London - (Psychobabble Mess): Shrinks have counselled Kate Middleton after the horrible truth dawned on the royal wannabe.
Months of relentless haranguing about which goddam' tiara will be hers to wear, share or pawn broke down last night.
Shocked officials said nothing in the Crown Jewellery collection would fit Kate because her head was way too big compared to her actual expectations.
The news shocked desperate royal mother-in-law in-waiting Carole Middleton who has mounted a superb 10 year campaign promoting her silly stick insect spawn.
This saw Kate planted in the same student digs as William and spoonfed a JK Rowling-esque fiction fantasy.
All that's now a loada hogwarts - er...hogwash! - as cash-strapped Palace finances crumble along with the Irish economy.
A crisis management meeting later this week will see William tested for congenital sperm deficiency in a standard Palace prenup arrangement.
Kate own eggs were frozen circa 2005 but remain sunny side up in a London fertility clinic.
Prince Harry's ex-squeeze Chelsy Davy is 69.