There were 269 spoof news stories published in March 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Osama Bin Laden to Endorse George W. Bush in 2004 Election
In a shocking new videotape obtained by Al Jazeera television, Osama Bin Laden announced that he would be endorsing George W. Bush for the 2004 elections, and would be doing all he could to get Bush re-elected. Bin Laden announced his plans to perso...
Read full storyPolitical Correctness - can it really be applied to Ginger people?
Midgets. Dwarves. Shortarses. Umpa-Lumpas. These types of terms are not politically correct. Munchkins - there, another one. Vertically challenged people recently won a ruling to have themselves referred to as 'little people' and its wrong to...
Read full storyWal-Mart Announces Plans to "Rollback" Wages, Employment Practices
Wal-Mart, Inc., the world's largest retailer, has announced plans to expand its wildly successful "Rollback" program to its wages and employment practices, according to a company spokesperson. "The concept of the rollback is extremely simple," compa...
Read full storyGoldilocks Sues Three Bears
The Forest- Speaking up for herself after years of silence, Goldilocks confirmed her intent to "sue the pants off" the three bears. "I've undergone years of therapy," said the golden-locked beauty, "I'm sure you can imagine, post-traumatic st...
Read full storyGeorge Bush violated by Elmo during forthcoming election speech
The world thought of Elmo as a cuddly little puppet beloved by children everywhere but that all changed today when Elmo crept up behind George W. Bush after administering enormous amouts of viagra to himself and beg...
Read full storyAsteroid plummets toward Britney Spears concert -- NASA launches rocket in attempt to speed it up
Astronomers who spotted a near-earth object approximately 220,000 miles from our planet have calculated the speed and trajectory of the object in relation to orbit speed. They have concluded that the large asteroid will impact directly on the San Die...
Read full storyHockey Hit-Man Bertuzzi Makes Many Apologies, Says He Didn't Mean It
TORONTO, Canada (FP) -- Todd Bertuzzi, an All-Star NHL forward, publically apologized to Colorado's Steve Moore, the man whose neck he broke with one damaging punch.
Read full storyBest Dressed at the 2004 Oscars
Hollywood, CA In respect to the Super Tuesday yesterday, fashionistas waited to give their final review of Oscar's best and worst dressed.
Read full storyOscar Wrap-Up
Hollywood, CA The 76th Annual Academy Awards were last night. Charlize Theron won for Best Actress proving that Oscar believes that when a pret...
Read full storyOops! Britney Gets Married Again...to William Hung!
Britney Spears has decided that her first wedding wasn't shocking enough so she got married in a quickie Vegas ceremony again.
Read full storyKerry Selects Pee Wee Herman as Running Mate!
Los Angeles, CA. - John Kerry has announced his running mate for the 2004 election - Pee Wee Herman.
Read full storyJilted Ken tells of "living hell with Barbie"
IT WAS with tears in his synthetic eyes that plastic American icon Ken opened his heart to The Spoof this week, as the recently dumped male doll revealed the "raging drug fueled attacks" he regularly suffered at the hands of his form...
Read full storyNames of Space Rovers
Although everybody (at NASA, at least) only cares about what Space Rovers bring back from Mars or any other planet it might land on (Note to those people working at NASA - if you programme a Rover to land on Mars and it comes back wearing a colourful shirt covered in palm trees, wearing sunglasses, and also bearing photos from Pluto...then that's interesting), there's other things.
Read full storyDonald Trump Takes Over Vatican: Tells Pope "You're Fired!"
Vatican City, Vatican -- The Catholic Church, due to failing membership amongst its disgruntled flock, has been taken over by New York based de...
Read full storyMini Eggs in Controversy Storm
A small group of activists is currently lobbying to lift the ban on the year long sale of Cadbury's Mini-Eggs.
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Randy Jackson Writes New Book
Randy Jackson has written a new book. "Well, dawg, it's more like a Randy to English dictionary for those peeps that aren't diggin' on my lingo, peace." He announced to a group at a book-signing somewhere.
Read full storyBritney and Christina At It Again
Will the cat fights ever stop? The world's two biggest pop-tarts, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, have fought over record sales, number #1 songs, and so much more, or less, in the case of former Mouseketeer turned N'Sync turned solo st...
Read full storyBush Twins to Pose for FHM
Barbara and Jenna Bush, the only sisters who party harder than the Hiltons, have decided to cash in on their fame and pose together for the men's mag, FHM.
Read full storyGiant Mogwais and Gremlins take Tokyo by storm---Godzilla sent packing!
