Ethnic Minorities In Scramble To Join BNP
Following the announcement yesterday from an Essex pub that from now on, non-white citizens would have the right to join the BNP as full members, security staff on the pub door told us that they expected a scramble from ethnic minorities for applicat...
Read full storyMissing Letterland
Missing Letterland by Rob Barratt I just heard it on the local grapevine That each and every supermarket sign Last night, for no apparent reason Other than it being the silly season Lost its first letter. I don't know why I've got an honest face. Now would I lie? And now each item and member of staff Which begins with that letter (now this really sounds daft) Must drop the beginning o...
Read full storyA Member of Australia's Winter Olympics Ice Hockey Team Sent Home Because of His Pet Kangaroo
VANCOUVER - One of the best members of the Australian ice hockey team Joshua Brismantle has been sent back home to Perth, Australia. It seems that Brismantle was somehow able to sneak his pet kangaroo Hoppity Hop, onto the plane in Melbourne, Aust...
Read full storyUnauthorized Redecorating Puts Space Station in Jeopardy
Cocoa Beach, Fl. - This is not your grandmother's front parlor! The heavy velvet curtains with the tassels, and the over-stuffed chair would look at home just about anywhere except where they are at this very moment...23,000 miles above the earth, an...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Mini-Memoirs
I'm not sure memoirs are approved for publication but maybe it's okay if they're funny. I just thought some of my readers might wonder what's with the moniker and the story behind it might be of interest to them. For openers, I'm 78 years old and in a hurry because I could keel over deader than a mackerel at any moment and I have a lot to do before that happens. I've posted several articles in...
Read full storySports Insignia Caskets Now Done By Monks
The makers of The Sports Caskets with the insignia of your favorite sports team on the casket has been awarded to the monks at the Abbey of Gethsemane. "We have more than we can take care of", stated Brendan Holedigger of Greenleaf-Whittier Coffin...
Read full storyEx Pirate Captain In Caribbean Market Confusion
Ex pirate and globally renowned author, Captain Morse sparked all manner of confusion Thursday when he visited an island market in the Caribbean, as part of a scheduled cruise on which he was a passenger. Initially, all went well as the scurvy sea...
Read full storyAdam Lambert & Simon Cowell Caught Knocking Boots
A star-struck member of the papparazzi had his luckiest day in his young career when he peeked into the window of a house where he had followed Adam Lambert and caught Lambert and Simon Cowell knocking boots. According to his report, Cowell was s...
Read full storyFormer Pirate Captain Continues Lucky Streak
Esteemed writer and former pirate captain, Morse Morse, formerly of Moosejaw, Maine, winner of an internet writer's competition in the January edition of popular satirical website TheSpoof.com with his hilarious tale of conjoined tennis playing twins...
Read full storyThe Coach of The French Winter Olympics Team Is Upset Because Someone Stole Their White Flags
VANCOUVER - The coach of the French Olympic team, Beauregard St. Suzette is highly upset because it appears that someone has stolen all of France's white flags. St. Suzette called the director of Le Ooh La La Airport in Paris, Claude Claudette, an...
Read full storyIllustrious Writer Clapped In Irons On Pleasure Cruise
Illustrious Tuliptzer prize winning author Morse was this morning sensationally clapped in irons and locked in the brig aboard the cruise ship he was supposedly spending a well earned break on. Amid widespread confusion at the Captain's breakfast...
Read full storyVanessa Perroncel-Toni Terry-Cheryl Cole-Victoria Beckham WAG Scandal Outrage Gets Even More Confusing
The ever escalating degree of confusion in the footballer's WAGs scandals of the last couple of weeks have now become so convoluted, unbelievable and impossible to keep up with that the MTTRU (Media Tittle-Tattle Reporter's Union) has considered lodg...
Read full storyHumpty Dumpty Dies In Tragic Accident
Mother Goose Land (AP) - Paramedics rushed to the garden wall down in the Dell today to discover a horrific sight. Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, as he has done countless times in the past. The well-known comedian and, well . . . egg guy, was sit...
