Boxing Legend Terry 'Boom-Boom' Minter All Set For Dramatic Comeback
Former boxing champion Terry 'Boom-Boom' Minter has announced from his training HQ in Torquay, Devon, that he is now back up to speed and fighting fit. All he needs is a promoter and an opponent. Minter 64 yesterday said: "I'm ready. The traini...
Read full storyBill Gates To Offer Prayer Help Desk
Bellevue, WA. Apparently overwhelmed with prayer requests, Microsoft icon Bill Gates is offering the Almighty a "Prayer Parsing Service," similar to a computer software "help desk. "In a vision the other night God pleaded with me to help ease his/her...
Read full storyAl Franken Vacates Minnesota Senate Seat
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Former "Saturday Night Live" writer and performer Al Franken resigned from his post as Minnesota Senator today, citing mental exhaustion from an unbelievably tight election, an arduous recount, and a subsequent 7-week court battle o...
Read full storyMigaloo has same skin condition as Michael Jackson
Migaloo, the rare white humpback whale that has made an appearance off the east coast of Australia, has the same condition as the recently deceased 'King of Pop', Michael Jackson. With uncanny similarity to 'Wacko Jacko' it is believed that Migalo...
Read full storyIdiot Digs Up Asparagus Patch - Thought It Was Weeds
A local idiot, Billy Bump 42 of Sweetwater Street, today dug up an asparagus patch in the garden which his wife had carefully nurtured for 11 years. And put the asparagus on the compost heap. "I didn't know it was asparagus," Bump told us. "I thou...
Read full storyBernie Madoff Checks Out His Next Home for the Next 150 Years
Bernie Madoff: What's that? Guard: That's your new home, 983867. Bernie: It's only one room! Guard: But it's very efficient. You can eat, read, sleep, take a crap without exerting yourself. Bernie: You mean that's my bed? Guard: Yep. Bernie: Sheets? Guard: Yep. Bernie: How many threads per square inch? Guard: Two. Bernie: But I have tender skin! Guard:...
Read full storyMurray Fails To Win Wimbledon
It's more British than eating strawberries and cream, washed down with pints of flat ale, more British than beating Germany in World Wars, and even more British than constantly complaining about the weather. Yes, it's that time of the year again when...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Will Revealed
The reading of the last will and testament of the late, great King of Pop, Michael Jackson, was revealed here in Los Angeles this afternoon, and shocked those present, who included the singer's parents, both as mad as hatters. Joe and Katherine Ja...
Read full storyThrifty Tips #3
In the latest in our occasional series on how to save money we look at a clever way to keep cool in this monstrous heatwave that is currently sweeping the country. All you need for this 'Thrifty Tip' is a bed, a fridge and your hot self. The best type of bed to have is one from a leading Swedish flat pack furniture supplier, the reason for this will become clear later. First, remove your...
Read full storySupreme Court Reveals Stunning Opinions
Early this afternoon, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Stuart Smalley be seated as the newly elected Senator from the State of Minnesota. The eight month politicized ordeal has left the citizens of Minnesota with only a 50% representation in the...
Read full storyAl Franken Wins Election In Iran
Tehran, Iran - A judicial recount in Iran has had a very improbable outcome. Minnesota State Senate hopeful, Al Franken, has posted an overwhelming majority over incumbent President Mahmoody Ima Dinnerjacket. Said Franken, "Oh my Allah! I didn't...
Read full storyFormer Supermodel Karen Mulder Arrested
Former supermodel Karen Mulder has been arrested in Paris after allegedly making threatening phone calls to her plastic surgeon when the doctor refused to reverse an earlier operation. Karen who was one of the first models ever to have an entire i...
Read full storyLeaked Autopsy Findings Suggest Jackson Had Worms
This British based team of reporters rushed to LA in an attempt to leap aboard the Michael Jackson is dead story, bandwagon, controversy, and all the rest of it. At the LA County Coroner's Office, or, more accurately, outside it because they would...
Read full storyFrom The Archives: Village loafer wastes life hitting spherical objects into dug holes
Eleusis, Sparta (Greece) 30 June 1037 AD: Eleusis, a sleepy village on the outskirts of the city state of Sparta is getting geared up for its annual fair. Buzzing with excitement, the villagers of Eleusis are busy making preparations for the big even...
Read full storySid Kent Denies Superman Allegations
Metropolis man, and reporter for the Daily Planet newspaper, Sid Kent 32, today categorically denied that he was the caped crusader from the planet Krypton who has been valiantly fighting crime and rescuing citizens in mortal peril for over fifty yea...
Read full storySo Many famous people dying! WHO'S NEXT?
