Dead pop singer Michael Jackson has been called many things down through the years: paedophile, bastard, cock sucker, dickhead and so on and so on. But never until now has he been referred to as "Big Hairy Arse face".
But this is not a childish insult as Jackson actually did have a face like an arse. The troubled star's desire for ever more extreme plastic surgery meant that he had his entire arse transplanted to recreate the face of his dreams.
"People have often said that they thought Michael's beard looked like bum-fluff. Little did they realise that it actually was bum-fluff", said Dr. Leo Rubenstein of UCLA hospital, where the King of Pop was rushed to before being officially pronounced dead.
"Michael's mouth from which he sang such sweet melodies was actually the crack of his arse", added the doctor.