The Ratings For "Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska" Are Shooting Through The Roof (No Pun Intended)
WASILLA - Sarah Palin has literally struck gold with her Alaskan based reality show. TLC Network executives are boasting that Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska is beating out top shows such as CSI: Las Vegas, Modern Family, Mafia Cake Boss, The Jersey S...
Read full storySarah Palin: Yes, I Could Beat Obama In 2012!
In an upcoming chat with Barbara Walters, something Walters stated she had quit doing two years ago, former Vice Presidential candidate and Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin says that she could beat Obama in the 2012 election. The segment will come as...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Showing A Lot Of Skin During Breaking Dawn Filming!
If you ever wondered why Robert Pattinson is so taken with Kristen Stewart, you might check the photos online today of the filming of 'Breaking Dawn, The Twilight Saga". Of course, Pattison is wearing swimming trunks in some of the shots but the w...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Four AMA Awards Plus An Unexpected Surprise
Young performer Justin Bieber was the big winner at the AMA Awards Sunday night, taking home all four of the trophies that he was nominated for. That includes the coveted Entertainer of the Year. He was the youngest winner of the trophy ever. The...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Kicks Booty At The American Music Awards
LOS ANGELES - It was a tear-filled night at the 38th Annual American Music Awards, or as Snoop Dogg calls them, "Da AMA's fa shizzle ma nizzle goodies y'all." The ceremonies were held at the Nokia Theater, which is named after the California fish...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Calls Out Old Man
Washington - Glenn Beck is calling out George Soros for being the reason that liberals are taking over the world and warning smart people to make sure that Mr. Soros is watched closely because he believes Mr. Soros is one of the biblical signs of the...
Read full storySusan Boyle 'sexed up' in new Album
Susan Boyle's follow up Album to her runaway debut success, 'I dreamed a dream' was released in Los Angles last night to huge controversy. With millions of sales behind her, expectation was high, but she has dumbfounded critics with the release o...
Read full storyToddler Plunges from Lakers Box onto Kim Kardashian Implants Fine
This is one boy who should have been stapled to his seat. Last night at the Staples Center Kim Kardashian was sitting courtside with Halle Berry's baby daddy Gabriel Aubry watching the Los Angeles Lakers blow away the Golden State Warriors. Pau G...
Read full storyWomen Everywhere Applaud Richard Seymour for Hitting Big Ben
New York - Women everywhere got out of their seats and cheered their loudest when Richard Seymour laid Big Ben out in Sunday's Raiders and Steelers game. "Big Ben made some rude comment about the Raiders' cheerleaders and doing what he always doe...
Read full storyBrad Childress Glad Vikings Fired Him
Minneapolis - Brad Childress is going to take some time off from football and enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with not having to talk to the media about a crappy football team. "I am glad the Vikings fired me today, because now I don't have...
Read full storyThe Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Cheered Their Little Butts Off As The Cowboys Beat The Detroit Lions 35-19
DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones has decided not to lay off any of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders after all. Jones had been contemplating ways of trying to save money and placing some of his cheerleaders on furlough was one of...
Read full storyKatie Waissel's Great Grandfather Was In The SS Claims Hack
It appears that despite having a slightly elfin new haircut and finally beginning to win over the cynical British public, X-Factor diva Katie Waissel isn't out of the woods yet, as embittered redtop hack Richard Littlecock launched yet another stunni...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne - I'm only doing this because I own half of Ireland
Through gritted teeth, George Osborne announced to the House of Commons today the details and his rationale behind bailing out the neighbours over the Irish Sea. Then the Tory boys chucked their venom and anti EEC bile at Cameron and Osborne. T...
Read full storyIf you want to wear copies of Kate Middleton's outfits read the following:
Ladies (and drag queens etc.. if you are drooling over the photographs of Kate Middleton, Royal Icon of fashion and wish to copy her 'wardrobe', just take a walk down your local hightstreet and visit the clothing stores, photos of her in hand. You are sure to find similar outfits at much cheaper prices. If you are Canadian (or American?), pick up your latest edition of Sear's Fall and Winter c...
Read full storyBorn to Spoof: Chapter Eight: In Memoriam
Sharing a cell with Jean La Fete was a bit like being Chandler in Friends. Alright for a bit, until you start getting all lovesick. Then it all goes pear-shaped. So whilst lover boy La Fete was mooching around the three by three cell, I found myself slowly trying to map out my life on the concrete floor. "Jean, what did you say my name was?" I asked, watching as the Dean Martin lookalike att...