Los Angeles California - Celebrites from Britney Spears to Brad Pitt are scared they will be next to die. Brad Pitt is quoted as saying "God must be mad as hell at hollywood star's because he keep's killing us off one by one." Also Britney Sp...
Read full storyZac Efron has moved from Hoe to English Rose
Zac Efron has once again shocked family, friends and fans alike by finally moving on from High School Musical Hoe Star Vanessa Hudgens. The high school musical and 17 Again star is said to be in a relationship with a 20 year old English rose.
Read full storyFDA To Keep eyes on the Dough
The Food and Drug Administration said yesterday that it had confirmed the presence of E. coli 0157, a deadly strain of bacteria, in samples of refrigerated cookie dough. As of last week, CDC reported 69 cases of E. coli 0157 illness linked to cook...
Read full storyCurse On Twilight? Kristy Stewart Has Close Call
Actress Kristie Stewart of Twilight fame had a close call a couple of days ago that was not covered well, partly because of the Michael Jackson super-coverage and partly and luckily, she was OK but badly shaken. Since all the trouble getting "New...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Not Father Of The Kids, According To Debbie Rowe
Now that Michael Jackson is dead and having two autopsies to be 100% sure, ex-wife and surrogate mother Debbie Rowe is no longer bound to the confidentially agreement he paid a lot of money to sign. So what does she do first thing? Revealing that Mic...
Read full storyGovernment proposal to pay everybody in Tips
The Government has put forward a money saving proposal whereby everyone would be paid in tips rather than receive a standard wage. Instead of people knowing what they are going to get every week, the government's idea will encourage workers to 'tr...
Read full storyChildren of the World Haunted in their Dreams by Michael Jackson
Children all across the globe have been reporting a disturbing amount of nightmares involving dead pop legend Michael Jackson, prompting fears of an unfolding Nightmare on Elm Street scenario. Kids as far away as Calcutta have reported being stalk...
Read full storyInternet Swamped By Flood Of 'Sick' Rumours
Internet administrators have appealed for restraint following a host of totally unfounded and very sick rumours about celebrity deaths. Following the recent demise of Kung Fu star David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson, and keen to c...
Read full storyJanet Jackson to flash her Nipples at brother Michael's Funeral
It has been dubbed the biggest funeral of the 21st Century and what better occasion for Janet Jackson to promote her latest album than by flashing her nipple in front of a worldwide audience. Janet's right nipple attracted worldwide attention when...
Read full storyMichael Jackson has a face like a big Hairy Arse
Dead pop singer Michael Jackson has been called many things down through the years: paedophile, bastard, cock sucker, dickhead and so on and so on. But never until now has he been referred to as "Big Hairy Arse face". But this is not a childish in...
Read full storyAliens to return Michael Jackson 'Home'
Intergalactic planetary explorers from another dimension have issued an ultimatum to Michael Jackson's family: "Give him back to us or face the consequences". Jackson was abandoned on Earth in 1958 during an aborted takeover by the Alien creatures...
Read full story'We All Scream For Ice Cream' Screams Parched Brit As UK Sizzles
British citizens, who traditionally love to twat on about the weather, have been having a right proper whinge as temperatures and humidity soared today. For a land more accustomed to grey skies and driving rain, the outbreak of hot weather has kno...
Read full storyAnnie Leibovitz to take 'Official' Michael Jackson Autopsy Photos
Los Angeles, CA - Perhaps the most celebrated celebrity photographer of the latter half of the 20th century, Annie Leibovitz has been hired by Joe Jackson to take the 'official' photographs of Michael Jackson's autopsy. "The point of the exercise,...
Read full storyReaganites Ready To Take Over America By Force
A group calling themselves The Reaganites are preparing to take over the leadership of America. The group, led by some top Talk Radio hosts such as Rush Limbaugh have apparently kept a huge quaintity of weapons stored in caves all through Kentuc...
Read full storyChimp wants more of Jackson banana
In developing news, a hairy back ape from Nambibia in Africa has come forward claiming some of the Michael Jackson squillions left after the "Moonwalkers" death. The ape, who resides in a large tree, is claiming to be the father of the ape that J...
Read full storyAlphabetical Order! Order!
Klaus Enuff, a maverick linguist from the University of Carumba has come up with a radical solution to the age old complaint of the computer keyboard not being in alphabetical order. "Tis simples, yes?" said Enuff, mimicking Aleksandr the meerkat...
Read full storyGeorge W Bush still the biggest skeleton in Jackson cupboard
Los Angeles - (Rioters): "We reckon Sony Music hitman George W Bush topped the real Jackson, circa 1989," an FBI investigator into Michael Jackson's death commented today. The Federal probe has spread to Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch in Waco, Texas...
