year-old Vanessa Hudgens has seen and done a lot in her short celebrity career. She recently sat down with Vodka Vermicelli of The iRumors News Agency at a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in Tarzana. Right away Miss 2V,...
Read full storySpencer Tunick hires Pippa Middleton for naked Dead Sea shoot
Jerusalem - "That Abbey cakewalk last month was just an audition," Tunick told Meggido Bikini & Burkhini News Illustrated reporters this morning. "I plan to position Pippa slap bang in the middle of the lake, surround by hundreds of tanned lov...
Read full storyUS announces Osama Bin Laden is not dead after all
President Obama was red-faced this evening, as he announced that Osama Bin Laden had not been killed by US forces after all. "I realise this is going to look pretty bad. We announce one day that we've killed Bin Laden, then the next day we announc...
Read full storyAmir Khan, Ryan Giggs, David Threlfall Steven Gerrard And Max Mosley To Hold A Meeting - Agenda Uncertain
Today's gossip columns are buzzing with the news that apparently, a disparate group of high profile British media personalities have arranged a meeting. Although nobody has the faintest clue what will be on the agenda. Footballers, Giggs and Ge...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Selena Gomez Vacationing In Hawaii And Necking On The Beach Like There's No Tomorrow
HONOLULU - The Pacific Ocean waves were cascading onto the scenic beach as the Hawaiian evening breeze blew ever so gently causing the majestic palm trees to sway in the flaming crimson Polynesian sky. And laying out on an isolated portion of the beach were heartthrob sensations Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez. The two had rubbed suntan lotion on each other and were oblivious to t...
Read full storyCalifornia 'Summer Triangle' UFO warns of solar eclipse tremors
Oakland, Ca - A California UFO may be trying to make contact to warn about a predicted massive earthquake around June 1st's Gemini solar eclipse. The three-pronged aerial light formation, mimicking the geometry of the Summer Triangle asterism, has...
Read full storyTwitter Crashes Under A Barrage Of Pippa Middleton Rumours
Social networking site, Twitter reportedly crashed again today. Insiders report that the sheer volume of Tweets about Royal Wedding starlet, Pippa Middleton caused the servers to overload, shutting the site down. "It's ridiculous," one said. "And...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Down To The Final Two As Haley Reinhart Is Sent Back To Illinois
HOLLYWOOD - The former lead singer with the Pussycat Dolls, Nicole Scherzinger stole the show as she danced and pranced on the American Idol stage throwing down some dance moves that even had judge Jennifer Lopez oohing and ahhing. Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson was so embarrassed he turned two shades of purple and Steven "Lips" Tyler was so engrossed he even put down his copy of Rolling Stone...
Read full storyKim Kardashian's NBA Boyfriend Kris Humphries Slam Dunks Her With A Marriage Proposal And She Says "Yes! Yes! Oh Hell Yes!"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have been described by Ellen DeGeneres as one of the happiest celebrity couples since Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston first got together. Kim, who is one-third of the infamous Kardashian sisters, and whose most distinctive feature is her humongous ass, has been in a relationship with Kris Humphries, who is a power forward with the New Jersey Ne...
Read full storyMaury: DNA Confirms Osama bin Laden Killed. Also, He IS The Father...
In light of the government's need to save money wherever possible -- bullet-proof military vests made of Pepsi cans, Mexican day-laborers as legislative aids, etc.-- President Obama asked Mary Povich, host of the Maury Show, to check the DNA of the m...
Read full storyUK Bans XXX Squirting Videos While Americans Laugh, FAP, Reupholster.
Fresh from England, the country that can't figure out how to merge cold and hot water in one tap, or safely install electrical outlets in a bathroom, comes the news that all pornographic "squirting" movies are banned in the UK, claiming that, instead of showing female ejaculation, it is in reality depicting "golden showers" or "Piss-Play"(1). "Since the NHS(2) has reported that there is no such...
