Nurse Wins 'Outstanding Murder Of A Burden To Society' by the National Health
The National Health Service, the UK's way of sliding communism in under the noses of the Western world, has awarded Nurse Bernadetta Akwward the 'Meredith Francis Maguire / Bobby Sands Memorial Award for Outstanding Murder of a Burden To Society'.Read full story
Miley Cyrus: Justin Bieber Is Coming Over!
After the recent split up of Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, Miley has already stated that she would like to hook-up with singer, Justin Bieber. "I know Justin is willing to give us a try and I believe we can make it work. We're closer in age than...Read full story
It's not only unfair, it's Workfair
We are all in this together. This is all about fairness. It's a Dad's Army, Heath Robinson, approach that is condemned to create a disaster. It is reported that Eric (cow eating Desperate Dan double)Pickles is actively encouraging whistle blowers...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Ventnor Woman Drops a Plate
Marjorie Stevens 67, of 10 Bettsworth Crescent, is reported to have dropped a plate yesterday. "It was everyday, not Royal Doulton, hardly news really." "I don't see what all the fuss is about, it was just a plate, now it's broken to bits, I suppose you could blame the hardwood floor if you wanted to but I'm just as well to blame, carelessness is what caused it, carelessness." "I was putt...Read full story
Manchester United's Chicharito Says That X-Factor Is His Favorite Show
LONDON - Manchester United's Chicharito, whose real name is Javier Hernandez Balcazar, told a reporter for The Manchester Morning Manc that he loves watching the English singing competition show, X-Factor. Chicharito, who is from Guadalajara, Mexi...Read full story
Single House Blown Down in Freak Hurricane in Downing Sreet
LONDON - David Cameron, a public sector worker, was evicted by his home by Mother Nature. He had lived in the building since June with his wife and kids. "It's terrible!" he proclaims. "How on earth could this happen? You know, they say you're...Read full story
Future News: Archealogists Discover Relics Dating to Digital Age
This story will be published in 2136 (Digital Age date format) - BIRMINGHAM, EMPIRE OF C4M3R0N (former UK) - Archealogists from the Univeristy of Birmingham have discovered the entertainment habits of early 21st century peoples, known as Britons.Read full story
Queenie uses Facebook
The Queen of England will be using Facebook, as of Monday. The Queen will start a marathon 24 hour Facebook fest accepting requests from the general public. Her first moves? Continuously poking David Cameron until he gives her a new corgi. The Que...Read full story
Must Buy Stock Portfolio
SNJ (Susan Niels James) UP 2% - Interest went up from male traders after willing to re-merger, due to the break-up with JJ (Jock Johnson) NWS (Rupert Murdoch's News Corp.) Up 20% - The Sun tabloid in Britain and the FOX News network in America decided to report real news instead of Onion rip-offs APPL (Apple, Inc.) Down 57% - John from Accounting keeps going on about his iPad, Pod, Phone, Ma...Read full story
Coalition of Music Industry To Plug Music Revenue with Lawsuits
LONDON, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES - The big four global music industry players, have decided to plug their gaps in music sales by suing even more people. Revenue has been steady, however, an increase in average internet download speeds, means that man...Read full story
Westmid Situation over Land Getting Worse
BIRMINGHAM - a situations has occurred in the Digbeth sector, where two roommates are fighting over shared land. Sam has been receiving aid from local ally, Mick. "It's been a pretty bad time," he said. "I heard about this conflict about livin...Read full story
Galactic Alliance Horrified at Earth Depictions of Outer-Spacians
PLANET EARTH, DELTA-SECTOR, 236th GALACTIC DISTRICT, MILKY WAY - The rest of the universe united against the Earth's depictions of extra-terrestrial life, today, At a press conference hosted on every single screen and audio device on Earth, in ev...Read full story
Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge
LONDON, UK: At a Human Survival conference held here yesterday, anthropologists and paleontologists alike confirmed the potential extinction of yet another species. Despite a rare sighting of possibly the last surviving member of the tribe, experts...Read full story
Miley & Liam Make It A Daily Double On Cyrus Split-Ups
After a bitter battle between Miley's dad, Billy Ray and her mother, Tish , Miley made it a complete home shake-up by splitting with her lover, Liam Hemsworth. So Miley is a single once again, only she has never yet been married. What a lovely...Read full story
Barack Obama's curry house catastrophe
A major international row broke out today between the US, Britain and India following the undignified events that took place in an Indian restaurant last night. It has emerged that prior to the President's state visit to India, he was briefed on t...Read full story
Johnny Depp's Girlfriend Causes His Nude Shower Scene With Angelina Jolie To Be Cut From The Movie "The Tourist"