Read full storyDemi Lovato: "Who is Miley Cyrus?" And New Problems For The Once Good Role Model
In an interview with PopStarsBabes, actress and singer Demi Lovato went crazy when the interviewer asked her about Miley Cyrus' status. She screamed "Who is Miley Cyrus?". The interviewer told her that Cyrus was a Disney teen idol, just like Lovat...
Read full storyAn end to Climate Change
The soft drink manufacturer Spritzer that makes such drinks as Cake Cola and Fanba, have come up with a remarkable scheme that looks set to not only halt the increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but actively reduce it. "What we are propos...
Read full storyAnger as red car beats blue car in new Milky Way advert!
Parents and Children alike have been outraged by the new advert released recently by Mars. In a shocking turn of events the Red Car beats the Blue Car. Charlotte Bonks from charity 'Fat Kids Won't Live Long' said "this is disgusting, everyone know...
Read full storyMichael Jackson 'had a penis'
Only days after the announcement of the King of Pop's death, it has emerged that the singer had what has been described as 'a penis' attached to his body. The discovery was made during the first initial autopsy yesterday in Los Angeles, California...
Read full storyPresident Obama Announces Official Michael Jackson Day
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama at a White House press conference has stated that he is issuing a presidential proclamation designating Michael Jackson's birthday, August 29, as National Michael Jackson Day. The president said that thro...
Read full storyMadoff sentence more than double life expectancy
Yesterday saw the case close on multi billion dollar fraudster Bernie Madoff. The Manhattan federal court awarded Mr Madoff 150 years imprisonment for ripping people off and living a luxurious lifestyle for over ten years. During this time Mr Ma...
Read full storyJesus Puts Population of Heaven at 150, Tops
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus' off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That's 1-to-the-5-plus-0 people, period, the population of septic fields like Armpit, New Mexico, and Chowder Fa...
Read full storyAndy Murray Out of Wimbledon
The talented young Scot's manager, his mother, Doris (28) has pulled Murray from the tournament. "After seeing my wee bairn all hot and bothered and being kept up until all hours in that big, hot tent just so Eastenders could go upmarket to BBC2 -...
Read full storyJacko claimed for Neverland on Parliamentary expenses
Following the recent revelations about MP's claims for moats and duck houses, it was revealed yesterday that former King of Pop, singer Michael Jackson was under investigation by the parliamentary ombudsmen over claims relating to his second hom...
Read full storyVince, the 'Sham-WOW' Guy Should Have Died Instead of Billy Mays(!)
The public has spoken: Vince, the much despised 'Sham-WOW' guy should be six feet under instead of Billy Mays. Mays, the enthusiastic spokesman for miracle cleaning products was best known for his LOUD late-night TV commercials and his full, magni...
Read full storyAaron Carter's New Song "Let Go" Is About Hilary Duff!
Unbelievable but true! Aaron Carter's comeback single "Let Go" is about Hilary Duff, his ex-girlfriend... Seven years ago! In the song, Carter sings: "I used to love a girl, Thinking about her makes me a little crazy. So, I gotta let go, Becau...
Read full storyFrench ministry bans Burkes and Bourkes due to confusion over burkha
Due to a problem with his hearing aid, the French Interior Minister, Monsieur S. Mel Garlique, has banned a host of people with names sounding like burkha. Following a giant international misunderstanding over the traditional black full-body dress...
Read full storyMadoff Left Standing With Only His Underwear
Bernie Madoff was left standing in court wearing only his underwear before his sentencing judge today. The Honorable Denny Chin ordered that the unbelievably greedy Ponzi scheme artist return $171 billion to individuals that he distressed and also ev...
Read full storyIranian Leaders Seek Help From A Vote Recount Expert- BUSH!
Iranian President Ahmadinejad is seeking out information on how to deal with the Iranian vote recount from former US President George Bush. Ahmadinejad is at the center of protests in Iran concerning the Presidential election and the accusations of f...
Read full storyThe Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - The latest in the Bravo Network's spin-off line of real housewife shows will premier on July 13. The original real housewives show was The Real Housewives of Orange County. The new entry is named, The Real Housewives of...
Read full storyGhosts of 4,000 Dead US Soldiers Refuse to Withdraw from Iraqi War Zone
As live United States of America troops in Iraq withdraw from war zones in compliance with a Bush agreement that set the pull out date for the end of June, a strange phenomenon is being reported throughout the Iraqi nation. Every night around th...
Read full storyPope Finds the Bones of Sts Peter and Paul
On the feast of Sts Peter and Paul who in real life couldn't stand each others guts, Pope Benedict the Sixteenth, whose guts are hated by lots of people, announced that he found the great saints bones. Benedict who has rejected the carbon dating that...