Read full storyFAA Decides All Passenders Should Be Nude
The FAA announced today that it is going to try to impose new regulations that will ban clothes from all domestic airports and airlines. The new regulations have to pass through Congress before it can be implemented. A pole was conducted outside L...
Read full storyPuking in Public New First Amendment Right
Leaked memos from the new Republican caucus in the US House of Representatives indicate that sweeping changes are going to be made to the First Amendment of the constitution of the United States. "Puking in Public and Inciting to Riot will constitute...
Read full storyI'm A Celeb - The Truth About Gillian McKeith's Fainting Fits
Skoob Entertainment News can finally reveal the truth about Gillian McKeith's on demand fainting episodes on 'I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here!' There are, according to sources, TWO reasons for the panicky fainting bouts. One of the reasons gi...
Read full storyJimmy Choo Boutiques Renamed AmeriJesus FlagSaddle
LONDON - Jimmy Choo, operator of haute couture shoe and apparel stores, has changed its name in order to enhance the image of its retail outlets in America. Tamara Mellon, Vogue editor and Choo co-founder, explains: "Americans are less likely t...
Read full storyMike Tyson of Dutch football, Luis Suarez admits, "I was starving"!
Dutch league football is starved of top quality and their players are starving too! Proof of this was the televised game between Ajax Amsterdam and PSV Eindhoven. The game was a 0-0 bore but the happenings after were very "tasty"! Luis Suarez,...
Read full storySuperheroes Ask Ed Miliband to Save the World From the Tombies
The International Union of Superheroes has called on Ed Miliband to save the World from a new breed of flesh eating monsters. The superheroes who include, Superman, Spiderman, Catwoman and George Galloway all believe the time has come to start t...
Read full storyDavid Cameron 'is like Dad's Army's Private Pike on acid'
Lisbon - (They-Don't-Like-it-Up-'Em! Mess): "The resemblance is uncanny," NATO top brass commented as David Cameron rolled out yet another vintage performance at the weekend. The UK Prime Monster is said to have been brought up on Dad's Army rerun...
Read full storyKatie Waissel Hates Kittens And Her Grandad's A Pimp Claims Hack
Notorious red top hack, Richard Littlecock today added his lardy-arsed weight to the 'Let's All Hate Katie Waissel' movement by claiming that Katie can't stand kittens and that her grandad's a ruthless pimp working the mean streets of Bradford. "I...
Read full storyPope Benedict allows Vatican Condoms for Malin Akerman Abusive Priests
Pope Benedict has made billions protecting the flock from 'The Inferno.' Now Pope Benedict has teamed up with the makers of 'Woolite', 'Lysol' and 'Durex Condoms' to protect the flock from 'The Inferno' of overpopulation by manufacturing Durex Brand...
Read full storyObscure Website Launches Wagner Carillho Voting Frenzy
Writers on an obscure satirical website have been slammed for promoting Wagner Carillho to the public, and imploring X-Factor viewers to vote for Wagner - with the sole purpose of totally pissing off Simon Cowell. Wagner, who is no oil painting, a...
Read full storyHoly Foam Contraceptive Approved by Pope in Cases of Unhappy Marriage
Following on the heels of Pope Benedict's decision to allow condom use in certain circumstances to guard against the spread of AIDS and other communicable sexual diseases, the Pope has made another landmark decision. The Pope has declared that a s...
Read full storyLondoners Flock to Kabul
The news that Kabul is safer than London or Glasgow has caused a rush of applications for emigration to Afghanistan. Galweigans are not so quick on the uptake as the Glasgow kiss is being used to deter people from leaving the city. Children are pa...
Read full storyBarrow says NO to Royal Wedding
The announcement of the engagement of Queen Victoria's son Prince Arthur to the Prussian princess, Katerina Brunhilda, was announced in November 1890. The news was greeted by the citizens of Barrow in a variety of diverse ways. 20 November 1890 It was with no small amount of pleasure that I was able to convene today the first meeting of the civic committee tasked with making plans on how best...
Read full storyKatie Waissel's 81 Year Old Nan Is NOT A Prostitute
Despite scurrilous reports to the contrary by a popular Sunday newspaper, Mrs Eloise Stroke, a neighbour and close confidante of Katie Waissel's nan today insisted that Sheila Vogel, 81 is not now, nor ever was a prostitute. Mrs Stroke insisted th...
