Esteemed writer and former pirate captain, Morse Morse, formerly of Moosejaw, Maine, winner of an internet writer's competition in the January edition of popular satirical website TheSpoof.com with his hilarious tale of conjoined tennis playing twins Buck and Percival Pissgums, continued his lucky streak last night.
Currently 'all at sea' on a luxury Caribbean cruise ship, former pirate, Captain Morse - wearing a penguin suit - sat down to dinner with his good lady wife, and promptly won the raffle. Not once, but twice!
The winning tickets were Yellow 263 and Pink 894. A flabberghasted Morse had to twice make the trip from table to podium to collect his prizes.
The first prizegiving went off smoothly, with the Cap winning an electric foot spa, which should come in useful at some point in the future, for feet or something.
The second prize, which prompted diners to rise to their feet with a standing ovation and demand that Captain Morse make a speech, was a circus acrobat's unicyclee, which the Cap accepted gratefully, if with a little confusion.
Squaring up to the microphone to make his speech, and sounding a little like Sly Stallone at the end of Rocky 2, so deep was the emotion, Morse announced:
"Yo everybody! I did it! I won the raffle! Twice!" at which point the former pirate captain forced back tears of emotion, before continuing in a cracked voice. "I am so proud to win this raffle. I owe it all to my lovely wife, to my dog, and to the guys and gals from The Spoof. Apart from winning the January Writer's compy on The Spoof, this is THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"
Which says a great deal. We're not quite sure what that great deal is, and we aren't convinced that Morse does either. But we will bring you:
More as we get it.