Michael Jackson Zombie Thriller Gang Terrorises Long Beach

Funny story: Michael Jackson Zombie Thriller Gang Terrorises Long Beach

Long Beach, California - Reports are still sketchy at this point but it appears that an intersection in the city of Long Beach, California, was last night terrorised by a gang of zombies, allegedly led by deceased performer Michael Jackson. The in...

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CBS Reportedly Considering Firing 'Two And A Half Men's' Charlie Sheen And Replacing Him With Edison Pena

Funny story: CBS Reportedly Considering Firing 'Two And A Half Men's' Charlie Sheen And Replacing Him With Edison Pena

HOLLYWOOD - A highly placed unnamed source has stated that the rumblings over at the 'Eye' Network (CBS) are that there is a distinct possibility that Charlie Sheen could be axed from television's number one situation comedy Two And A Half Men. Th...

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US celebrates Veterinarians' Day

Funny story: US celebrates Veterinarians' Day

The US president, and citizens from all across the country, have today gathered together, on the 11th day of the 11th month, at the 11th hour, to celebrate a very special group of people. It is the anniversary of the end of the First World War, a war...

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Mum's the word

Funny story: Mum's the word

Rich families, in the South East of England and Cheshire, ditch their Eastern European au pairs and sign up for £1 an hour, welfare benefit, benefits it is reported. Realising that there was money to be made from poor people on benefits, Aranxta C...

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Aliens Don't Follow Movies, Doesn't Attack World Landmarks

Funny story: Aliens Don't Follow Movies, Doesn't Attack World Landmarks

BIRMINGHAM - A rougue planet named Glansokoln sent its battle forces to destroy a settlement of Earth. This broke the treaty signed by the entire universe to preserve Earth as a wildlife reserve, and not to disturb its going-ons. The forces decid...

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Another Mystery Missile Fired Off Coast Of Maine!

Funny story: Another Mystery Missile Fired Off Coast Of Maine!

For the second time this week a missile has been fired from the ocean and this definitely wasn't a plane say locals of Seaport, Maine! "They can call these things airplanes as much as they like, but this looked just like the one we saw on TV that...

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Taylor Lautner/Taylor Swift Out-Cute Robert Pattinson/Kristen! In Contest!

Funny story: Taylor Lautner/Taylor Swift Out-Cute Robert Pattinson/Kristen! In Contest!

In a new survey by six combined (Ages 14-24) popular magazines, the team of Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift received more votes than Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart who were a little miffed by the results! "I have nothing against either the T...

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U.S Soldier Receives $1.3 million of "Support" From Ribbon Sales

Funny story: U.S Soldier Receives $1.3 million of "Support" From Ribbon Sales

(November 11, 2010 -- Houston, TX)… A compelling story of patriotism warmed the nations heart this Veteran's Day as Lt. Bob McGuffie received a remarkable amount of "support" in the form of $1.3 million. McGuffie, who's a true American Hero despite...

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Bollywood and Hollywood unite and are now called "Lollywood!"

Funny story: Bollywood and Hollywood unite and are now called "Lollywood!"

The two largest global epi-centres of film-making have now united and instead of being called Holly-Bollywood their new name is "Lollywood!" This is the greatest merger in film history since those two gay cowboys in Breakback Mountain united in a...

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Potter Trio Have Had Enough

Funny story: Potter Trio Have Had Enough

The experience of playing the parts of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley has left Daniel Radcliffe Emma Watson and Rupert Grint exhausted. The news that J.K. Rowling might write more Potter stories has left the trio cold. 'No more mag...

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Rupert Murdoch Reveals He Donated Money To Charity

LONDON - At a press conference, Rupert Murdoch, head of News Corp. which owns the right-wing FOX TV network in America and the Sun tabloid in Britain, came out to the press that he used the money set aside for the BSkyB buyout, for charitable purpose...

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Lindsay Lohan's Latest Nude Pictorial More Pitiable Than Titillating.