Gremlins and Mogwais, the strange but adorable movie animations were proved a reality in Tokyo on Sunday 14th March 2004 when a Gremlin and a Mogwai, each approximately 100ft tall, entered the city from the direction of Mt. Fuji. We have reason to b...
Read full storyTodd Bertuzzi Joins Cast of The Sopranos
NEWARK, N.J. - Vancouver Canucks hockey player (and "goon") Todd Bertuzzi, having been suspended from the National Hockey League has been given a new op-po-toonity. He's going to play a hit man on the popular HBO series The Sopranos. "Uh, deh wa...
Read full storySource Reveals Girl Scout Cookies Actually Made From Girl Scouts
Richmond, VA ABC Bakers, a subsidiary of Richmond, VA based Interbake Foods, Inc., is coming under fire today, after an inside source revealed...
Read full storyReport: 65% of NBA Players Pass Gas During Games
San Diego - The University of California San Diego Scripps Research Center released a report today which states that 65% of NBA players pass gas during games. "Over the course of the past two years we conducted a study that included the viewing of t...
Read full storyClinton-Bin Laden Wedding Jubilee: Britney Spears, Janet Jackson's Nipple No-Shows
Orlando, FL- Two cultures blended beautifully today in a touching ceremony joining Osama Bin Laden and Chelsea Clinton in holy matrimony. The extravaganza, broadcast live worldwide over NBC, BBC, and Al Jazeera, attracted such notable guests as Pr...
Read full storyKlan announces new Hispanic membership
Hope, Arkansas Today the Klu Klux Klan announced that they will be seeking membership from Hispanics, Asians and Indian Americans. Gra...
Read full storyWorst Dressed at 2004 Oscars
Hollywood, CA Thanks to all the responses of our best dressed poll, Jean Valjean Luc Picard, the creator of Les Miserables Enterprise Wear
Read full storyBobby Brown & Whitney Houston; Courtney Love Honored With Lifetime Achievement Awards
Green Bay, WI The National Railroad Museum in Green Bay Wisconsin may seem like a strange venue to be handing out awards to celebrities, howeve...
Read full storyLip Shaped Urinals have new buyer.
NEW YORK, New York - Virgin Atlanitc Airlines remained coy about the rumors, but insiders insist that the red-lipsticked, mouth shaped urinals that Virgin had orignally planned to install in their lounge at New York's JFK Airport have a new buyer...
Read full storyHubble Telescope Confirms Origin of Universe
Cape Canaveral, Florida- NASA scientists are elated with the newest findings from the Hubble telescope. The powerful telescope recently sent back images so far away, and so old, that they are believed to be pictures of the very beginning of t...
Read full storyThe Passion of the Buddha by Keanu Reeves
Hollywood- Keanu Reeves is set to make his own film as the director and star of "The Passion of The Buddha," a story depicting the "ecstactic passion" and "sexual energy" of Buddha's life before reaching "Nirva...
Read full storyOsama, Van Halen to Tour Again
Los Angeles- American Supergroup Van Halen has announced plans to tour North America and the Middle East after a long hibernation since 1998. The question that has been bugging everyone as to who their new lead singer shall be has been answered: O...
Read full storyMan Actually Buys and Uses Bowling Alley Condom
In a rare event, 27-year-old Glen Harrison actually purchased a condom from the machine in a bowling alley restroom on Friday night.
Read full storyCycling Federations to Ban Soda
PARIS, France - Following reports that Italian Cycling great Marco Pantani died as a direct result of a coke overdose, both the United States Cycling Federation and the Amaury Sport Organization have moved to ban all soda beverages from the team tabl...
Read full storyBush Confuses Durex With Semtex
Western security forces were put on a high state of alert following a terrorist atrocity at the world's largest condom factory.
Read full storyWhat Ketchup Does John Kerry Use?
As some of you may be aware, Senator John Kerry is married to a member of the Heinz ketchup family, Teresa Heinz. The couple maintains that it is a match made of love and mutual respect. They also say they have nothing to do with the ketchup company.
Read full storyKentucky Wins NCAA Tournament
Lexington, KY- In what is being called the "shortest March Madness ever," the top-seeded University of Kentucky wildcats have been awarded the NCAA mens basketball trophy, without playing a single tournament game.
Read full storyPhil Donahue replaces Rumsfeld - Announces new "flower power" initiative for U.S. military
In what some are calling a drastic move to appease the left going into this election season, President Bush has fired Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense and replaced him with former talk show host and liberal activist Phil Donahue.
Read full storyRapper 50 Cent To Change Name
50 Cent, the controversial rapper, has decided it was time to upgrade his name. "Yo, wif' inflation, my peeps decided I should change my name to A Buck-fifty, yo." He announced today from the balcony of his new presidential palace in Ha...