Read full storyBritish soldier discovered still fighting WWII after 65 years
The stench is overwhelming. Discarded empty Woodbine packs, Bisto and Bird's instant custard tins, Camp coffee bottles and a galaxy of once-glittering Cadbury's chocolate bar foils decorate an anniversary cake of human excrement - piled up over sixty-five years on the jungle floor. Testament to a life lost. Thrown away on the the dung-heap of misplaced patriotism and hatred. History is littere...
Read full storyAl Quaeda Submarine Built to Look For Osama Bin Laden
Arabian Sea - Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the news another story about Osama is breaking across the wires. Al Quaeda has launched its first submarine and is claiming it can reach Osama Bin Laden's body within days. "We have spared...
Read full storyPet Store Owner Claims Osama Bin Laden Isn't Dead
An English pet store owner claims that Osama Bin Laden isn't really dead. Bin Laden, who was supposedly killed by American Special Forces and ground forces on a compound raid in Pakistan, was the leader of the terrorist group Al-Queda and the master...
Read full storyPremier League Star Takes Out Super Injunction Following Missed Penalty
A Premier League footballer, said to be a household name, has taken out a super injunction following a missed penalty. The star feared that if it was reported it might harm his chances of securing a new lucrative contract. Super injunctions have b...
Read full story"New and More Secure" Playstation Network Gets Hacked Again, This Time by Accident
They said it was faster, stronger, and more secure. As Sony starts to slowly bring it's recently hacked Playstation Network back online, it seems it's been hacked again, this time allegedly by accident. "I was just checking to see if the web brow...
Read full storyMan Not Going to Deactivate MySpace In Case He Hurts Its Feelings
LONDON - A local man, John Simmons, has stated to the press that he will not 'deactivate his MySpace' for the forseeable future. "After I heard that MySpace was losing hundreds of users a day, I felt kinda sorry for it, you know? I never use it -...
Read full storyPrincess Diana Death Photos Offered To Disreputable News Organisation
Photos of a dying Princess Diana being extraced from a crashed vehicle in a Paris underpass close by the Pont D'Alma have been offered to controversial UK based news agency, Skoob News International, for a substantial sum. Following a lengthy meet...
Read full storyPassion Pix of Party Girl Pippa Middleton Surface Causing Quite A Stir
LONDON - It was supposed to be a party that no one would ever talk about but as things happen, someone leaked out some photos and now the 'snapshots' have hit the fan to put it in a family way, which by the way, Pippa is not. Loretta Piffinshaw of...
Read full storyRussell Brand and Piers Morgan Side With Cheryl Cole And Attack Simon Cowell For Firing Her From X-Factor
LOS ANGELES - In what many media critics are hailing as The modern day reality show version of The Battle of Britain fought on American soil Englishmen Russell Brand and Piers Morgan have both come to the aid of their fellow countrywoman Cheryl Cole. Cole had been all set to be one of the three judges on Simon Cowell's new American version of the British hit show, X-Factor when suddenly she was...
Read full storyMan Utd Trades Ryan Giggs to Tottenham Hotspur For Carlo Cudicini and Roman Pavlyuchenko
Man. U. has trading in Ryan Giggs to Tottenham Hotspur for Carlo Cudicini and Roman Pavlyuchenko. Sir Alex Ferguson has decided to trade Ryan Giggs due to highly personal reasons that he said that he would rather not go into. When pressed he repli...
Read full storyMessi's mum streaks naked across Wembley pitch!
After Barcelona's, alias, FC Messi's, thrashing of Man Utd a strange scene was caught on camera, Lionel Messi's mum (he loves her more than his girlfriend) was seen streaking naked across the Wembley pitch making a bee-line for her wonder son! She...
Read full storyJedward Took Out Super Injuction against Simon Cowell in Run Up to Eurovision
It has been revealed today that Jedward's lawyers took out a superinjunction again Simon Cowell in the run up to their fantastic Eurovision Performances. The Super injunction was necessary because Simon Cowell doesn't have a nice word to say abo...