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan's Latest Nude Pictorial More Pitiable Than Titillating.

The most interesting image is of three women. The main focus is the woman on one knee. She is dressed in a fishnet jumpsuit, looking directly into the camera lens, a lit cigarette in her left hand. Underneath her a prone woman, naked, lying face down. She lies upon a fur coat, beneath her hips. Next to her, a fully clothed woman, holding a permanent marker. On the nape of the naked woman's...

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Flies - "Just Disgusting And Stupid"

Funny story: Flies - "Just Disgusting And Stupid"

Scientists have finally come up with the answer to the question that bugs householders every summer... Why can't flies get out of the window? As everyone knows, in the height of summer, flies and bluebottles can get into your home through the n...

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Muslims May Be Producing Home-Grown Model Citizens

Funny story: Muslims May Be Producing Home-Grown Model Citizens

LONDON, EDINGBURH, CARDIFF, BELFAST - A new Counter-Terrorism report suggests that of the 1.7 million Muslims in Britain, nearly 80% are producing home-grown model citizens, who are terrifyingly good in school, and help out in their community. The...

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Joey Barton "I'm innocent!"

Funny story: Joey Barton "I'm innocent!"

Joey Barton has hit back at accusations that he is a thug and should not be allowed on a football field after allegedly "punching" Blackburn's Morten Gamst Pederson last night at St James Park. "There was a fly on his shirt so I swatted...

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Madam's Family Theme Song: A Vegas Brothel

Funny story: Madam's Family Theme Song: A Vegas Brothel

And in order to answer Ms. Charpa's call, I have created a spoof theme song to one of my boyhood syndicated favotites, the Addams Family. And I was forced to write this intro to claim a minimum of 100 words so that it could be published. (108) Then I noticed that the advertising on the left side, really screwed up the alighment of the lyrics, so I decided to write a little bit more to push the...

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Old People Told Not to get Sick

Funny story: Old People Told Not to get Sick

Skiving Oldies, pretending to have health problems are clogging up the Health system. 'It is about time Old People learnt to stop being so pathetic' said Hospital Chief Dr Mortician 'we get these people complaining about everything under the sun. The...

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Benefit cut-price Cuts!

Funny story: Benefit cut-price Cuts!

Today, Ian 'Clunckhead' Smiff, the man who makes even a retarded Orangutan look three quarters intelligent, announced a whole slew of upcoming Draconian benefit cuts. Having rushed off to the toilet to change his incontinent pad due to the overal...

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Tea Party Supports NASA Expedition to Underside of Flat Earth

Funny story: Tea Party Supports NASA Expedition to Underside of Flat Earth

Newly elected Tea Party Congressmen intend to fund a NASA project that will use advanced space technology to observe the opposite side of our flat planet for the first time. Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) stated, "I believe that this nation should comm...

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The Dallas Cowboys Sign Quarterback Kurt Warner

Funny story: The Dallas Cowboys Sign Quarterback Kurt Warner

DALLAS - Now that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has fired his head football coach Wade "The Statue" Phillips, Jones truly feels that the Cowboys might just find the road to victory. He stated that he has total confidence in his new coach Jason...

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Workers to pay for privilege

Funny story: Workers to pay for privilege

Workers will be made to pay for the privilege of doing so in what Iain Duncan Smith says is the biggest shake up of working practice since some ill though out law from 1788 was passed to prevent children being employed as chimney sweeps. In a raf...

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Brandy Responds To The Rumor That She And Her 'Dancing With The Stars' Partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy Are Dating

Funny story: Brandy Responds To The Rumor That She And Her 'Dancing With The Stars' Partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy Are Dating

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Brandy, who has made it down to the final four in this year's 11th season of Dancing With The Stars, took time to address a rumor that has been floating around for weeks. Brandy, whose last name is Norwood, sat by the swimming po...

