Madoff sentence more than double life expectancy

Funny story written by Jimarillo

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Yesterday saw the case close on multi billion dollar fraudster Bernie Madoff. The Manhattan federal court awarded Mr Madoff 150 years imprisonment for ripping people off and living a luxurious lifestyle for over ten years.

During this time Mr Madoff run what is known as a ponzi scheme (not top be mixed up with a Fonzi Scheme because that is cool, eyyy) whereby new money is taken from investors to pay old investors and never paid out of the profits. When the bubble burst in the stock markets, everything was far from cool and Mr Madoff had to come clean. This understandingly upset rather a lot of people but they should now be pleased with the verdict that he will be behind bars for one hundred and fifty years, sure never to commit a crime ever again.

Who is the con artist here? The court process has cost lots and the sale of Mr Madoffs estate is no where near what he owes. In the US the average life expecancy of a human male is 75.2 so we are keeping the streets clean of Madoff for 4 and a half years.

Why was he not ordered to use his obvious cunning to regain the lost money? He could be sent around neighbourhoods with a bucket and sponge to wash people's cars, clean windows, dig flower beds, paint fences, clean streets or even clear motes. Maybe if Mr Madoff had tried a few escapes he could have won the hearts of the world akin to Frank Abagnale Jr and he himself could become a serious contender for the FBI Securities Fraud dept.

Alas no, more blood must be spilt. All that remains then is the enjoyment of his remaining four and half years courtesy of the US tax payer, the cunning devil.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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