Holy Foam Contraceptive Approved by Pope in Cases of Unhappy Marriage

Written by Charpa93

Monday, 22 November 2010

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Holy Foam! Batman

Following on the heels of Pope Benedict's decision to allow condom use in certain circumstances to guard against the spread of AIDS and other communicable sexual diseases, the Pope has made another landmark decision.

The Pope has declared that a special spermicide called Holy Foam may be used to ward off unwanted pregnancies by women who find themselves trapped in unhappy marriages. The reasoning behind the Pope's decision lies in the fact that having a child under less than ideal circumstances can create future generations of children who are not psychologically fit and can threaten the overall happiness of the human race in general.

While using Holy Foam is not intended to have the same impact of saving lives as condom use would, those who back the Pope's decision claim that in a more indirect way, using contraceptive foam sanctioned by the Church can cut down on a generation of youths who are ultimately faced with a family life filled with bickering and fighting and ultimately leading to their unhealthy and angry outlooks on life.

The Pope, in issuing this latest edict, wants to make perfectly clear, however, that only Holy Foam can be used in these situations and not other contraceptives such as pills or patches. The reasoning behind this is that the Pope believes allowing women to use ongoing contraceptives will give them the impetus to create fights yet allow themselves the luxury of not having to bear children even in happy marriages.

With Holy Foam, the foam is only used when the couple is having 'make-up sex' which normally never leads to a full reconciliation. Holy Foam can only be purchased through the Vatican and must be prescribed by the couple's priest who has signed a declaration that all attempts to counsel the couple toward becoming a happy couple again have failed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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