HOLLYWOOD - The producers for the new Johnny Depp - Angelina Jolie crime sexcapade drama motion picture, The Tourist, have reportedly given in to the wishes of Depp's longtime girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, and have cut out a naked shower scene between...Read full story
Arizona Hires Swedish Immigrant Killer To Guard Mexican Border
The State of Arizona, whose state motto is "Cinco De Drinko Is Cancelled, Wetbacks!", has hired the 38-year-old Swedish man suspected in a series of shootings targeting immigrants. "Derr manna eesa arrsteed forda moodering und ammentemmpted moorde...Read full story
Dallas Cowboys Brings "First Overall Pick In 2011 Draft" Tour To Green Bay
Dallas head coach Wade Phillips, who is packing the contents of his office into empty copy paper boxes as this is written, will bring his 1-6 Cowboys to Green Bay, where they will lose to the Packers this Sunday night, on what the team has designated...Read full story
Kim Kardashian Explains Why She Has Gained So Much Weight Lately
BEVERLY HILLS - Kim Kardashian, one-third of the famed Kardashian sisters, was asked by a reporter for National Geographic why it is that her weight has ballooned upwards in just the past few weeks. Kardashian, who was shopping at the 'big gal' se...Read full story
Queen joins cyberarseholes on Faecesbook
Cyberspace - (The Final Affroniere): Struggling hasbeen and octogenarian self-publicist to the Illuminati Elizabeth Vagina has cracked. The lure of social nitworking site Faecesbook has finally grasped her in its clutches - for a reported $5 milli...Read full story
Advert: Tesbury's Massive Bread Sale Starts Sunday
NOW WITH EVERYTHING DOWN IN PRICE, there has never been a better time to buy a loaf of bread. LOOK! 3 wholemeal loaves down from £2.55 to £1.99 - Yes one-nine-nine!and look at these stylish floured baps -Now just £2.50 a dozenor what about our designer hamburger buns - Only 65p a pack If you thought that you could never afford the luxury of a medium sliced white loaf then think again. Our st...Read full story
X-Factor - "American Anthems My Arse!" - Local Man Fumes
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a pork pie hat wearing ignoramus for the most part was left hopping mad Saturday as he settled down with long suffering wife, Anne, and a case of yellow Belgian lemonade to watch the live X-Factor show. With a theme...Read full story
Work Shy Threats
Tories have always had an understanding of being work shy. It is thought this could be because so many of them have experienced this pattern of behaviour. Now unemployed people who have been out of work a long time and haven't taken a job offered...Read full story
Boyo Bales and Widicombe are an item?
One of Soccer's rising star and one of politics's heavier heavyweight meet and it looks like a lurv match. Despite scoring a hat-trick against European champions Inta Harry "the spiv " Rednapp claims the welsh wizard is not yet the finished produ...Read full story
Obama to sign Crap-and-Save Bill
Washington, DC -- In a display of bipartisanship, Democrats and Republicans hammered out a compromise of the Crap-and-Save Bill, part of the Troubling Asses Relief Program (TARP). "This would have been impossible prior to the mid-term elections," sai...Read full story
Fro Yo: Better Than S*x
A new brand of fro yo is hitting the market and you have got to try this one 'cause its customers say, "It's better than s*x! Yeah." Lindy Cullman, a former prostitute at the bar Robin Louis and one of the store's most loyal customers says "I rea...Read full story
Katie Waissel And Cher Lloyd To Have X-Factor Wagner's Face Tattooed On Their Arses
Sources close to the X-Factor (some bloke who lives a few houses down from the contestant's house) have told SEN that divas Cher Lloyd and Katie Waissel are planning to have likenesses of X-Factor favourite Wagner Carillho in his Elvis jumpsuit, comp...Read full story
Project Natal: Better Than Exercise!
You've heard the news, "Project Natal is better than EXERCISE!" says Frank Jones, otherwise formerly known as Frankie Joe Fat A**. One of the best gamers in the world, Frankie Joe commented on the way Project Natal turned his life around. "I...Read full story
Taylor Lautner Decks Robert Pattinson!
A smoldering argument between Taylor Lautner came to a head yesterday when Robert Pattinson gave Taylor Lautner a chest bump and got decked for his trouble! (See 'Kristen Stewart Tells Taylor Lautner Her Sexual Fantasies') What has happened to...Read full story
Prince Andrew in projectile dysfunction claim
Prince Andrew has described the Ministry of Defence as "hopeless" for not buying better armoured vehicles like the British-built 'Rangers', which resist blasts up to three times more effectively than vehicles currently in operation, which appear to b...Read full story
Megan Fox: An Affair with Justin Bieber?!
Yes. The newlywed Megan Fox, has confessed she has an affair with teen pop singing sensation, Justin Bieber. "Yeah, I was like at this bar, and I saw Justin just suddenly come in, and I started to flirt, so we took it to my car, and had a little fun...Read full story
Barack Obama endorses skin whitening product!
