John Terry In New Allegation

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 14 February 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for John Terry In New Allegation
His eyes are all over the place

When things start to go wrong, it sometimes feels like the whole world is going to cave in, and that's how it must seem to Chelsea skipper John Terry at the moment after a new scandal prepared to do the rounds in the Sunday tabloids this morning.

After Terry's sex scandal involving that French bird, a new allegation surfaced yesterday when a London woman, Elsie Tripe, 65, claimed that the Stamford Bridge hero had 'eyed her up' on a London bus last November, giving rise to speculation that he is a womaniser and a serial bigot.

Terry, 29, has immediately refuted the pensioner's story, saying that he routinely 'looks around' when on a bus, and, when eyes meet, frequently smiles politely. The suggestion that he had made an advance on Mrs Tripe, however, was, he said:


Several other women have also made astonishing claims that Terry has 'made a move' on them. One, Essex resident Lisa Baggins, 21, told how a poster of Mr Terry stuck on her bedroom wall, never stopped ogling her, even when she got undressed, and especially when she fingered herself every night before going to bed. Filthy bitch.

This follows a claim by more than two hundred women at the recent Burnley v. Chelsea game at Turf Moor, to the effect that JT was 'mentally undressing' them after scoring his side's winner against the Clarets, another claim rubbished by Terry.
The defender told us the mere suggestion was:


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more