Read full storyBritney Spears Married Again: "I'm a Slave 4U, Christina"
Las Vegas, Nevada- In an attempt to recover from stagnant record sales, Britney Spears once again got drunk and married in Las Vegas. This time her victim, er spouse, is none other than dueling pop diva Christina Aguilera.
Read full storyCourtney Love Wins Humanitarian Award
Courtney Love, the often-controversial rocker, has finally been recognized for other achievements.
Read full storyGetting Pregnant Results From Sexual Intercourse
Yup. What you learned in sixth grade sex education is true. Sexual intercourse causes pregnancy in 89% of all cases worldwide. Using a turkey baster or enema along with more scientific forms of insemination and virgin births account for the rest of p...
Read full storyControversy Erupts Over New Movie
Hollywood, CA Not since Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" opened last month has the world argued so vociferously about how...
Read full storyNASA Press Briefing: "We're All Screwed!"
In a stunning press conference held today, NASA had promised to make a "significant" announcement regarding findings from it's Spirit and Opportunity Mars landers, and for once, NASA did not disappoint. Details surrounding the announcement had been...
Read full story9-11 - The Musical!
Preparations are in motion for a musical that will be based on the events of 9-11. The musical, which will star all of the original political figures including Bush, Rumsfeld and Powell, paints the events as a tragedy, but a tragedy that leads to he...
Read full storyMalfoy's Heart Grown Fond Of Horror Brown
It has been brought to the attention of many in the last week, and it's somewhat shocking. Potter bad-boy Tom Felton has fallen deeply in love with the girl rumoured to portray Lavender Brown. Her name is known among the crowds of freaks and strr...
Read full storyTeenager Claims He Bought Porno Mag For The Articles
AUSTIN, TEXAS - A 13-year-old boy, caught in possession of last month's issue of Playboy Magazine, was grounded yesterday for three weeks by his mother, Megan Williams.
Read full storyMike Tyson Runs for South Korean Presidency
SOUL, South Korea - Former heavyweight champion boxer Mike Tyson is running for the Presidency of South Korea. He's meaner than anyone in their National Assembly and he's ready to fight.
Read full storyDeadly New Breed Of Spiders Stow Away in Ship
All over the United Kingdom, panic has been caused, as scientists have announced that fifty thousand deadly Pink Widows, a lethally poisonous new breed of spider, have stowed away on a cargo ship and are heading for the UK.
Read full storySaturn Actually Made of Booze
Cape Canaveral, FL., U.S.A. - Scientists from N.A.S.A. made an unexpected discovery today when a unmanned space probe retrieved evidence that the planet Saturn may actually be an alcoholic's paradise.
Read full storyHobbits Invade the Oscars: Will the Lord of the Rings Travesty Ever End?
Last night's Academy Awards saw Peter Jackson and his Lord of the Rings Trilogy astoundingly rewarded.
Read full storyCourtney Love Left Wondering
NEW YORK, New York - After waking up in a strange hotel room, Rocker and notorious "bad girl" Courtney Love phoned David Letterman asking if she'd actually made her appearance on his show, and if she'd done anything "stupid&quo...
Read full storyMcDonald's fast food chain faces new competition
The 'McDonald's' fast food chain now faces being unable to keep up with competition, as the new 'McHenry's' chain opens.
Read full storyBin-Laden Found in Blockbuster Movie Trilogy
The world was literally sitting on the edge of its seat yesterday as American government officials announced at the Pentagon that they had pinpointed the exact location of the world's most notorious terrorist, Osama bin-Laden.
Read full storyPope declares Kerry ‘Second Coming'
Vatican, Friday - In a shock announcement made at an impromptu Press Conference this morning the Supreme Pontiff has declared that John Kerry is "Christ reincarnated".
Read full storyCruise & Cruz Split - Cruise on cruise
Hollywood couple Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz have split up it is reported. Their three year relationship is said to have finished at the end of January and is believed to have been amicable.
Read full storyBritney's Arden Cosmetics for Clowns Only
New York , N.Y. - Britney Spears' launch of her own cosmetics line through Elizabeth Arden will be limited to make-up for clowns.
Read full storyRon Wood Back to the Bottle; Keith Richards Furious
Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood has reportedly been back to his drinking habit after staying sober for the past two years. Everyone in the Rolling Stones organization, including lead singer Mick Jagger, is said to be so worried about this---wit...
Read full storyMax Clifford: An Apology
Thespoof, together with other major national daily newspapers in the UK, apologises unreservedly to PR guru Max Clifford, together with all of his clients, for failing to produce coverage of any of his clients yesterday.
