Andy Murray Out of Wimbledon

Funny story written by Blazing Saddle

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

image for Andy Murray Out of Wimbledon
Doris Murray gives her opinion of the price of strawberries & cream

The talented young Scot's manager, his mother, Doris (28) has pulled Murray from the tournament.

"After seeing my wee bairn all hot and bothered and being kept up until all hours in that big, hot tent just so Eastenders could go upmarket to BBC2 - it's just too much" explains Doris.

"As the hand that rocked the cradle, I have every right to look after the wee man's best interests. I saw people in the crowd who I do not want the laddie associating with. Euan Crapmegor - I saw him in Trainspitting and cannot trust him - was there egging the wee boy on".

Ms Murray also reacted badly to the news that Seen Cannery had telephoned her son. "That bauchle is as sleekit as they come" she expostulates "whae diz he think he is? We're Scots royalty, no that geriatric failed milkman. Whit next - Pa Broon on the phone? I saw that wee nyaff Ian Hislap of Private Eee at Centre Court so I widnae be surprised"!

"I also noticed that Andy's little playmate wee Kimmie Sears was drooping with tiredness. Why - she was a heartbeat behind me in aggressive fist-pumping when the wee boy won the odd point".

Wimbledon officials, aghast at the prospect of a Murray-free final have offered to nobble Federer. turn up the air conditioning in Centre court and pipe CBeebies courtside between games.

Doris Murray remains adamant - "If these Sassenach bastards will no even adjust the schedules so my laddie can have his afternoon nap and be bathed and in bed by 8pm they can jist stuff the hale thing".

Andy's Dad, Wee Willie Murray was not available for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more