Read full storyBillingsgate Foils Body Scanner By Wrapping Genitalia In Saran Wrap
Dr. Billingsgate, the British born genius, known mostly for possessing 12 Doctorates from LaFontaine College in the Cayman Islands, using counterintuitive methods developed by him during the Cold War, completely baffled security agents who selected h...
Read full storyX-Factor's Katie Waissel's Grandmother is still a Prostitute
Wayne Rooney has become a big fan of X-Factor, and voted for Katie Waissel several hundred times after Katie's grandmother revealed she is still a working prostitute at eighty-one years old. Katie's Gran, Sheila Vogel, revealed to the national pre...
Read full storyFrench farmer fed his ducks cannabis, killed the worms and got busted, "quack, quack"!
A French duck farmer, Messieur Royeur, was caught feeding his ducks with cannabis because they all had worms. He maintained that the cannabis was the best cure for his ducks from the worms and normal worm-killing remedies just didn't work. He h...
Read full story'Don Draper' Mad Man quits show in 'Mad' rage
AMC have confirmed Jon Hamm, the star of their award winning show, Mad Men, has quit after a sensational bust up with show creator Matthew Weiner. Hamm claims, 'Weiner and his fellow writing staff depict me week after week, sleeping with countless...
Read full storyBieber, Cyrus, Swift Sweep American Mediocrity Awards
Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber, white trash exotic dancer-in-training Miley Cyrus and serial dater Taylor Swift swept the American Mediocrity Awards last night. The singers in the last year have taken over $1 billion from the parents of shrieki...
Read full storyExonMobil Sells Interest in Gulf of Mexico for Ten Pesos
New York - Exxon Mobil announced it was selling it shares of the Gulf of Mexico for ten pesos to the government of Mexico, because they don't want the bad PR from not caring enough about the environment. "This sale doesn't mean that we won't explo...
Read full storyFat Cat Sits On Mat With Rat, Bat And Twat Called Pat
A fat cat has sat on a mat with a rat, a bat and a twat called Pat in a wat in Korat, north-eastern Thailand. They are so infinitesimally small, that it hardly seems worth mentioning the gnat that was also present. The cat, known locally as Tab...
Read full storySpoof Writer Lead to Drinking by Palin's Increased Fame
Washington - A local Spoof writer, UWGB-Beek, has reported that he can't take the reality of America's obsession with Sarah Palin, so he is hiding in basement with a keg of Coors and carton of Paul Mauls until America wakes from its stupidity. "I...
Read full storyPope Makes Same Hollow Promise His Predecessor Made
Vatican--Pope Benedict the 16 made the same hollow promise his predecessor made before him, and that is that he would resign if he became incapacitated. "I know it more of a hollow promise to all the liberal members of the Catholic Church that wou...
Read full storyScottish Refs See Red
Scottish refereees have had enough. They are going on strike. One striker told me 'I may miss a goal or two but my aim is always to work to the best of my abilities.' Managers in Scotland have surpassed managers in England with their abuse of refs...
Read full storyNHS Reforms Spark Revolution In Leafy West London
Riot police are preparing for a running battle with angry residents in the leafy west London suburb of Chiswick. Patients at Chiswick Health Centre are angry at changes to the National Health service proposed by Health Secretary Andrew Lansley.
Read full storySusan Boyle Introduced to America: America Says "Aaaaah! What The F--k Is THAT?!"
It must have been a glitch in the control room. Its visage was slammed onto screens nationwide, right after Bruno Mars' performance on the Today Show today. "Coming up next week, singing sensation Susan Boyle," said Matt Lauer. Just then, so...
Read full storyOrdinary bloke ridiculed for growing his nails
For thirty-five years, Tony Hawton of Bridlington had been a nail biter. However, his wife of ten years had finally had enough and told him to stop. "I was quite shocked," said Hawton. "She said she was just fed up to the back teeth with my auto-c...
Read full storyUK offers loan of 'around £7bn Brixton pounds' to Irish Republic
The UK has offered the aid addicted Irish Republic a loan of around £7bn, with the caveat that it will be paid to them in 'Brixton pounds.' The Brixton pound, which can only be spent in Brixton at shops in the scheme, was launched in 2009 and all...
