X-Factor's Katie Waissel's Grandmother is still a Prostitute

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 22 November 2010


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The sign takes on new meaning when you realise the figure on the right is bending backwards

Wayne Rooney has become a big fan of X-Factor, and voted for Katie Waissel several hundred times after Katie's grandmother revealed she is still a working prostitute at eighty-one years old.

Katie's Gran, Sheila Vogel, revealed to the national press that she is a working -ahem- girl, charging two-hundred a fifty quid a time, and still poses for fetish magazines.

"It supplements me pension," she said. "I've got expensive tastes you see. Those Spam Fritters are dear these days. And what with the cost of heating me house going up, I've had to return to the streets. Fortunately, there's a lot of people who want to do a Rooney. I'm eighty-one you know."

Vogel travels between jobs on the bus, saving her quite a bit of cash with her free bus pass, and has hinted that there are a number of big names on her client list. This has led to media speculation that Everton footballer, Diniyar Bilyaletdinov is one of her clients.

"Well, it's a big name," said Vogel, "but I like to keep my client's blushes for the bedroom, if you know what I mean."

Many of Vogel's clients have peculiar requests. "I had one guy who wanted to just sit and watch me knit," she admitted. "And another just kept offering me Worther's and snickering."

Vogel refused to reveal if Wayne Rooney was one of her regulars.

"A lot of the people who come to see me aren't regular," she admitted. "They're quite constipated, in fact. But some of me prune soup sorts em out."

With her granddaughter so much in the public eye, has Vogel decided to hang up her corset and extra-strength under-wired bra?

"Ooh, no, love," she said. "This has been great for me profile. I've never had so many gentleman callers."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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