There were 868 spoof news stories published in March 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The Reason Why NASCAR'S Danica Patrick Was Embarrassed About Her Upskirt Photo
HOLLYWOOD - Danica Patrick flew into Los Angeles' LAX Airport to make an appearance on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show. As she was getting out of the Limo to go into the television studio a gust of wind suddenly hit causing her skirt to fly up exposi...
Read full storyDeaf couple who found shocking note on lost luggage miss apology phone call
A deaf Houston couple who demanded an apology from American Airlines after discovering an insensitive note attached to their lost luggage say they still have not received any apology, despite the airlines claim they have called the couple over 30 ti...
Read full storyAs Russia And Ukraine Head Towards War English Troops Massing At Scottish Border
The UN has announced that it is concerned with reports claiming English troops are massing at the Scottish border, drawing parallels between Russia and Ukraine. Sunday's referendum held in Ukraine's Crimea region, which resulted in Crimea becoming...
Read full storyRussia's Preparations For War Leaked
The CIA has announced that it has obtained a list, containing detailed plans regarding Russia's preparations to invade Ukraine, and then initiate a war with the United States. The list includes: 1. Infiltrating online Russian bride dating sites with burly KGB officers dressed in bikinis and wearing wigs. 2. Propaganda team Photoshopping an image of Vladimir Putin knocking out Barack Obama...
Read full storyMichelle Obama To Appear In Parks And Recreation As Celebrity Obsessed Star Struck Ex- Wife Of US President
US First Lady Michelle Obama is set to appear in the television comedy Parks and Recreation. She is set to play a self promoting, celebrity obsessed and star struck, ex wife of the US President; her character, 'Michelle', will have some side split...
Read full storyBook Review - The Pat Conroy Cookbook by Pat Conroy and Suzanne Williamson Pollak
I have to say the title of this book is very misleading. I had hoped that this cookbook would explain to me, in detail, the various ways one could cook the author Pat Conroy, whom I admire very much. I was hoping there would be recipes, should you be able to convince above mentioned author (Pat Conroy - mentioned again here), to allow you to cook him. Sadly, tonight at least, there will...
Read full storyGary Busey Says That CNN Wanted Him To Take Over Piers Morgan's Time Slot
HOLLYWOOD - Gary Busey the host of The Gorgeous Gary Busey Talk Show recently told Margarita Mixx with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that CNN asked him to take over for Piers Morgan who is being let go. Busey expressed his gratitude to CNN for the...
Read full storyNew TV Show 'The Wanking Dead' To Focus On Masturbating British Zombies
AMC have announced that they intend greenlighting a new Zombie TV show, loosely based on their hit "The Walking Dead". The series will be set in England, after a Zombie Apocalypse leaves the vast majority of the British population continually mastur...
Read full storyChelsea Clinton - I Taught My Mom How To Give Head
In her first visit to South by Southwest Interactive, the tech-themed conference underway in Austin Texas, former first daughter Chelsea Clinton devoted the bulk of her prepared talk Tuesday to explaining how had to teach her mother "a lot of things"...
Read full storyA North Carolina Grandmother Gets Arrested For Sexting
GREENSBORO, North Carolina - A 73-year-old Greensboro grandmother identified as Daffodil "Daffy" Fugglefield swears that she had no idea that sexting was against the law. Granny Daffy, as her 19 grandkids call her, told arresting officers that she...
Read full storyUnited States: Men required to get Hillary Clinton haircuts
Men in the United States will be required to get the same haircut as Hillary Clinton, if she becomes President, it has been reported. The state-sanctioned guidelines will be introduced first in Washington DC, then rolled out across the country - a...
Read full storyBook Review - Orlando by Virginia Wolfe
I was SO disappointed by this book. No mention of Disney. No mention of Sea World. No mention of Wet and Wild. Not a whisper about Universal Studios. Not one hotel recommendation, map or one tip on where to eat. No clue as to where one could purchase womens clothing that could, say, possibly, fit a man. No directions to clubs and nightspots that welcomed secret transvestites. What...
Read full storyBook Review - A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
I was initially disappointed when it turned out that the Scrooge character was not actually a bad tempered duck wearing a sailor suit - but I guess that is what happens when people try and adapt Disney cartoons into novels. Having gotten over the initial disappointment that this wasn't based on the original Scrooge cartoon I thoroughly enjoyed this adaptation and wish the author continued succe...