Read full storyMargaret Thatcher is given a cybernetic exo-skeleton
Margaret Thatcher, one of the longest serving prime ministers in British history is set for a shock return to politics. Doctors in America had been tasked with creating a cybernetic exo-skeleton for Ronald Reagan, but the dotty President died befo...
Read full storyDid Gillian McKeith fake her faint?
Millions of viewers witnessed Gillian McKeith faint on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here just before she had been asked to do the latest Bush Tucker Trial on the bizarrely popular reality celebrity show. However, fainting experts have examined th...
Read full story"Black cat tormentor' of superstitious aunt charges dropped
A Yorkshire man charged with harassment after allegedly tormenting a superstitious aunt with a black cat has had the charges against him dropped after the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) dismissed the case. Gay Mayweather, of Malham, accused Saul...
Read full storyGrief counselling as Kate told she will never be Queen
London - (Psychobabble Mess): Shrinks have counselled Kate Middleton after the horrible truth dawned on the royal wannabe. Months of relentless haranguing about which goddam' tiara will be hers to wear, share or pawn broke down last night. Sho...
Read full storyGoing limp
The twenty-first century TVs and movies are brimming with the prettiest girls ever painted or seen in history. They are role models for many girls around the world. However, there's a chilling truth about them: girls do not dress for guys; they dress for other girls. In fact, they are competing with each other. Well, in the animal kingdom, other females do the same, but it is basically the othe...
Read full storyPope Benedict's Secret List: Who May Use Condoms
A Vatican contact has given us the secret list Pope Benedict has drawn up stipulating which men may use condoms. The list: 1. Cardinals. 2. Priests in long-standing same sex relationships. 3. Priests in long-standing opposite sex relationship...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Arrest Blows Monica Lewinsky's Consultant Job on "Deep Throat" Remake!
The recent arrest of Lindsay Lohan has had far reaching effects across the economic landscape bringing even struggling hat designer Monica Lewinsky to her knees, yet again. The 37 year old former intern and personal humidor for former President Wi...
Read full storyFacebook Founder - 'I'm no Geek'
Mark Zuckerberg has come out fighting against the persistent rumours and allegations that he is in fact a Geek. The rumours have been flying around the net, following the release of 'The Social Network', a Hollywood dramatization of Facebook foun...
Read full storyGuiness Rescues Ireland
As Britain officially has 'no money left' a deal has been done with the Irish Government to supply Guiness to British Pubs to the value of £7 million pounds. This will mean Irish bankers will get their bonuses just in time for Christmas. Ireland a...
Read full storyPrince William In Red Ring Of Death Xbox360 Release
Prince William, who this week announced his engagement to long-suffering/time girlfriend Kate Middleton, has revealed that presenting his bride-to-be with his mother's own engagement ring was probably the best commercial business decision he's ever m...
Read full storyOuch: Twilight Star Sees Stars In Birmingham Bust-Up
Actor and huge star (well, OK not Robert Pattinson, the really massive star) of teenage fan favourite series Twilight, Bronson Pelletier (that's the wolf one) was treated to a broken nose in Birmingham, UK this weekend. The actor was attending a s...
Read full storyUK advised to "Keep Calm and Carry On!"
A Government document left on a city bus has created shockwaves when it revealed that the whole current economic crisis has been manufactured by politicians as part of a master plan to clean up Britain. The document, entitled Operation Gaw Blimey,...
Read full storyVatican Possibly Changes Stance On Condom Use For People Doing Sex
Pope Benedict XVI, Captain of all the Catholics, has sensationally revealed that the churches stance on condom use may finally be updated. Until now condoms have been viewed as the Devils sheath. A tool of the gay and promiscuous, morally unaccept...
Read full storyBabylon 5 set for a shock return to the screens
Cult nineties sci-fi drama, Babylon-5: the poor man's Star Trek, the hungry man's Star Wars, the tired man's Battlestar Galactica, the bored man's V; is set to return to the small screen for the twenty-first century. When it was receiving it's fir...
Read full storyGoogle help the British Government spy on its population
The British government has secretly hired Google and some of the world's top virus writers to help them combat global terrorism, or so they say now that they have been found out. The Google Street Cars recently went around Britain ostensibly mappi...
Read full storyA Child's Guide To Sharia Law
Yet again proving that Britain is a shining example of the success of multiculturalism, details have emerged of a network of weekend schools which teach Sharia Law to children as young as six years old. The schools, which run the length and breadt...