Read full storyThe Reason Why Leonardo DiCaprio Dumped His Sexy, Sultry, Girlfriend Bar Refaeli
SAN FRANCISCO - Leonard DiCaprio was shopping for sunglasses as he strolled leisurely down San Francisco's world famous Fisherman's Wharf. DiCaprio was asked by Fauna Goobergarden of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune where girlfriend Bar Refaeli was.
Read full storyJudgment Day Claims One of God's Messengers, Macho Man Randy Savage
While many non believers poked fun at Reverend Camping and his followers for predicting May 21, 2011 to be Judgment Day, others are confident that he was not completely wrong. One devoted group of fans calling themselves "BOMMRS", or Believers of M...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson Or Piers Morgan Could Be Nina Dobrev's Secret Boyfriend - Ian Somerhalder "Gutted"
Reports coming in today suggest that Brit wrinklies, Jeremy Clarkson or Piers Morgan could be 'Vampire Diaries' starlet Nina Dobrev's secret boyfriend, and VD co-star Ian Somerhalder is said to be 'gutted' by the revelation. In a world where nobod...
Read full storySteven Tyler Squashes The Rumor That He And Fellow American Idol Judges Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson Are Feuding
LOS ANGELES - Steven Tyler sat in a booth at his favorite restaurant The Fiery Tongue of The Dragon. He was partaking of a plate of Lemon Chicken with a side order of Osakan Egg Rolls and Crab Rangoon when he was asked by Hoopla Diddly of TV ClickerWorld about the reported incident during a recent edition of American Idol. Tyler asked if he was referring to the show where he became so angry...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Fans Shocked By Water For Elephants "Cruelty" Claims
Robert Pattinson's latest vehicle Water For Elephants has already been hailed as a work of classic cinema. "Promises to be one of the most notable examples of a film about water and elephants this year!" trumpeted Sabu, the film critic of Pachyd...
Read full storyThousands of Naked Pictures & Porn Literature Missing From Spoof Discovered in Bin Laden Villa!
TheSpoof.com editor Mark Lowton was at a loss yesterday as news leaked out that a horde of illicit material, missing from his site for over a month, and worth millions of points, had been found by SEAL team 6 in the Pakistan raid that took out Bin La...
Read full storyKermit The Frog Is 'Perverted' Says Miss Piggy
Kermit the Frog, 53, is said to be in hiding after sordid revelations have been leaked from sources close to the beleaguered star. In scenes reminiscent of the recent Charlie Sheen episodes, the usually clean cut star of The Muppets has been on a...
Read full storyMusic of Steel Panther Believed to Have Link to Cure for Cancer and ED
Researchers at the Pettrucci Center for Musical Research have released preliminary results of a study between the music of Heavy Metal Icons Steel Panther, and the spread and onset of remission of many forms of cancer. "We had reason to believe t...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Won't Get His 72 Virgins
Extremist clerics have revealed that terrorist and Al-Queda leader Osama Bin Laden will not receive his expected 72 virgins in the afterlife. The mass murderer and director of the 9/11 attacks was killed in Pakistan, but will not be going to any for...
Read full storyChelsea Striker Didier Drogba finally reveals why he does not wear underwear and comments on Torres' arrival at Chelsea
Chelsea Striker, Didier Drogba, who recently turned 33, finally revealed to one of our reporters why he does not wear underwear. Apparently, when growing up, his family could only afford to buy the absolute essentials, which did NOT include under...
Read full storyThe Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Love Child" Finally Speaks Out
LA HABRA - The most famous maid since Hazel has finally spoken out about her working and playing relationship with her boss and lover Arnold "The Trouser Trout" Schwarzenegger. The housekeeper who asked that her name not be used due to income tax...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Reveals That Porn Star Ron Jeremy Has Dumped Pippa Middleton Who Quickly Runs Into The Arms of Twilight Star Robert Pattinson
LOS ANGELES - The world's most infamous woman, Pippa Middleton, has just had her heart broken. The younger sister of Kate Middleton, who is now known as the Duchess of Cambridge, is reportedly devastated according to Paprika Pittfauster with The W...