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Student violence "caused by benefit scroungers"

Funny story: Student violence "caused by benefit scroungers"

The coalition government "has conclusive proof" that yesterday's violence at the student protests was caused by benefit cheats with nothing better to do, according to the deputy prime minister, Nick Smegma. It is thought that several dodgy looking...

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Bloodless coup d' etat: Major Amos B. Hoople Takes Over White House

Funny story: Bloodless coup d' etat: Major Amos B. Hoople Takes Over White House

Early Thursday morning on Veteran's Day, with the White House nearly deserted due to former President Barack Obama's $200,000,000 per day vacation to Mombai and Indonesia, the feckless Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Major Amos B. Hoople, walk...

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Peter King Admits He Has a Man Crush on Favre

Springfield, Mass. -- Peter King announced that he has a giant man-crush on Brett Favre, and that this crush has limited his objectivity when it comes to reporting about Favre. "When the text message scandal came out, and I didn't criticize Favre...

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Republicans Taking Shot at Killing Jobs

Washington -- Republicans are making proposals that are sure to kill jobs faster than seen since George Bush's policies left the country bailing out two major car companies and Wall Street. "We want to extend the Bush Tax Cuts, because they will...

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Stephen King Comes Out of Retirement, Again

Portland, Maine -- Stephen King is coming out of retirement, again. "Full Dark, No Stars" is the latest release for King, who announced his retirement from writing in 2002. "I thought I said it all, but when you are a formualistic writer, wel...

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SPAM Saves Carnival Cruise Ship

Funny story: SPAM Saves Carnival Cruise Ship

Rescuing dead-in-the-water Carnival Cruise ship 'Splendor', US aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan was quick to offer much needed food and water staples including copious amounts of SPAM, while the ailing ship was towed back to American shores. While t...

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Ian Holloway explodes

Funny story: Ian Holloway explodes

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway sensationally exploded at a press conference earlier today covering several reporters and photographers in flying limbs and internal organs. The incident happened after one hack asked Holloway a series of questions s...

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Row over Amazon sales of paedophile advice guide

Funny story: Row over Amazon sales of paedophile advice guide

The BBC reports that Amazon, the online shopping shop, has just withdrawn "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct" following complaints and threats to boycott the site. The author, listed as Philip R Greaves II...

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Mel Gibson Picked a Bad Week to Quit Smoking

Funny story: Mel Gibson Picked a Bad Week to Quit Smoking

Ordered to pay $60,000 in back child support and with other settlement charges pending, Mel Gibson is reportedly back on an in-home rampage as a means to redirect his anger and frustration over recent events with former gal-pal, Oksana. According...

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McCartney to reform Beatles

Funny story: McCartney to reform Beatles

Sir Paul McCartney,former member of a famous pop band called The Beatles, has announced that he is reforming the famous quartet for a series of concerts in America next year. The "moptop" explained: "I fookin' just made up some cardboard cut outs...

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Mythbusters Claim Ownership of California Missile Launch

Funny story: Mythbusters Claim Ownership of California Missile Launch

What was supposed to be finale for next season's cable hit 'Mythbusters', wound up as a national defense news story instead of an episode focused on sending a harmless home made missile into orbit. Hosts of the show, Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage...

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Zyklon-B or laughing gas? Astronomers baffled by double gas giant

Funny story: Zyklon-B or laughing gas? Astronomers baffled by double gas giant

Space - (Nitrous Oxide Mess): Two massive purple balls of lactic space gas have been discovered straddling the Milky Way. British Gas astronomers immediately hiked up the nation's domestic tariffs to stave off untoward competition from the cosmic...

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Sun Brainless

Funny story: Sun Brainless

In an extraordinary confession the Sun has stated that it is BRAINLESS In an editorial the paper comments: 'We realise that ogling women's bums and breasts is for those who have a limited appetite for news. We are therefore not qualified to pass a...