Read full storyGilbert Gottfried Found Living In A Rundown Trailer House In Arkansas
MAGNOLIA, Arkansas - Former comedian Gilbert Gottfried has said that he never realized that he could have been so dumb, so stupid, and so utterly ignorant as to try and make a joke out of the devastating Japanese tsunami of 2010. Gottfried's joke...
Read full storyCould Kobe Bryant Be Replacing Charles Barkley At TNT Sports?
ATLANTA - There are rumblings in the front office at TNT Sports regarding Kobe Bryant. Now that Los Angeles Lakers doctors have said that Bryant is out for the rest of the season TNT is considering hiring the Lakers superstar to be a sports analys...
Read full storyObama Delays Daylight Savings Time Until 2017
Washington,D.C.-The Obama administration announced today that President Obama has signed an executive order delaying the start of Daylight Savings Time until after the elections in 2016. The move, which was widely anticipated, comes on the heels...
Read full storyFlorida Man Changes Twitter and Facebook Log In and Passwords To Protect Privacy
Florida resident, Duncan Whitehead, in direct response to a hacking threat, has today changed his log in and password details for all his online banking accounts, Twitter account and Facebook account, as well as several pornographic sites. "I will...
Read full storyThe Worm Turns on Justin Bieber
Leslie Van Fleet, whom Justin Bieber likes to call the worm because he's always digging into stuff, has admitted that he and Bieber became chums when Bieber heard him snoring in a dumpster in Los Angeles. "Yes, I'm a genuine dumpster diver but the...
Read full storySwitching to Axe Products Does Not Ensure Casual Sex
Based on the experiences reported by most of the men interviewed, using Axe brand personal products did not have the effect of them bettering their sex life. The findings are based on anecdotal information from a series of random interviews of men e...
Read full storyWalmart To Introduce A New Marketing Plan To Attract Richer Customers
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the world's largest retail and food corporation has just announced a new marketing ploy for 2014. Company spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace informed the members of the press that the company had recently hired a hi...
Read full storySarah Palin Fires Back At Cindy McCain Saying She's The Biggest 'Sissy Girl' She's Ever Seen
WASILLA, Alaska - GOPicky Magazine has reported that there is no one who loves to hear themselves talk or hog the spotlight more than Sarah "Snowflake" Palin, with the one possible exception of Donald "The Hairdo From Hell" Trump. Tabitha Tula Wis...
Read full storyPortugal and Peru Vow To Support The Ukraine If Russia Invades
KIEV, Ukraine - The Ukraine has just sent word to the governments of Portugal and Peru thanking them for their fabulous offer of support should they be invaded by Russia. A spokesperson for the Ukraine, Chertov Zappavitski, stated that at serious...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Sex Change Shocks Fans
Following the first public appearance of the pop star formerly known as Justin Bieber at a Miami Restaurant last night, the pop singers fans finally acknowledged that the Canadian born crooner's sex-change surgery was something they had been expectin...
Read full storyJoan Collins Stuns In New Bikini Reveal!
Former Dynasty superstar Joan Collins turned more than a few heads last weekend in Monaco when the forever young star showed off her new Bob Macky canary yellow bikini. The 81 year old glamour girl didn't look a day over 50 as she lounged on the b...
Read full storyHow To Spot A Transsexual
More and more men are taking female hormones, receiving breast implants, and undergoing sex-change operations to become "women." Some start these procedures while they're still teens and more than a few mimic women so well that they can use the ladies' room without raising an eyebrow among real women or can snare a man of their own. Of course, red-blooded American men want no part--especially not...
Read full storyPresident on Putin:
Following is a transcript of U.S. President Barack Obama's press conference today on the Russian occupation of Crimea and other topics. Q: Mr. President, will the United States impose additional sanctions on Russia even if Europe doesn't follow suit? President: My press secretary Jay Carney told me to say, 'I don't answer hypotheticals.' Q: What do you say to critics who say your post-Ira...
Read full storyObama's sanctions on badass Russians could see Roman Abramovich's yachts impounded
Washington, DC - The US Coast Guard Service has been issued with high tech titanium grappling hooks for boarding recalcitrant Russians' super yachts in a fiendish Obama plot to freeze the nuts off Putin's billionaire henchmen. Dozens of oligarchs...
