Alphabetical Order! Order!

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

image for Alphabetical Order! Order!
Somebody getting to grips with a dictionary beginning at Q

Klaus Enuff, a maverick linguist from the University of Carumba has come up with a radical solution to the age old complaint of the computer keyboard not being in alphabetical order.

"Tis simples, yes?" said Enuff, mimicking Aleksandr the meerkat for some unknown reason. "Everyones is complainings that computer keyboards is not in alphabetical order, yes? And it takes years of practicings to find the any key referred to in error messages. I proposings therefore, that we changings the order of the alphabet!"

Enuff explained that there are plenty of reasons for having the keyboard in QWERTY order, such as to increase the speed of typists, with it's logical placings of letters. However, there is no good reason for the order of the alphabet.

Opposition to Enuff's idea comes mainly from librarians, who would have their work cut out rearranging the shelves. They didn't become librarians to do hard work.

The best theory for the current alphabetic order stems back to a stonemason in Rome who carried a separate chisel for each letter. Their order became the alphabet, with W, X, Y and Z tagged on as and when they were invented, overlooking the fact that the Romans must have had an X because they used it for the number ten. With this being a completely arbitrary reason, it would appear that Enuff will be getting his wish.

The song ABC... will be replaced with the song QWE..., and billions of lines of computer code that rely on the order the alphabet will now be rewritten. Computer programmers don't mind, as it keeps them in work. The phrase 'as simple as ABC' will be retained for sentimental reasons, though it's meaning will one day become as obscure as the phrase 'raining cats and dogs'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more