Read full storyJack and Jill in Domestic Dispute: Jack Hospitalized
Mother Goose Land (AP) - The community was shocked today when a tragic accident befell well-known local couple Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill, sources say went up the hill. Their evident purpose: to fetch a pail of water. Witnesses say they did thi...
Read full story"Filibuster This!" Obama Moons Republican delegation
In a surprise visit to the Republican House & Senate caucus today, President Obama strode to the lectern of the meeting room without being invited. Spectators report that he had a set look on his face and fists that seemed to be clenched. As he l...
Read full storyHit The Buffers!
Morse knew he had to act fast otherwise it was going to be a train load of stiffs arriving in St Petersburg. And not the sort of stiffs a condom salesman would want either. Suddenly..... nothing! The writer's internet had packed up. Those kids at the local internet company were screwing about with their server again. Would they ever just concentrate on providing a decent service for paying cust...
Read full storyGordon Brown: "I really am a Clunt"
Gordon Brown claims he has traced his ancestry to Archduke Ferdinand Clunt an Austrian nobleman who was born in 1850 and was third in line to the Austro-Hungarian throne. Mr Brown says "Even in my days at university people recognised the associati...
Read full storyKilburn residents' disgust at Camilla visit
London - (Freeloaders): Residents of North London's top crime enclave are up in arms at the Duchess of Cornwall's visit this Wednesday amid fears of territory poaching by the royal benefits scrounger. Billed as an official visit to the police's Sa...
Read full storySerial Killer Had Complained That Neighbors Were Loud And Rude
It was revealed today that serial killer John Johnson, who allegedly is responsible for the murder of nineteen young woman in this small Michigan town, had routinely complained to official's about his neighbor's loud and rude behavior. The complaints...
Read full storyIrish Bobsled Team Disqualified For Using Sofa
Controversy at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. The Irish bobsled team has been disqualified after they completed a practice run on a sofa. Team coach Stig O'Treacy from Athleague said "We don't have much ice back home so the fellas have been tr...
Read full storyBNP Elect New Leader
The BNP today elected a new leader. Following the changes made to their membership Nick Griffin has been defeated in a secret ballot. The new leader, a Mr Nelson Mandela, is expected to make some policy changes. Griffin, a one time stunt double fo...
Read full storyVernon Kay Admits To A Couple Of Boobs
"Celebrity" Vernon Kay has admitted to making a couple of boobs. The contrite "star" apologised to his wife following what has become known as Titgate. Kay sent rather lewd text messages to Rhian Sugden, a topless model and fork lift truck driver...
Read full storyDr Who To Replace Gordon Brown
Dr Who is set to be the new leader of the Labour Party. Gordon Brown's failure to tackle the recession and the rise of David 'Dave' Cameron has led to an inter-galactic search for a new leader. Alistair Darling was ruled out because he looks to much...
Read full storyAnnual Olympic Panty Raid Goes Off With No Complications
The annual Olympic Panty Raid in the Olympic Village went off this year without any complications or injuries. The event, which happens each Olympics, features all of the male athletes raiding the dormitory rooms of all of the female athletes to ste...
Read full storySeismologists Report Increased Richter Scale Activity On Valentine's Day
Seismologists all around the world reported increased Richter scale activity on Valentine's Day. This activity was not centered on any one location, but was reported on most of the world's land masses. "I definitely felt the Earth move last night...
Read full story95% of people say they wouldn't send Vernon Kay sex texts
He's the frisky Family Fortunes presenter who has been caught exchanging texts with some wannabe WAGs. So in true Family Fortunes style, I asked 100 people what kind of texts they'd send to Vernon Kay if they were given his mobile phone number.
Read full storyAmerican Removed From Cruise Ship
An American man was removed from an international cruise ship in handcuffs and leg irons after spending the previous three days under house arrest. The man, identified only as "Cap Morse," is accused of causing mayhem and several disturbances onboar...
Read full storyThe Queen visits Somalia
Last week HRH Queen Latifah- I mean Elizabeth II- visited her native home of Somalia for her annual "Poor People" trip. After getting off the royal chopper, she was greeted by an almighty smell, a mixture of death, rats and old people. Se exclaim...
