PETA Takes a Bite out of Roadkill

Funny story written by Leanna Lawrence McCormick

Tuesday, 9 March 2004

image for PETA Takes a Bite out of Roadkill
"This is someone's mother, or father, or kid, or foot. Ok, we don't know what it is, but it has feelings too!"

Los Angeles, CA-As People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) begins its annual spring fundraising drive, it has released a new series of billboards across the nation's highways. The newest ad campaign features photographs of pancaked raccoons, possums, and deer with the caption "Roadkill are People Too."

PETA spokesman Corey Feldman says, "Our goal is to elevate awareness of the plight of our innocent fellow creatures. We have no idea how many of our furry and feathered friends lose their lives to vehicles on the road, but we're pretty sure it's a lot. Ouch! Excuse me, these new Italian leather boots are a real bitch to break in. Hehe."

The billboards are the first phase of PETA's Roadkill Campaign, soon to be followed by television and radio public service announcements. The television ads show nearly dead animals crawling off the road trying to make it back to their families. They then show clips of orphaned baby animals suffering after the loss of a parent. Most of these ads will air during children's programming since "kids are more open to our ideas."

The third and final phase of the campaign, scheduled to begin in August, involves a massive movement to have "vehicular killing of animals" classified as manslaughter and punishable by up to 5 years in prison, per offense. PETA is pushing to have all mammals, birds, reptiles and amphibians protected under the new law, but "not bugs because we don't want people to think we're nuts."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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