Read full storyLouise Minchin approached by the EPL WAGS for fashion advice; Victoria Beckham first in line
Louise Minchin (or Louise Mingeking as she is known by many) has been approached by many of the wives of the rich and famous, for fashion advice. Many say they have often been approached - prior to interviews - regarding their mode of dress, espec...
Read full storyNeil Lennon New Glasgow Rangers Manager
Former Glasgow Celtic manager Neil Lennon, the man who faced a barrage of death threats whilst at Parkhead before resigning from the post last weekend, has, this morning, been unveiled as the new manager of Glasgow Rangers. Lennon, who recently re...
Read full storyHoneymoon ROW! Camilla sent 'To Knock Heads Together'.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the titles mean they now own the whole of Cambridgeshire, had their first 'royal row' on Saturday soon after taking to the air in one of The Queen's maroon Sikorsky helicopters. The Duchess of Cambridge apparently reacted in an unladylike fashion when William revealed during the flight where they'd be spending their honeymoon - 'in the English county of Cam...
Read full storySir Jimmy Savile Completes London Marathon Only 6 Years Behind The Pace!
Cigar-chuffing, big chair-sitting and former top Radio 1 DJ, Sir Jimmy Savile, has finally crossed the finishing line on London's Mall, following his completion of the London Marathon 2005! Crowds of at one point, up to two, turned out to see the...
Read full storyThe World's Number One Porn Star Ron Jeremy Confesses That After Two Dates Pippa Middleton Has Asked Him To Marry Her
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Ron Jeremy, the world's most famous porn star, was down in Cabo San Lucas relaxing by the pool at The Whole Enchilada Hotel and Spa. He was asked by Polo Del Matador, a reporter for The Cabo San Lucas Morning Ole News how...
Read full story'Cheeky' Pippa Now Target of Kim Kardashian Rage As Her Butt Pushed off Front Pages in Royal Row!
Reality Star Kim Karadashian is said to have her arse in an uproar as recent media frenzy over Pippa Middleton's knock out appearance at the Royal Wedding has pushed her own derriere down the charts, for anyone who still counts points! The 5'2" 1...
Read full storyChristopher Hitchens Cured After Praying to Mother Teresa
Atheist writer Christopher Hitchens has reportedly been cured of cancer after praying to Mother Teresa. Hitchens' cure, if accepted by Catholic Church authorities as miraculous, could ultimately pave the way for Mother Teresa to be canonized as a...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Select Pippa Middleton In NFL Draft To Be On Cheerleading Squad
With the ninth pick in the eight round of the NFL draft, the *Dallas Cowboys* selected Pippa Middleton. She was not chosen to be a tight end or a punter or a cornerback. In fact, she had not even played NCAA football or even opted in to the draft.
Read full storyPrince And Princess Split Up
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have had their first argument and are undergoing a "temporary parting of the ways". The Duke is unhappy with the public perception of the former Kate Middleton as being "a lazy mare" as she has not worked since 20...
Read full storyMasturbation 'Biggest Factor' in Elvis-style Fatalities
Self-abuse, coffee, blowing your nose and straining to defecate could increase the risk of of a fatal stroke similar to Elvis Presley's, say researchers in Madrid. Eight risk factors were linked to bleeding on the brain. They all increase blood pr...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth II Goes for Hairstyle Change; Wants to Look Like Johnny Depp
Ever since the Queen learned she may be a distant relative of Johnny Depp, the Palace is a changed place. Decorum and tradition have gone out the window. "Ahoy, it's a new day," the Queen has announced to all who will listen. The Royal...
Read full storyNew protocols announced following Irish Royal visit
Following on from the Royal visit to Ireland, Buckingham Palace has announced a number of protocols in relation to future visits by H M The Queen. The chief lady in waiting, Lady Huriup-Imlate, said, that from now on, people who meet Her Majesty: 1. Must not touch Her Majesty, even for "some small change for a cup of tea" and should certainly never try to sell her a copy of 'The Big Issue'...