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Daily Express Under Fire Over Exploding Heads

Funny story: Daily Express Under Fire Over Exploding Heads

British national newspaper, the Daily Express, came under fire from health experts today as hospitals braced themselves for a new wave of exploding heads. The self styled 'world's greatest newspaper' is frequently given as the cause when victims a...

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Fed. Decision to Create Jobs in Printing Industry Backfires, Anti-dumping Duty Likely

Funny story: Fed. Decision to Create Jobs in Printing Industry Backfires, Anti-dumping Duty Likely

Since the speculation of Quantitative Easing (QE2) had begun back in August, many Chinese suppliers of printing presses started receiving a new flood of enquiries from the printers in China. And in November, when Bernanke approved QE2 with his sea...

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America invades itself by mistake

Funny story: America invades itself by mistake

America is still reeling today due to an all out attack from its worst enemy ever, itself. Poor old lady liberty got kicked in the pants by an aggressor it couldn't hope to fight off, following a computer related communication mishap that saw tro...

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The Cardinal and The Acolyte: A Limerick

Funny story: The Cardinal and The Acolyte: A Limerick

A Limericke about the Human Condition on the Occasion of a Major Scandal that has Acquired a Patina of Cynicism That May Destroy Our Faith as It Is Known to Us Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious Majesty, Humbert II, as He Recovers from The French Blight that has afflicted him...

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The truth will out.

The X factor has been officially classified as moron fodder by the Pope and forbidden viewing to all RC's. In truth, the producer refused to have him on the show, saying the pontiff was not popular enough to bring in a decent audience so it's just a...

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Clegg: Call of Duty inspired Riots

British Deputy PM Nick Clegg accused the insanely popular Call of Duty video games for yesterday's shocking riots at Westminster: and nothing else. Clegg, who was left on his own in a very "Home Alone" esque manner whilst Big Dave went to China, w...

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The Date Zit

I just found a sodding zit, and I'm about to have a date Do I pick it? Do I squeeze it? The taxis here, too late! I'll dab some extra aftershave and hope that it dries it out. The taxi drivers bibbing his horn and I have Vesuvius on my snout. I'm looking sharp and clean and I'm hoping she wont notice. The taxi driver looks at me as if I could do with a mustard poultice. All the while I...

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I'm A Celebrity - A Nation Yawns

Funny story: I'm A Celebrity - A Nation Yawns

So the latest Z-listers headed for the jungle have been announced - it's Ant & Dec again! No, seriously folks - there's an ex-MP who went out with a Cheeky Girl, a guy who was in Chariots of Fire, a former Happy Monday, one of Rod Stewart's ol...

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Slip trip or fall at work? You may be entitled to compensation

Funny story: Slip trip or fall at work? You may be entitled to compensation

Here at Downright, Dangerous and Careless we take all kinds of personal injury and death cases, getting the maximum compensation for our clients with a no-win not-free personal injury and death claims department. From the ridiculous to the stupid, we take all kinds of cases, you don't even need to have died, we'll also take on fatal injury cases. Give us a call if you have been fatally injur...

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Newspaper exaggerates news story

Funny story: Newspaper exaggerates news story

A mild outbreak of consternation occurred yesterday after it was discovered that a national daily paper had deliberately molested the truth, somewhere in a dark ally in the nation's capital. Details are sketchy as to which bit of truth was deliber...

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PM Prepares for Rail Bankruptcy

Funny story: PM Prepares for Rail Bankruptcy

Following news yesterday that Network Rail and Jarvis Rail are being prosecuted over their roles at Potters Bar in 2002. The Government has been hastily preparing for the worst as it emerges that Network Rail could be subject to "Unlimited Fines" if...

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Source of mysterious California missile vapor trail revealed

Funny story: Source of mysterious California missile vapor trail revealed

A spokesperson for the White House announced today the source of the mysterious vapor trail recorded off the coast of California.  "It was a military rocket performing a government function" explained  the presidential  minion.  "We had the las...

