Going limp

Funny story written by walter

Monday, 22 November 2010

image for Going limp

The twenty-first century TVs and movies are brimming with the prettiest girls ever painted or seen in history. They are role models for many girls around the world. However, there's a chilling truth about them: girls do not dress for guys; they dress for other girls. In fact, they are competing with each other.

Well, in the animal kingdom, other females do the same, but it is basically the other way around. The decently feathered peahen is not impressed at all by the colorful peacock, but she is going to standby and carefully watch the competition.

The fact that western girls dress for other girls reminds us of eastern harems of Ottoman Sultans, and the fierce battles of the girls in the harems that finally ended up with the selection of the prettiest girl as the Sultan's most favorite wife.

Instinct-driven animal females have often been successful in choosing the right genes. Although instincts are turned off in man, once, a woman with a healthy appearance, of course, without any cosmetics, was the right candidate for giving birth to healthy children.

In their competition, human females have resorted to tricks of the trade: wigs, eyebrow- threading, mascara, artificial eyelashes, rouge, lipsticks…However, nowadays, we have to add cosmetic surgery to the list. Contemporary girls seem to be unaware of the fact that men are very tender creatures; they wither like a flower under a blazing sun; an offensive smell, an unpleasant sound can cripple them on the spot.

However, men have repeatedly disclosed their feelings: "As I felt the implant bag under her skin, I visualized images of hospitals, scalpels and blood. My hand fumbled her chest anticipating a plush nurturing breast. How often have you dated women with nose jobs, huge breast enhancements and lips as if stung by bees? Perhaps you have said that it is their bodies, but I will be very embarrassed before the girl when I find myself disabled.

A guy likes to date a girl who looks and feels natural, just like organic fruit. Is it too much to ask? For instance, once I dated a girl who looked natural to me until she decided to show me an old photo album of hers-and I didn't recognize anyone in the pictures. I had no choice but to blurt, 'You've had a nose job? Actually, it boggled my mind to see her disclose several secrets of her life, such as losing her virginity but not saying anything about her nose surgery. Was it really that insignificant?

Anyway, once I dated a girl who looked lump and fit. Everything looked completely real, in jeans and a T-shirt. When my hands slipped under her shirt, she erupted, 'Don't get too excited. They are awful.' In fact, one was larger than the other. But I didn't go limp; they were naturally hers."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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