Thank the racists for still using the term BLACK! President Barack Obama has recently signed a contract with a Philippine skin care brand into endorsing their skin whitening line. "We are so very lucky to have our first major politician to end...Read full story
X-Factor's Liam Should Dump One Direction Says SEN's Buffty Ginslinger
Skoob Entertainment News supremo Buffty Ginslinger was in no mood for taking prisoners this morning as he reported on last night's X-Factor proceedings. Speaking from a park bench in Golden Square in the heart of London's Soho district, a hungover...Read full story
X-factor Aiden Grimshaw's message from Angry Michael Jackson
Aiden Grimshaw is in fear for his life today after it emerged last night that a famous London Psychic has received an angry message from Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson sent the message after watching Aiden murder one of his songs on last weeks...Read full story
X-Factor's Wagner "Better Than Elvis" Claims Katie Waissel
Although most people tend to agree that his singing is as flat as a witch's tit, and that if reports are to be believed, his behaviour leaves much to be desired, Wagner once more survives the X-Factor vote off. Sources insist that at least fellow...Read full story
Bollox choreography as Felicity Kendall does the Paso Doble
Blackpool - (Blast Tango In Paris): The 64-year old OAP's Saturday night rendition of the Spanish bullfighter's march was crap. Terrible timing, jerky movements and a gaunt facial expression suggesting something nasty gestating down her larynx sa...Read full story
Bio-Scientists say no to viagra and recommend buying young pussies instead and for ageing women, holidays in Kenya?
Bio-Scientists have gathered in Oslo (very Nobel) hoping to find a "natural" way of helping the growing ageing community to ensure their sex lives remain active and reduce the amount of chemical intake. According to the research, aging men should...Read full story
Popular write-in candidate Donald Fauntleroy Duck finally wins election
Drowned out by all the media hoopla surrounding the Tea Party victories, is the fact that Donald Duck actually won many of the races. Election officials in several states have confirmed that this is indeed the case. However, since the results w...Read full story
'er Maj fined for fare evasion.
Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II may have used a public service train to get to Portsmouth this weekend to see her little metal lover Lord Ark Royal of The Solent; but she was in for a shock when returning after a royal faux pas by one of the ro...Read full story
Unemployment to be made illegal.
Benefit claimants could be sent to jail under new Government proposals. Long-term dole claimants thought to be work-shy or dishonest claimants will be targeted in particular, as a prelude to an 'ethnic cleansing' type plan that will enable those...Read full story
San Francisco Bans Toys in Happy Meals, Encourages Drug Use, and Same-Sex Relations
San Francisco is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. And whether you want a night of rough trade with a pretty young boy, or $40.00 worth of wobbly pills to make the night go better, San Francisco has it. Just don't try to order a Happy...Read full story
Marine General Amos Claims a Ban on Homos With Rifles Necessary To Win War Against Terror.
Ensuring that he'll never again get a second bag of pretzels on a US Air flight, the new commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps has alienated every homosexual in the universe by saying that the don't ask, don't tell policy barring gays from serving open...Read full story
Idiot Returns $23,000 in Found Cash, Jewels.
New Jerseyans are scratching their heads over the story about two idiots; a woman who lost a backpack full of cash and jewels, and the moron who found and returned it. Joseph Monto, a 33-year-old mechanic and certified dumbass, spotted a backpack...Read full story
A pound an hour to shovel shit
In its latest crackdown on the workshy, the UK government is planning compulsory 'community work placements', paid at a pound an hour. Under these plans, the long term unemployed, and those deemed to have sabotaged all efforts to find them work,...Read full story
Trains And Boats And Planes By Martin Shuttlecock
TRAINS I love trains. I've caught loads of them in my time. Been around them a lot. See, my dad was a railway engineer, who didn't spend much time at home because he preferred trains. They were his life, trains. As he worked on the railways, I used to go and meet him at his work sometimes. Take my mates with me and we'd play on the trains until he knocked off for the day. Steam trains the...Read full story
Emma Watson To Gig With Taylor Momsen And The Pretty Reckless?
Seems like Parisienne born Brit actress Emma Watson has finally tired of being Hermione Granger out of the Harry Potter films and wants to grow up and live a little. Currently studying in the USA where she's apparently been asked out on dates by l...Read full story
"Nutcracker Lady" Arlene Wagner is Conan's First Guest: BTW, Spoiler Alert.
For the 24 people who are actually excited about Conan O'Brien's new show on a major network -- Oh, I'm sorry, Conan is persona non grata on broadcast TV-- sources have stated that Conan is bringing on the heavy-hitters to launch the new show. Th...Read full story
Glenn Beck Angry Key Republicans Willing to Work with Obama
Key Republicans, John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, have each issued statements that they are considering working alongside President Obama if it means making the country stronger. They want to work on reducing federal spending...Read full story
X-Factor's Wagner Threatened To Head-Butt Harry Out Of One Direction
It's come to the attention of Skoob Entertainment News that chunky non-football playing Brazilian X-Factor hopeful, Wagner Carrilho threatened to head butt Harry Styles out of One Direction in an argument in the X-Factor house over a washing machine.Read full story