UK offers loan of 'around £7bn Brixton pounds' to Irish Republic

Funny story written by Deafo

Monday, 22 November 2010

image for UK offers loan of 'around £7bn Brixton pounds' to Irish Republic
Ireland is said to be too poor to afford its own flag

The UK has offered the aid addicted Irish Republic a loan of around £7bn, with the caveat that it will be paid to them in 'Brixton pounds.'

The Brixton pound, which can only be spent in Brixton at shops in the scheme, was launched in 2009 and allows an exchange to the same value when bought with British pounds.

Negotiations with the Irish government are continuing over the exact terms but the chancellor told the BBC Ireland was a 'friend in need' who should still be expected to bring a bottle of wine to the economic party.

The Chancellor said, 'This is a great opportunity for Ireland to be a part of an unusually one sided deal. We will gladly lend them all that they require in Brixton pounds to ensure British interests are respected. The money to be loaned is not to be spent just anywhere, it is to be spent with us. We're not stupid.'

'I say to the Irish, ask any Londoner and they will tell you about the kind of product that can be bought in Brixton.'

'It is continually reported to be of a very high quality.'

MP for Brixton Chuka Umunna welcomed the offer.

"Brixton is a hive of urban industry, and we would welcome the Irish to come over, take in the smells of the area, and make a decision based on naive inexperience.'

The Irish Republic are likely to agree to the deal, but only if they are allowed to pay back the loan over four generations and in the form of Panini football stickers from World Cups spanning this period.

Brian Cowen, the Irish Prime Minister, said he hoped to engage local street traders from Brixton to start the sticker printing process.

'That's something we will definitely be looking into,' he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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