Bucking the Trend, Burger King Introduces "Fat-Ass" Sizing

Funny story written by dalepetrie

Friday, 5 March 2004

image for Bucking the Trend, Burger King Introduces "Fat-Ass" Sizing
Get Your Burger's Worth

After this week's stunning announcement by McDonald's that it would be eliminating the "Super-Size" option from it's menus, analysts wondered if other major fast food chains would follow their lead as they have done in the past. McDonald's was the first fast food chain to introduce the concept of adding a few cents to one's meal price to get a larger fries and drink, and it seemed that within weeks, all the major food chains had "up-sizing", "biggie-sizing", "mega-sizing", or some similar concept on their menus. It was widely expected that all the other fast food chains would soon follow suit and elminate their so-called meal upgrade options.

So, it came as a great shock to the industry when Burger King, a company which already trumpets the fact that their burger patties are 75% larger than McDonalds', announced today that it was bucking the trend in an effort to woo the fattest customers of McDonald's who will no doubt be alienated by this marketing ploy, by introducing their new "fat-ass" size. Burger King has always offered an upsize option for it's combos, but now it is going one better with the "fat-ass" size. For an additional 49 cents, Burger King will throw an extra burger patty on your sandwich, provide you with a 1 gallon bucket of fries, and will tap a drinking straw directly into the soda fountain line of your favorite flavor. In addition, for another 49 cent upcharge, customers can "Cheezy-size" their fat ass meals, by having their entire order drenched in a liquid cheese-like substance. Burger King says that it intends to reinvest a portion of the added revenue to widen the doors and booths in its restaurants worldwide.

Not to be outdone, Jack In the Box has announced a new program targeted at people so fat they can't leave their homes. The concept is that they'd back a dumptruck full of burgers and a tanker truck full of soda to your house once a day, install a dump hole in your roof, and shower you with artery clogging goodies.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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