Read full storyPippa Middleton eyes Nadal's awesome ballgame
Paris - "You're not supposed to say 'Her Nipples Stood Out Like Perky Ripe Acorns' as Pippa eyed Nadal's thrusting ballgame," a microblogger has warned adoring tennis fans. "It's more like 'Succulent Raspberries In The Summer Sunshine', guys!" ano...
Read full storyBin Laden Black Box Recovered By Divers In Arabian Sea
Al Jazeera reported today that Pakistani divers in a submerged recovery vessel located the black box of Osama bin Laden some two miles below the surface of the North Arabian Sea. Using coordinates from orbiting satellites, they traced the route of...
Read full storyPippa Goes Commando; Leaves SAS Fans Panting!
Pippa Middleton, her svelte assets showcased on front pages of tabloids everywhere after her stunning coming out party during sister Kate's recent wedding, took time out yesterday to show her colours at a local military base. Ms. Middleton emerge...
Read full storyBin Laden Death Pictures Released As Conspiracy Theories Mount
The US Government are under increasing pressure to publish the rumoured photographs of recently killed Al-Qaeda kingpin Osama Bin Laden, as suspicions grow over the true nature of his death. Molly Bridgend, 57, a local landlady, told us "we want e...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Admits He'd Buy Lasciviously Luscious Nina Dobrev A Cheeseburger - Could Romance Be On The Cards?
Twilight and Water For Elephants star, Robert Pattinson allegedly admitted in an off guard moment that he would almost certainly be willing to buy sultrily sexy Vampire Diaries star, Nina Dobrev, a cheeseburger, and perhaps a coffee too. Pattinson...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Explains The Symbolism Behind Her Latest 'Crotch Region' Tattoo
PROVENCE, France - Angelina Jolie, half of the infamous Brangelina duo, proudly talked about her latest tattoo. Jolie was asked what the new tattoo which she says is a Gothic looking numeral "7" actually represents. She giggled and told Gigi de...
Read full storyLiverpool Dismiss Manchester United Achievement
As Manchester United close in their 19th league title after beating Chelsea today, top Liverpool supporters are dismissing the achievement as "nowt to write home about, dere, la!" Utd now need one more point from two games to win the title, fulfil...
Read full storyShakira To Attend Champions League Final - Gerard Piquet Warns Chicharito - "Hands Off!"
It appears that Colombian sex symbol, bon vivant, and sometime crooner, Shakira, is to attend the showcase Champions League Final at Wembley on May 28th, in support of her current beau, Barcelona defender, Gerard Piquet. So far, so good - nothing...
Read full storyG8 says world economic smell gaining strength, eyes g-strings
DEADVILLE, France (Rooters) - The Group of Eight leaders agreed on Friday that the global economic stench was becoming more "self-sustained," although lower clothing prices were 'hampering' further growth. In a communique to be issued at the end o...
Read full storyRainier Wolfcastle Admits He Is Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child
Muscle-bound McBain star Rainier Wolfcastle, for years thought to be a thinly-veiled parody of Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted this morning that he is Arnold's love-child. And, he's the first of many! "I believe my father, Arnold Schwar...
Read full storyGlobal Armageddon a Bust, God Only Pissed Off at Iceland
Despite desperate and heartfelt pleas for repentance from Reverend Camping and loyal (and now financially destitute) members of the E-Bible Fellowship Church, the predicted May 21 date of Armageddon has come and gone and the Earth was not, apparently...
Read full storyWayne Rooney had sex with his laptop 2000 times
The latest revelations about Wayne Rooney's love life have rocked the PC World. Sources within the computer repair technical department have revealed that the Manchester United footballer has had his laptop repaired 2000 times this month. An...
Read full storyWayne Rooney kidnapped!
Man United souperstar, Wayne Rooney, has been kidnapped. It seems that after the Man United whitewash against the hopeless Krauts called Schalke 04, Wayne Rooney was kidnapped on the doorstep of his luxury mansion in full "Monty" after fulfilling his...
