Women to put Condoms on Cucumbers

Funny story: Women to put Condoms on Cucumbers

The relationship between humans and vegetables is a long and complex one. As many as 1 in 5 cucumbers are purchased for use not as food but as a sex toy. A fact that was possibly the best kept secret of the cucumber industry. However, the e-coli o...

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I didn't have sexual relations with that cucumber

Funny story: I didn't have sexual relations with that cucumber

A man in Spain is receiving treatment in hospital after an angry mob of Cucumber farmers descended on his home and forced him to move out of the village. Local Farmers accuse Hector Julio Fernandez of contaminating their cucumber stock with e-coli...

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"Sepp Blatter And Colonel Gaddafi Are Same Person" Claim Sensation

Funny story: "Sepp Blatter And Colonel Gaddafi Are Same Person" Claim Sensation

After Sepp Blatter's "Crisis, What Crisis ?" press conference in Zurich last night, an increasing number of commentators are suggesting that the FIFA president and the Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi are one and the same person. There are certainly...

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Former Major League Baseball Pitcher Patents: "The Home Run Pitch"

In a shocking move, former major league baseball pitcher, Jamie Moyer, who has let up more home runs in his career (511) than any pitcher in the history of the game, has announced that he has patented the "home run pitch". The Patent number is 867...

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More Stars Of Silent Radio

Funny story: More Stars Of Silent Radio

It is time once more to pay tribute to the stars of silent radio, those heroic pioneers who blazed the trail for all who followed. Indeed, it could be said that, without these trail-blazers, today's all-singing all-dancing radio would simply not be what it is. We are revisiting again those far-off days before modern full-colour, sound radio, when "digital broadcasting" meant splendid performers...

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Earthquakes Felt Around Austin

Funny story: Earthquakes Felt Around Austin

Austin, Texas - Slight earthquakes were felt all around Austin in recent weeks as Governor Rick Perry thought about running for President. While Perry himself is non-committal on the issue, he has some apparent fans in the Texas Hispanic Republican...

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Discovery of Morton's Toe Mystery Deepens as Rest of Morton Discovered in Portsmouth Wheelie Bin!

Funny story: Discovery of Morton's Toe Mystery Deepens as Rest of Morton Discovered in Portsmouth Wheelie Bin!

Scotland Yard continues to press a recent murder mystery whilst remaining mum after what was alternately described as a parrot or an albatross was seen to drop what turned out to be the second toe of missing spoof writer Dudley Morton. Morton had...

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Iceland volcanoes on high alert for Wednesday's apocalyptic solar eclipse

Funny story: Iceland volcanoes on high alert for Wednesday's apocalyptic solar eclipse

Reykjavik - "As seismological blow jobs go this one's the biggie," astrologers are warning about Wednesday's occultation. "Think 'Vesuvius' plus 10,000 years' worth of seismic celibacy!" A dozen Icelandic volcanoes may be affected as the eclips...

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Interview with Michael Gove MP - Minister of State for Education

Funny story: Interview with Michael Gove MP - Minister of State for Education

Michael Gove was born in Edinburgh in 1967 and brought up in Aberdeen. Educated in England and Scotland, in the independent sectors, where he had to suffer his 'Fags' waking him up with breakfast, before they cleaned his shoes each morning. Michael is married to Sarah Vine, who is a leader writer at The Times, and they have one daughter, Beatrice, and a son, William, who was born at Frimley Par...

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Al-Qaeda E-Coli cucumber attack on Europe!

Funny story: Al-Qaeda E-Coli cucumber attack on Europe!

Al Qaeda promised revenge after Bin Laden's execution and the first wave of attacks on European soil has hit Germany in the form of a cucumber! The cucumbers were produced in Spain by immigrant women from Islamic countries, it was easy to spot the...

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Sarah Palin Proposes Mandatory Helmets for All Americans, All of the Time

Funny story: Sarah Palin Proposes Mandatory Helmets for All Americans, All of the Time

Undeclared Republican presidential candidate Sarah Palin today asked Congress to replace Social Security, Medicare and other entitlements with a program that would provide a hardshell helmet for every man, woman and child in America. "It's time to...

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Sir Alex Fancies Scotland Job

Funny story: Sir Alex Fancies Scotland Job

Sir Alex Ferguson, still reeling from Man Utd's humiliating defeat at the hands of Barcelona in the Chamipons League Final, has thrown his hat into the ring for the Scotland manager's job, currently held by Craig Levein. Sir Alex, who was offered...

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Qatar in the gutter

Funny story: Qatar in the gutter

Doha - Shifty shaikhs feted by the Queen have denied FIFA bungs got them the World Cup. "We'd never dream of doshing up football's governing body," the head of Qatar Photocall - er...Protocol! - said today. "We just followed trusty diplomatic p...

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UK Fire and Ambulance service to stop attending emergencies

Funny story: UK Fire and Ambulance service to stop attending emergencies

In a shock statement issued today by the UK Fire and Ambulance service, union representatives have decided that its members will no longer be able to attend emergencies, unless they are of a very minor nature. The Fire Brigade is being prevented f...