Read full storyChinese Team At Olympics May Have Violated Age Requirements Again
The Chinese Winter Olympic Team may have violated age requirements for several events, just as their summer team did two years ago when they sent underage divers and gymnasts. Local merchants and other services in Vancouver have reported that th...
Read full storyPalin Inspires Tea Party Audience with "Tell Off" Stories
Ashland, KY (BNSE): Former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, continued her outreach to the Tea Party movement this week, speaking before a group of Tea Party activists outside Ashland. Palin was warmly received by the $150 per ticket Tea Party rally a...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Sculpture to Replace Statue of Liberty
Late pop legend Michael Jackson is set to cause controversy from beyond the grave with a new 150 foot tall bronze sculpture of the dead singer that will replace the Statue of Liberty. The new bronze creation, which will feature Jackson in his icon...
Read full storyLocal Dolly Parton Fan Gets Breast Implants
Local man Kevin King, 28, has become something of a local celebrity after he appeared at the local Dolly Parton festival in Mrs. Bridges garden last week topless. You see Kevin had just recently undergone breast augmentation surgery - just like hi...
Read full storyWinter Olympics officials hire Homer Simpson alias Mr Plough
Officials at the Winter Olympics have hired Homer Simpson alias Mr Plough to move snow about during the next few weeks as it will save them having to pay anybody a wage or a contract fee. An agreement has been made between Winter Olympic officials...
Read full storyTheSpoof Writer Morse Feared Lost At Sea
Those aboard the Cruise Ship, The Ancient Mariner, say that one of their passengers apparently fell overboard after a late party last night. The man who went by the pen name "Morse" (Apparently he had spent some time in the pen) and whom the cre...
Read full storyGordon Brown for sale on Ebay
An advertisement has appeared on Ebay unelected Prime Minister for sale goes by the name Gordon Brown capable of crying like a baby if he has to and has a face that looks like he has hit every branch of the ugly tree. After complaints to Ebay by B...
Read full storyNazi Party meets in Nuremberg to vote on membership changes
The National Socialist Democratic Workers' Party - the 'Nazis' - today held an extraordinarily silly meeting in Nuremberg for members of it to vote on amending its rules to allow Jews, Communists, Socialists, Trade Unionists, blacks, Asians, Romanies...
Read full storyWee Jimmy Whyman on Politics
Wee Jimmy Whyman is the 5 year old boy who has never ending questions that most adults find difficult to answer or in some cases don't want to answer. Jimmy was watching the news and said to his Dad "How is it that the entire news has been taken up giving you reports about Labour and Tory parties with no other point of view given a mention" His Dad replied "That's what they call Democracy so...
Read full storyCourtney Love's speech to the Oxford Union in full
American 'grunge' singer and guitarist Courtney Love made a speech to the Oxford Union today, and here it is: 'Yo, students! Listen, ya know my real passion in life ain't coke or heroin or booze or smashing guitars up on stage, no way, Elvis Presley! No, what I really love is quantum physics, man, and all that Greek myth stuff. Yeah, I get up on a Sunday and get out my computer, like, and my 'N...
Read full storyObama Consults with Goober
President Obama reacted to news that Iran is enriching uranium by going for a haircut. His regular barber Floyd cuts the president's hair every ten days and is known to be a sounding board for the president often giving him words of advice such as "Yass", "Yasss'" and "Oh! I see." This time the president told Floyd that he really didn't know what to do, it was as he put it, "A Stumper." Afte...
Read full storyManatees Succumb to Climate Change
The unusually cold weather that struck Florida in January has killed at least 5 percent of West Indies manatees this year. That amounts to 280 in all. What is the significance of this news? * No more Manatee-ka-bobs * McDonald's can no longer sell "Big Manatee with Fries and a Coke." * Postponement of the Key West's annual Manatee Look-a-Like contest. * Manatee linguini is n...
Read full storyThree is a magic number
John J.Jones just loves the number three he thinks its a magic number. John was born 3/3/33 he lives now at an address in Three Crosses near Swansea in Wales and his house number is number three. For years, John has researched the amazing things about the number three for example: Three Wise Men visited Jesus, The English King Richard The Lion Heart chose as his armorial bearing a shield wi...