Read full storyBen Affleck Begins Dating Again
It's official. The "Ben" part of the entity formerly known as "Bennifer" has moved on with his life.
Read full storyHair today ......gone tomorrow
Doctors at an unnamed Sydney Hospital ,today announced an amazing new breakthrough in the treatment of alopecia,(hair loss). After many years of failures Dr Frank Urball admitted to some outstanding successes. Speaking at a press conference at...
Read full storyBush "troubled" by activist Founding Fathers
WASHINGTON -- President Bush said Wednesday he was "troubled" by assertions of so-called "Constitutional" rights and the right to "pursue happiness", referring to legal decisions in Massachusetts and the Ninth Circuit an...
Read full storyBush IQ Lower Than Toddler's
Washington, DC- When President George Bush lost a friendly bet with a friend last week, he didn't expect to enter into an IQ test competition with the friend's 2 1/2 year old daughter. Most of his aides didn't expect him to lose.
Read full storyMaury Povich Show Makeover Success for Jackson
After more then 2,000 purported plastic surgeries Michael Jackson has achieved the results he has strived to obtain for nearly two decades. Appearing on the Maury Povich All Star Celebrity Make Over Special, Jackson returned in 6 weeks looking...
Read full storySuperman Calls It Quits At 89
Superman has finally called it quits. The 89 year-old superhero has been suiting up in spandex for as long as he can remember and is ready to retire. He made the decision based on the fact that "the world is so corrupted there's not a darn t...
Read full storyKerry Shows Bush A Fine Pair Of Tits
Senator John Kerry's amazing hairstyle overshadowed his recent Democratic Party Presidential nomination, when a pair of tits were found in his magnificent mane.
Read full storyWhatever Happened To Justin Guarini?
I can't believe that the press is so horrible to the runner-up of American Idol. Justin Guarini's talent and curls were ignored by the beast that is the music industry. How can we ignore the brilliance of his acting debut in From Justin To Kelly? It's tragic. Justin, you have fans. You have to make a record. Okay, another record. This time use songs that people want to h...
Read full storyFinally a Cure for Baldness - Elective Decapitation
Los Angeles, CA - Scientists at U.C.L.A. have just announced a revolutionary approach to treating baldness - called Elective Decapitation.
Read full storyNew Extrreme Sport from Down Under
AUSTRALIA - A new extreme sport is gaining popularity 'down under'. Based on the medieval sport of knights,'Jousting'...
Read full storyScientists discover galaxy far, far away
Astronomers using the Hubble Space Telescope (HST) which unveiled the deepest look into the universe yet, last week, have made another breakthrough.
Read full storyReality TV Show for Space Rovers to be Filmed on Mars
BBC TV have announced that they will be launching a new reality TV programme called 'I'm a Space Rover, Get Me Off This Planet', to be shown on the BBC's all new Reality TV Channel.
Read full storyDARPA Announces "Specially Challenged Robot" Event
Arlington, VA - With the failture of any of the Robots designed for the DARPA Challenge to actual complete the course, the military think tank has decided to try another competition for the "Specially Challenged Robot".
Read full storyStephen Hawking To Be Launched Into Space
NASA announced today that they would be sending Stephen Hawking into space to serve as Earth's ambassador to the Interstellar Federation of Alien Races Tribunal (IFART). This organization, comprised of over 500 different intelligent species from 134 different galaxies, is responsible for 95% of all alien visits to the planet Earth. "Of course we can't control all traffic to th...
Read full storyBush Administration Strikes Deal to Change Name of Convenience Store Chain
Washington, D.C. - The Bush Administration announced today that they have struck a deal with 7-Eleven Inc., the owner of the popular 7-11 convenience store chain to change the name of all stores to 9-11, effective immediately.
Read full storyFace the Spoof: Dan Rather
I caught up to CBS anchorman Dan Rather outside his studio in New York. Wearing a dark grey suit and tie, he looked every inch the respected journalist he is.
Read full storySurprise Swedish Find: Smoking Cure for Alzheimer's
Stockholm, Sweden-The latest news from the Swedish Institute of Health reveals a surprising new find in geriatrics. Smokers are 86% less likely to suffer from Alzheimer's than non-smokers are. "This is very surprising," said Swedish researcher, Dr...
Read full storyOscar the Grouch's Secret Shame
Oscar the Grouch has decided to tell the world just what makes him so grouchy. "When I was a little grouch, I was an altar boy and a priest...I can't go on. It hurts too much." He wept to an audience filled with Garbage Collectors at th...
Read full storyCanada Joins E.U.
Toronto, Canada- Baffling geographers around the globe, Canada officially became a member of the European Union this morning.