Read full storyMakeup-less Pippa Middleton a dead ringer for Demi Moore
Madrid - "Actually, the neck's a lot less chunky than Demi's," Fortuna nightclub revellers commented today, "and that sculpted backside could be Justin Beiber's! "Any chance Pippa is Demi Moore's secret little brat?" Pictures this weekend of Ms...
Read full storyNeil Lennon Photos "Too Gruesome to Publish"
The Scottish Premier League has defended its decision not to publish any photos of Celtic manager Neil Lennon's reactions to his side's shock 3-2 defeat at Inverness Caledonian Thistle on Wednesday night. Chief Executive Neil Doncaster gave the re...
Read full storyMichael Owen announces he has taken out a super injunction
Former England striker, Michael Owen, has announced that he has taken out a super injunction. The diminutive Scouser, who is still at Manchester United despite rumours to the contrary, has not said what the super injunction is over. "Yeah," he...
Read full storyJim Tressel Opens Ohio State University Sportswear and Memorabilia Store
Following Tressel's resignation as head coach of The Ohio State University football program, he has announced the grand opening of a sportswear and OSU memorabilia store in Columbus. Selling everything from replica Ohio State jerseys and college l...
Read full storyKeane Apply For West Ham Post
Award winning rock band Keane have thrown their hat in the ring for the West Ham manager's job left vacant after Avram Grant's sacking. Lead singer Tim Rice-Oxley explained : "Although we come from East Sussex, we became very fond of the Hammer...
Read full storyActivision Secures Rights to Bin Laden Death Helmet Cam Video
In a highly controversial move, video game software giant Activision has secured the rights to the helmet cam video taken by Navy Seal operatives during the raid on Bin Laden. Activision is the software publisher responsible for the immensely popula...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Denies The Rumor That She Is Cheating On Boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal With Ex-Boyfriend Taylor Lautner
PENSACOLA, Florida - Taylor Swift performed before a sell-out crowd at The Orange Seed Auditorium in Pensacola. Afterwards she was asked by Tilapia Frisbee with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue about the recent rumors that have surfaced east of t...
Read full storyThe Middleton Sisters, Kate and Pippa To Appear In A Very "Tasteful" Nude Layout In PlayGuy Magazine
CHICAGO - Emma Jo Friscatti, the editor of PlayGuy Magazine which is one of the most widely read men's magazines in the world, has proudly announced that she has signed England's Middleton sisters Kate and Pippa to appear in her magazine. Ms. Fris...
Read full storyXXXX exposed in latest XXXXXing Episode Involving XXXXX caught XXXX on Pitch behind Shed by XXXXXX!
A total news black out has been imposed on football after an unprecedented upsurge of scandals involving XXXXXXX out of wedlock, and charges of XXXXX whilst otherwise engaged in marriage, according to XXXXX, a now discredited reporter. "It's worse...
Read full storyJohn Edwards' Baby Mama Rielle Hunter Denies That She Is The Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child
FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida - Rielle Hunter, the mother of Senator John Edward's love child, is denying that she is also the mother of former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child. The skinny blonde who is no stranger to the world of controvers...
Read full storyMan Sues Doomsday Prophet Harold Camping: "I would not have committed all those Crimes if I knew he would be wrong"
A man, who is being held in a city jail in Denver, Colorado for committing 28 felonies and 32 misdemeanors in a two day spree, is suing Doomsday Prophet Harold Camping for "really fucking me over". Jerry BrainDead committed the crimes during the...
Read full storyResults of referendum on AV (Alternative Voting) system announced
The results of the 5th May referendum on the Alternative Voting (AV) system for the UK have been declared this morning. In a very heavily-subscribed vote (almost some of the population turned out to vote), those voting in favour were 50%, those vo...
Read full storyFired 'Celebrity Apprentice' Playboy Playmate Hope Dworaczyk Calls Ex-Fellow Teammates Star Jones and NeNe Leakes "Bitches!"
NEW YORK CITY - The woman who was named The 2010 Playboy Playmate of The Year and is regarded as one of the top glamour models in the world stated that she was thrilled beyond belief to get fired from Donald Trump's little out-of-control reality show...
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