Read full storyTonya Harding Upset That Group Offers Knee Whacking Services To 2012 Winter Olympians In Her Name
Former Olympic Ice Skater Tonya Harding has announced that she is upset others are offering knee whacking services to all of the 2012 Olympic athletes in Vancouver, Canada. "Tonya Harding Knee-Cap 'Em Services" is in no way connected to her, she clai...
Read full storySusan Boyle to be sent to Hell Man
Susan Boyle is to be sent to Hell Man sorry Helmand province in Afghanistan to sing for the troops just like Vera Lynn did during the Second World War. It is hoped that as well as helping to entertain our troops it could also frighten the Taliban...
Read full storyAlabama to be renamed Alabammy
Alabama is to be renamed Alabammy because they have so many people that are absolutely bammy. The latest case in the news that proves the point happened at Alabama University when a University Biology Professor Amy Bishop shot dead three members...
Read full storyMan banned from bus because he was carrying a tin of tartan paint
Brian Weekly was banned from boarding his local bus in Paignton because he was carrying a tin of tartan paint. The bus driver told Brian he could not travel on the bus with a tin of tartan paint because it was against company policy. Mr Weekly...
Read full storyJohn Terry In New Allegation
When things start to go wrong, it sometimes feels like the whole world is going to cave in, and that's how it must seem to Chelsea skipper John Terry at the moment after a new scandal prepared to do the rounds in the Sunday tabloids this morning.
Read full storyBrawl Breaks out on 'Ladies Only' Bus, Driver Hospitalized
The maiden voyage of this special bus on Fifth Avenue in New York City did not turn out as harassment free as planned, when two of the -- um, ladies -- had an argument about which of them had gotten the better bargain at Saks Fifth Avenue. Pow!...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Reject Vanessa "Tennessee Girl" Wolfe Gets A Great Welcome Back Home Parade
VONORE, Tennessee - The 19-year-old resident of Vonore, Tennessee, Vanessa Wolfe, has returned back to her hometown. The towns 1,492 residents all turned out for The Welcome Back Home Vanessa Day Parade and Cornbread Fixin' Bake-Off. Evelyn S...
Read full storyZookeeper Raped by Gorilla
Zoo keeper Roy Schlemmer had no idea what he was getting himself into when he reported to work today at the San Jose Zoo. The zoo, renowned for being on the cutting edge of safety, announced to employees early last week that today would be the day...
Read full storyJohn Mayer Promises He'll Stop Using The 'N' Word, The 'Q' Word, and The 'C' Word
ALTOONA, Pennsylvania - Singer John Mayer is absolutely driving his publicist crazy. Mayer was interviewed backstage after having just finished performing a concert in Altoona's Quaker Oats Oatmeal Auditorium. A reporter for The Altoona Aftern...
Read full storyJohn Gosselin Travels To Beverly Hills To See About Getting 'Winky' Augmentation
BEVERLY HILLS - John Gosselin, the Jon of the old reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 was in Beverly Hills visiting Dr. Max Boxfluff who deals in breast augmentation and tit enhancement. Jon, the ex-husband of Kate Gosselin, was not looking to get an...
Read full storyMid-week premiership wrap
Manchester United drew with Aston Villa this week despite United midfielder, Nani, seeing red. Confusing us for the BBC, SAF could not be reached for comment so unfortunately we were subjected to the thoughts of Mike Phelan. "Oh it was a definite...
Read full storyNRA supports bullet ban
The NRA issued a release today saying that it supports a ban on ammunition sales in the U.S.."It's a fact", said a spokesman, "guns don't kill people, bullets do". The NRA has long been of the opinion that any restrictions on gun ownership would viol...
Read full storyFootball club's pet food sponsorship deal disallowed as 'false advertising'
It was announced today that Grimsby Town the struggling league two football club have secured a deal with Youngs Sea Foods to continue with sponsorship next season, even if they are relegated. It was rumoured that a national pet food manufacturer...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Says Her Cuts Are Caused By Her New Hobby - Whittling
DETROIT - Lindsay Lohan was in town trying to get a nice deal on a brand new car. LiLo heard that if she went to Detroit to purchase a car, she could save anywhere from $70 to $90 and she could also get a very nice set of customized windshield wip...
Read full story