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Carrie Underwood Co-Hosts The 44th Annual Country Music Awards But Her Husband Of Four Months Is No Where To Be Seen

Funny story: Carrie Underwood Co-Hosts The 44th Annual Country Music Awards But Her Husband Of Four Months Is No Where To Be Seen

NASHVILLE - Carrie Underwood co-hosted the 44th Annual Country Music Award Show and her husband of four months was not in the building, or even in the country. Carrie was asked where Mr. Carrie Underwood was. Underwood threw a semi-hissy fit and s...

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Shaman Quits After Gosselin House Cleansing Goes Horribly Wrong

Funny story: Shaman Quits After Gosselin House Cleansing Goes Horribly Wrong

Blossom River-Crossings has been a practicing Shaman for over twenty years, having helped many affluent families on the eastern seaboard clear negative energy from themselves and their homes. She has been called a miracle worker by many. So, it is...

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Nick Clegg Claims Name Calling Worse Than Sticks and Stones

Funny story: Nick Clegg Claims Name Calling Worse Than Sticks and Stones

While Nick Clegg came out of the melee physically unscathed on Wednesday when angry students tore after him and the Liberal Democrats in London for going back on their word on college tuition hikes, he claims he has been mentally scarred beyond recog...

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Food Breaks For Fat Workers

Funny story: Food Breaks For Fat Workers

In a landmark ruling, an employer has been forced to grant five minute food breaks for his fat employees. "Stubbies", a pencil sharpener manufacturer, based in Chorley, used to only allow smokers to go outside for regular five minute breaks durin...

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Fake Pope Cons Food

Funny story: Fake Pope Cons Food

Even though it is common knowledge that The Pope departed the UK several weeks ago, that didn't stop a cafe in Doncaster being conned into serving "His Holiness" a free lunch. "Bob's" cafe in the centre of Doncaster is regarded by locals as a rea...

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Former Fat Man Sues

Funny story: Former Fat Man Sues

Ronald Rolls, car salesman and former fat man, has sued the weightloss group "WeightBreakers" after they helped him shed a staggering 40stone. Mr Rolls began life at a healthy 9lbs but ballooned to over 52stone by the time he was forty. Doctors g...

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Miley Cyrus to Join Ban the Year 2013 Campaign?

Funny story: Miley Cyrus to Join Ban the Year 2013 Campaign?

Boris Johnson's campaign to Ban the Year 2013 got an unexpected boost last night after he received a phone call from someone claiming to be Miley Cyrus. She said she wanted to join his campaign and was willing to sing a song about it. The news...

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Carnival Splendor Fire!

Funny story: Carnival Splendor Fire!

(Somewhere off the coast of Mexico) - Vowing to protect passengers from harassment by Mexican vagrants and vigilantes, the captain refused to give the order to abandon ship. Instead thousands of passengers will continue to enjoy a "magical cruise ex...

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Stranded Former Spice Girl Björk Removes Bunion from Foot with Swiss Army Knife

Funny story: Stranded Former Spice Girl Björk Removes Bunion from Foot with Swiss Army Knife

Former Spice Girl, Björk Guðmundsdóttir, performed surgery on herself after being stranded in Iceland's Jökulsárgljúfur National Park for the past four days. According to her publicist, Ms. Guðmundsdóttir was hiking when she lost her sense of dire...

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FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

Funny story: FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

Since the Food and Drug Administration can't actually force you to stop sticking lit cigarettes in your mouth --'cause Prohibition against alcohol worked really well--, the FDA has announced that they will stick really f--ked up imagery on packs of s...

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"Water-boarding? I thought they meant snow-boarding!" claims Bush

Funny story: "Water-boarding? I thought they meant snow-boarding!" claims Bush

More revelations today from George W Bush's autobiography - "George and Dicky go the White House". The former President now claims that he was "momentarily confused" and thought that the interrogation technique known as "water-boarding" was in fact...

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