John Mayer Promises He'll Stop Using The 'N' Word, The 'Q' Word, and The 'C' Word

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 14 February 2010


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image for John Mayer Promises He'll Stop Using The 'N' Word, The 'Q' Word, and The 'C' Word
John Mayer performing at The Quaker Oats Oatmeal Auditorium in Altoona.

ALTOONA, Pennsylvania - Singer John Mayer is absolutely driving his publicist crazy.

Mayer was interviewed backstage after having just finished performing a concert in Altoona's Quaker Oats Oatmeal Auditorium.

A reporter for The Altoona Afternoon Gazette asked him if he was really serious when he issued his apology for using the "N" word in a recent Playboy Magazine interview.

John got a little huffy and replied, "Well of course I was serious about apologizing for using the "N" word. He then said that he is planning on never again using the "N" word. He also stated that he will also work on not using the "C" word or the "Q" word as well."

He did say that he still plans on using the "B" word though, but only because he comes across so many of them, no pun intended or even remotely suggested.

The local reporter for The Altoona Afternoon Gazette, Calypso Alouette, who admits to being a card-carrying lesbian, then asked him if he had anything against gays and lesbians. John became somewhat agitated and replied, "Yeah, a two by four."

Alouette asked him if she could quote him. "Yeah go ahead and quote me, it won't be the first time that I get quoted by a lesbian c***."

John then asked her if she had heard about a town in Nevada that was so small that the town prostitute was a lesbian. He said that the guys had to drive to the next town in order to pay for sex.

He pointed out that he once accidentally dated a lesbian dyke. He said he taught her how to play the guitar and she taught him how to grab his crotch. He said it was one crazy-ass confusing date.

In other news. Vice-President Joe Biden said off-the-record that being vice-president is the most boring job he has ever had. He added that he hardly ever does anything but go to little out-of-the-way diners and dives and eats hamburgers with the president. Biden also said off-the-record that he has never in his life eaten so many chicken wings, collared greens, and cornbread.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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