Read full storyGeorge Bush: not funny anymore.
In the early days of his term George Bush 2 was seen as a gift to all satirists the world over. He beat off stiff competition from such favourites as Ronald "thick as shit" Regan, George "Shrub" Bush 1 and Bill "Shag monster" Clinton to win the award...
Read full storyWhite House Reveals Program To Wipe Out HIV-AIDS
Washington DC: The Bush Administration announced today that it intends to "Wipe Out HIV-AIDS" (WOHA) by November 2004.
Read full storyNew Olympic Sport Ready for Summer 2008
Verona, Italy -- The newest Olympic sport has been announced today. Bocce ball. Yes, the Italian equivalent of lawn bowling, is coming to the...
Read full storyHoward Dean To Star As Hellboy
After dropping out of the race for president last month, former Vermont governor Howard Dean is once again in the news-this time campaigning for his new film, Hellboy.
Read full storyRobots to be the Future of Boxing
Following news that many health services had quit helping out boxing teams because of extreme overuse of some of their best agents...er, doctors, sorry, news is in that robots will be replacing human boxers in a move that could potentially spark cont...
Read full storyCourtney Love Fires Herself in Courtroom Drama
Beverly Hills, CA - Singer and actress (?!) Courtney Love, who recently completed an on-line law degree, decided to represent herself in court this week and promptly fired herself.
Read full storyKARL ROVER the next generation
Just in time for the final showdown in November NASA has newly equipped their Karl Rover Election Assistance Vehicle to win the war on the American votes. Some of its most effective features are:...
Read full story"Eat my socks... wait. Eat my depleted uranium" - Bush
It became evident that the United States of America was very serious about its attempts to take over Canada and, presumably, the rest of the world. When the French Prime Minister authorized the launch of twenty-six nuclear warheads against the United...
Read full storyBird Holds Man's Eyeball Hostage
FORT MYERS, Florida (FP) -- A pet parrot has stolen its owners fake eye and is holding it hostage. The bird, whose name is Colonel Bubby, is a Military Macaw (ara militaris) who is demanding changes in living conditions and claims that the prosthetic...
Read full storyRumsfeld: ‘Operation Spanish Freedom under way'
Minutes after the announcement of Jose Aznar's massive defeat in Spanish National elections, Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld urged the free world to intervene and restore law and order in the Iberian peninsula: "Socialist Jose Zapatero, the se...
Read full storySwan turns the tables on Bjork
In a follow-up to Bjork's controversial appearance at the 2002 Oscars in a swan dress, that sparked both applause and condemnation from Critcs, the Swan at the center of the event has decided to wear a Bjork dress at the Opening Gala dinner of th...
Read full storyGod To Smite Gibson
The recent controversy over Mel Gibson flick "The Passion of the Christ" has reached new heights as long time movie critic God steps in to the forum.
Read full storyUgly Man Wins Award
THE UGLIEST MAN in Britian was acknowledged this week at the Royal Ugliness Association HQ, just outside Garpbury, Esswex.
Read full storyChurch's Monopoly on Christ expires, Theaters cash in on Christ
New York, New York- Simultaneously numerous movie theater complexes across the United States and the world played host to the Mel Gibson produced flick, the Passion of Christ. Tickets were sold out months in advance for the opening night Wednesday a...
Read full storyNo need to Spoof: Kevin Costner says people shouldn't attack Mel Gibson
NEW YORK -- Kevin Costner said people "shouldn't be attacking" Mel Gibson for "The Passion of the Christ," in an interview on the syndicated entertainment TV show "Access Hollywood."...
Read full storyEx-Aide Arrested for Plotting Peace
A former Democratic Congressional aide has been charged with attempting to make peace with Iraq before the war. Susan Lindauer, ex aide to Senator and Democratic Presidential hopeful Carol Mosley-Braun, has been arrested and charged with working with...
Read full storyBush: Fascism is good for Democracy
In a shock statement from the Whitehouse today, President Bush has called for an end to the universal right to vote.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Obscene Gesture Controversy
It seems that American Idol has come up against those crazy censors. One of the contestants licked her lips the other night and about 1,000,032 people text messaged the FCC.
Read full storyPETA Takes a Bite out of Roadkill
Los Angeles, CA-As People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) begins its annual spring fundraising drive, it has released a new series of billboards across the nation's highways. The newest ad campaign features photographs of pancaked raccoo...
Read full storyBucking the Trend, Burger King Introduces "Fat-Ass" Sizing
After this week's stunning announcement by McDonald's that it would be eliminating the "Super-Size" option from it's menus, analysts wondered if other major fast food chains would follow their lead as they have done in the past.
Read full story