Read full storySurprise Oil Field Discovery Off Irish Coast
Ireland is sitting on top of a massive 200 billion barrel Oil Field. The Oil Field was announced just hours after Ireland agreed an EU bailout in a bid to halt a systemic risk crisis in the Eurozone economy. The oil field worth 4 trillion dollars...
Read full storyiPhone 5G and Virgin Mobile Tie the Knot
It's official. Apple has announced that the new iPhone 5G, originally due out in June 2011, will make its way to store shelves in time for Christmas. And, the best news of all, you won't need a cellular phone contract to use it. Instead, Apple is...
Read full storyBristol Palin Offers Brandy Job as Private Dance Coach
Bristol Palin, painfully aware of all the hubbub surrounding her win on Dancing With the Stars and the fact that Brandy clearly was the better dancer of the two, has formally offered Brandy a job as her (Palin's) private dance coach. Bristol Pali...
Read full storyLesbian Couple Shocked and Appalled By Big Penis
A lesbian couple were shocked and disgusted when one of them suddenly grew a penis. Not just a penis but a overwhelmingly large penis. It started out slowly when one of the girls clitoris's became abnormally engorged. The couple paid no attention...
Read full storyGeorge and Laura Bush to Star in Real Housewives of Texas
DALLAS, Texas - Word has leaked out that a Texas version of the Bravo reality series Real Housewives is well, a reality. However, it has not been formally announced yet due to the fact that scouts for couples for the show want real people and not act...
Read full storyNASA Reveals Duct Tape Statistics
NASA officials released a report today which revealed the extensive use of duct tape in its space shuttle program and other programs past and present. The staggering numbers show that over 100,000 rolls were used on space shuttle Discovery alone,...
Read full storyPornographer to Launch New Magazine Featuring Airport Full Body Scans
Harry Clint, Publisher of Lustler Magazine, announced today he intends to publish full page, full color airport body scans. The recent implementation of x-ray machines that give detailed pictures of people under their clothes has caused much cont...
Read full storyHunt For Elusive Clitoris Continues - Investigators Baffled
Reports coming in suggest that despite 500 investigators aged 16 or thereabouts suggest that not a single one managed to locate and identify a female clitoris on Saturday night in various test locations across the UK. The study, funded by the Germ...
Read full storyIn-Car GPS Now Aids Navigation of Female Anatomy
The inexperienced backseat Romeo need no longer feel alone. In newer car models, he can be assisted by the on-board navigation system. The new system will include complete cartographic coverage of the female body and feature all standard functions...
Read full storyReport Card On The War On terror
The Obama administration recently commissioned a top-secret think tank to compare the cost of the War on Terror to the United States on the one hand, and to al Qaida on the other. The results were reported as follows: United States: * More than 5000 soldiers killed. * More than one trillion dollars spent. * Untold damage to the image of the United States around the world. Al Qaida...
Read full storyI'm A Celeb - Gillian McKeith Threatens To Whup Linford Christie's Ass
Breaking news from the jungle in Australia, where the 'I'm A Celeb' stars are battling it out with Arse and Feck for the world 'How To Mess Up A Weekend Even Worse Than The X-Factor' title: Gillian McKeith, the renowned Scottish turd analyst, and...
Read full storyThe Reasons Barbara Bush Wants Sarah "Snowflake" Palin To Keep Her Tea Bagging Tush Up In Alaska
HOUSTON - Barbara Bush, the wife of the 41st president of the United States, George H.W. Bush has stated publicly that she does not really care for the cartoon antics of Sarah Palin. Mrs. Bush, who is 85, has stated that when it comes down to 'in...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Exclusive! Seen at Gym With Rug Burns on Knees
While Kate Gosselin continues to claim that there is no man in her life, several signs indicate that may not be true. A reported bounty has been offered for any person who can get an exclusive story on the man who caused the rug burns witnessed on Ka...
Read full storyScottish referees refused permission to wear balaclavas set to strike
Fixtures in Scotland face possible postponement next weekend after Category One referees facing the biggest threat to their safety since Duncan Ferguson retired voted to strike after being refused permission by the Scottish Premier League to wear bal...
Read full storySimon Cowell Admits Changed Voices On "The X Factor"
Former judge of the British show, 'The X Factor', Simon Cowell has admitted to a national tabloid that he DID enhance the vocals on the top-rated show. "Yes, but I only changed it a little", admitted Cowell to reporters of Australia Today, a siste...
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