Read full storySandford & Sons Opens Argentine Junkyard and Whorehouse
Mark Sanford and his four sons have decided to move to Argentina and open a new business. Sanford told the Gettin' Bizy Weekly that the family business will be a combination junkyard and house of prostitution. We'll be recycling refuse and Juans on a...
Read full storyMadoff Trades 150 Year Sentence for Millions in Investment $$
Bernie "The Ponzi Schemer" madoff was facing a century and a half of hard prison time when the financial scam artist got a bright idea. Madoff sent out a prospectus to his many ripped off clients offering them a way to get their money back and more b...
Read full storyManny Ramirez Is Ready To Play Ball!
LOS ANGELES - ESPN VII is reporting that suspended Los Angeles Dodgers superstar Manny Ramirez is ready to return to baseball. El Manny is just about finished serving his 50 game suspension. And at a cost of $7.7 million, it has to rank as being t...
Read full storyThanks to Democrats, America May Lose War on Environment
WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Democrats on Friday effectively smothered the Republican-backed "Atmosphere of Change" bill, which could have increased the carbon footprint of the US by allowing Americans to ignore the continued devastation of our planet, e...
Read full storyUN Emergency Summit Meeting - Spoof Star Trek Saga May Never Be Completed
Consternation tonight from New York City as the UN called an emergency meeting, suspecting that TheSpoof.com's hugely anticipated Star Trek collaboration may never be completed. "This news is devastating," President Barack Obama announced. "It's s...
Read full story"Politics 2008"
Los Alamos - Andrew Adamson brought to the public this morning that he would try his hand at a new movie genre. He says that he's sick of directing the Pevensie kids in "The Chronicles of Narnia" because they're "such pooper scoopers! They think they...
Read full storyTop Five Reasons Why Peter Jackson is Making "Beware the Cow"
Grand Rapids, MI - Peter Jackson filled out a sheet with five reasons why he wanted to make this movie. They are as follows: 1.) Cows are by far the most interesting animals. Their intelligence ranks up with animals such as apes and elephants! And as many know, elephants are known for their humor. 2.) Cows are lovable. Have you ever seen a cow that you don't want to give a big bear hug too?...
Read full storyHillbilly From Paducka, Kentucky Surfaces With Michael Jackson's Will
Paducka, Kentucky - A man by the name of Billy Joe Bob claims to have the only known authentic copy of the Last Will and Testament of Michael Jackson. Said Mr. Bob, "Mr. Michael Jackson came through here a few years back. His Llama had broken down...
Read full storyMadoff Sentenced To 150 Years - Blames QM
Fraudulent investment broker Bernard Madoff was today sentenced to 150 years in prison, having blatantly robbed hundreds, if not thousands of investors in a carefully calculated scam. Some of which resulted in said investors committing suicide becaus...
Read full storyAndy Murray Brings the Roof Down at Wimbledon!
Andy Murray heroically defeated world ranked 10967 Stanilas Warwinka of Switzerland over five sets (2/6, 6/3, 6/3, 5/7, 6/3) tonight. This was only after the new £80, million roof collapsed narrowly missing spectators and players alike. Rumours a...
Read full storyThe Spoof Scolds Aspartame Boy for his Long Vacation
CHANDLER, AZ - A big brew-ha-ha today at the Boy residence in Chandler, where it was revealed that The Spoof has punished Aspartame Boy for not writing any news stories "in a long time", as the editors claim. Aspartame Boy's spouse and children ar...
Read full storyFinal Details of PPIP Announced by Treasury
Late this afternoon, at the Gotti Social Club in New York, the US Treasury Department announced the public component to the Public Private Investment Program (PPIP). The "pupick," Treasury Secretary Geithner's plan to apply Chanel #5 to the large...
Read full storyFamily's Prayer for Ailing Father Alerts God to Sinner
Atlanta, GA - Alvin Stubbins of Atlanta, GA may very well be alive today if it was not for the prayers of his family. 57 year old Stubbins, a factory worker from Stone Mountain went into the hospital for routine surgery for torn ligaments in his k...
Read full storyBaltimore Mayor Resolves Plastic Bag Dispute
Baltimore MD: The Baltimore City Council has tried on several occasions to either completely ban the use of plastic supermarket bags or to charge a user fee of 25 cents per bag. There have been complaints about bags floating in the Inner Harbor (...
Read full storyMovie to be Acted Entirely by Cows!
Grand Rapids, MI- Renowned film director Peter Jackson said earlier today that he plans to direct a movie, "Beware the Cow," with a cast made up of cows only! He said he's had the dream to do so since he was a child. "Well mate," Peter said to me...
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