Robots to be the Future of Boxing

Funny story written by CWMIV

Saturday, 13 March 2004

image for Robots to be the Future of Boxing
One of the many new boxing robots

Following news that many health services had quit helping out boxing teams because of extreme overuse of some of their best, doctors, sorry, news is in that robots will be replacing human boxers in a move that could potentially spark controversy and phase human contact out of the game altogether.

"They're programmed to fight each other, and take 'damage' whenever the opponent hits them on certain parts of the body where you'd expect real humans to take damage if you hit them there," said the manager of local boxing club Knock 'Em Dead, one of the ten richest boxing club managers in the world - The Spoof was glad to have him ready for comment.

"And the best part of all is, even though they can get knocked out, they're always back in action after an oil change!"

Several boxing clubs continue to use human boxers for their fights, but this club manager is confident that'll all change pretty soon.

"Yes, we expect to have the sport of boxing purely involve robots by 4017, making boxing merely a spectator sport for humans, which is good because we don't want them denting our precious robots...or hurting themselves when they dent the precious robots, I suppose," the club manager finished.

However, the club's co-manager told a different story when we interviewed him in the club robot storage holder, or their robot garage.

"I have to build all these robots, and sometimes the winners continue to attack their defeated opponents after they've won, which makes for hours of repair work," he said.

"What is more, we're fast losing customers because the robots boxing is so run-of-the-mill, it's just the same thing every single match - punch one, punch two, maybe a punch three, oh look it's over. Like those old sock-'em...block-'em robots, whatever you call them. And of course, since my salary comes out of the money people pay to see the matches, I get less money to feed my family."

His closing comment was, "I hope humans win back the sport of boxing soon,"

Will the World Boxing Championship League's 4020 final match, "Robot 76-A vs. Robot 21-B: The Match Where The Robots Punch Each Other" be as exciting as "Meyer vs. Hague: The Grudge To End All Grudges"? Only time will tell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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