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Barnsley Swearing Police On Patrol

Funny story: Barnsley Swearing Police On Patrol

Get caught swearing in Barnsley from next month and you could face a fine of £80. People will be asked to report anyone causing offence or intimidation by the use of bad language. The fines process follows discussions between South Yorkshire Po...

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Cadbury's to sue Naomi Campbell

Funny story: Cadbury's to sue Naomi Campbell

It has been revealed that the recent advertisement for Cadbury's Bliss chocolate containing the strap-line "Move over Naomi there's a new diva in town" was not withdrawn because the model Naomi Campbell was annoyed. A spokesman for the chocolate c...

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Snakes explain Chef's language

Funny story: Snakes explain Chef's language

King Cobra's are a delicacy in Vietnam and celebrity chef, Ruddy Gore, on a recent visit, ate a King Cobra. Cobras are renowned as venomous. They spit and curse in a language only Slitherers can understand. The only trouble is that the effect of t...

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Blatter coronation set for Wednesday

Funny story: Blatter coronation set for Wednesday

Despite the continuing scandal of corruption allegations in FIFA, President Sepp Blatter is set to be crowned President in an unopposed election on Wednesday. Speaking from his Zurich mansion, surrounded by nubile concubines, and smoking a "Behike...

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Scientists probe deadly cucumbers

Funny story: Scientists probe deadly cucumbers

In a shocking and bizarre series of experiments, not seen since the bad old days of Nazi Germany, German authorities have taken to testing the 'Deadly Cucumber' outbreak by pushing them into the bottoms of vagrants and prisoners. "Ve sink zis is z...

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Arctic Monkeys At Centre Of Govt Clampdown On Rock Names

Funny story: Arctic Monkeys At Centre Of Govt Clampdown On Rock Names

Popular rockers the Arctic Monkeys are to be the first target of an investigation into the names of rock and pop groups. Tory MP Gilbert Luncheon will head a special committee with powers to question musicians and prosecute any they find have misl...

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Cadbury In Dock Over Advertising Campaign

Funny story: Cadbury In Dock Over Advertising Campaign

Female singers all over the world are considering taking legal action against Cadbury after a chocolate advertising campaign described super model Naomi Campbell was a "diva". The ad for chocolate bar Bliss says "Move Over, Naomi, There's A New Di...

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Arctic Nations Attend Major Conference

Funny story: Arctic Nations Attend Major Conference

Representatives of Arctic states have met in Greenland to discuss how bloody cold it always is. Ministers from Finland, Russia, Greenland, Iceland, Canada, Denmark, Sweden and Norway talked for 3 days along with indigenous inhabitants of the regio...

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Obama Reaffirms Ties With Poland

Funny story: Obama Reaffirms Ties With Poland

US President Barack Obama has ended his shirt European tour with a visit to Poland. Obama went to visit his ancestral home in Slomnaki, just outside Krakow in the South of the country. The President's first port of call was to the local pub where...

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Glee Scandal: Gwyneth Paltrow Denies The Romantic Risqué Rumors About Her And Co-Star Matthew Morrison

Funny story: Glee Scandal: Gwyneth Paltrow Denies The Romantic Risqué Rumors About Her And Co-Star Matthew Morrison

LOS ANGELES - The Tinsel Town rumor mills have been working overtime. Gwyneth Paltrow was to have gone on tour with Glee's Matthew Morrison as his opening act, but reports coming out of Hollywood are that those plans have now changed. Taffeta...

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The California Maids Union Is Thinking About Filing A Lawsuit Against Arnold Schwarzenegger

Funny story: The California Maids Union Is Thinking About Filing A Lawsuit Against Arnold Schwarzenegger

POMONA - As if she isn't embarrassed enough already Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid, Mildred Patricia "Patty Cake" Baena, the most famous maid since Hazel may now be called to testify in court if the California Maids Union decides to file a lawsuit agai...

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United States to Develop Own Exploding Melons

Funny story: United States to Develop Own Exploding Melons

Washington, D.C - Caught with it's pants down for the sixth time in so many decades, the United States is set to develop it's own exploding melons in a desperate arms race which the communist Chinese are already winning. An embarrassed President O...

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Park wasn't the normal Terrier for Man United in the Euro final

Funny story: Park wasn't the normal Terrier for Man United in the Euro final

The Champions league final has been and gone for another year, but if certain factors had happened, it could have been a very different result. On Saturday Barcelona showed their true colours by outclassing a sorry looking Manchester United. On...

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Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo Has Just Scored An Off-Season Touchdown By Marrying The Beautiful Candice Crawford

Funny story: Dallas Cowboys Quarterback Tony Romo Has Just Scored An Off-Season Touchdown By Marrying The Beautiful Candice Crawford

ARLINGTON, Texas - April saw the Royal Wedding take place in London, England between Prince William and Kate Middleton. And now May has seen the Cowboy Wedding take place in Arlington, Texas between Tony Romo and Candice Crawford. Romo, of the...

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