Bush "troubled" by activist Founding Fathers

Funny story written by The WB

Wednesday, 24 March 2004

WASHINGTON -- President Bush said Wednesday he was "troubled" by assertions of so-called "Constitutional" rights and the right to "pursue happiness", referring to legal decisions in Massachusetts and the Ninth Circuit and anti-censorship proclamations in various cities that could clear the way for happiness-pursuing. But he declined to say whether he is any closer to backing a Constitutional ban on the Constitution, whose authors he considers activists.

Referring to the rush of gay marriages in California and New York and the recent revival of anti-war protests, Bush said "I have watched carefully what's happening, despite that my annoyance with people who doubt my many contradictory motives for invading Iraq, and despite that gay people give me the willies, as they should to any red-blooded American man," Bush said. "I will continue to follow certain double-standards for the sake of exporting democracy and rooting out corruption in foreign lands, and I have consistently stated that I'll support law to protect marriage between a man and a woman. Obviously arch-Conservative personal tastes must prevail if we are to prevent people from following their opinions, personal pleasures, and harmless biological destinies."

"I am watching very carefully," he suspiciously reiterated, "but I'm troubled. Especially about the man-loving-another-man part."

"I strongly believe marriage should be defined as between a man and a woman, and that young children should be under the impression that our government mandates that they speak out loud every morning that our country is under God," he continued. "I am troubled by activist Founding Fathers who have established that the government should not endorse establishments of religion or supress free expression of opinions I don't agree with, and also by the activist Judiciary Branch that takes it upon themselves to support this Constitution. They sure made it hard to amend, that's for sure. It's almost like the authors didn't want people messing with it on a whim."

"People need to be involved in this decision," Bush said. "Federal common law ought to be interpreted and established by the people, not by educated justices with no political motivations whose job it apparently has been for 217 years. When was someone going to tell me this?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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