Read full storyPaleo Diet Is OUT! New "Socio Diet" Sweeps Nation
According to the latest buzz from health clubs and fitness gurus, the formerly wildly popular Paleo Diet has been supplanted by the new Sociopath or "Socio" Diet, which skyrockets meat-centric eating to new dimensions of amorality. Sources say the Socio Diet has particularly caught fire in high-power urban centers like New York City and Washington, D.C. Want to incorporate some "Socio" into you...
Read full storyCôte de Pablo's baby could be born as early as Pancake Day
Los Angeles - Looking absolutely gorgeous in a stunning $100,000 blue Valentino gown and priceless diamond teardrop earrings a heavily pregnant Cote de Pablo arrived at the Oscars on Sunday on the arm of long term boyfriend Diego Serrano. "Is tha...
Read full storyBoyfriend's Ponytail Annoys Daughter's Father
A Florida man claims he is mildly perturbed and annoyed that his daughters new boyfriend, despite being a boy, has long hair like a girl, and sports his feminine locks in a ponytail. "Well, I just don't know, my daughter says she has a boyfriend...
Read full storyThe Hubble Space Telescope Has Spotted An Amazing Rock On The Moon
MERRITT ISLAND, Florida - The Kennedy Space Center is reporting that photos which were just taken by The Hubble Space Telescope have shown a very interesting rock formation on the moon. KSC spokesperson Virgo Coopercastle told the assembled news m...
Read full storyNASA Receives A Very Interesting Email From Kim Jong Un
HOUSTON - The spokesperson for NASA, Trent Timmelfarb has informed the news media that an email was sent to The Lyndon Johnson Space Center this morning. The email was from of all people Kim Jong Un, the leader of North Korea. It appears that Mr.
Read full storySatire Web Study A Mixed Bag
ANYWHERE-- Just yesterday, web technicians and various analysts at a reputable Think Tank published a study pertaining to the number of 'satire' websites around the internet. It's up for debate on whether the study devoted enough attention to the subject of the 'quality' of the satire found across the web. The study is not available in print, but readers of this magazine can find it at www.
Read full storyParis Hilton & Stephen Hawking Discuss The String Theory
Paris Hilton: Every time I put on one of my string bikinis and walk out on the beach, I draw a pretty good crowd so I think that the string theory is magnetic in nature. Stephen Hawking: Over the past few decades, a single explanatory framework, now called the "string theory", has emerged that may turn out to be the ultimate theory of the universe. Many physicists believe that, at the beginnin...
Read full storyWisconsin Couple Test Relationship By Watching Each Other Use Bathroom
A Wisconsin couples exercise in testing the strength of their relationship; prior to moving into together has failed, and the couple have now split up, with both parties refusing to speak to the other. In a tentative attempt to test the waters of...
Read full storyUkraine's precious Vladimir Madonna icon weeping teardrops of Black Sea Crude
Crimea - Russia's seizure of Crimean territorial waters' oil and gas deposits may be behind the sudden appearance of heavy crude tears spouting from the sacred portrait according to reports from Kiev today. The famous 12th century religious paint...
Read full storyUniverse's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.
Earlier this week, a team of physicists from Harvard (ever heard of it?) provided direct evidence of cosmic inflation. If validated, this would be the smoking gun for the Big Bang model of the creation of the universe. While the scientific world...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Twerk Wrecks Bus!
Although she is denying it, those slightly injured on a city bus are blaming Kim Kardashian taking up a guy's dare to 'twerk that baby' of destabilizing the bus and causing it to run into a post near some pedestrians. Kardashian denies all this.
Read full storyThousands of Russian Americans To Be Rounded Up And Sent To Internment Camps
37,500 innocent Russian-Americans, which U.S. authorities this week reportedly tracked down and apprehended, are now living in internment camps in Miami Beach, Florida. It is expected more are set to join them. Packing the detainees on first cl...
Read full storyBook Review - The Elton John Story by Mark Bego
The Elton John Story by Mark Bego Okay, I loved this book, I am a big fan of Elton John, fascinating and all that - but it doesn't say if he is gay in real life or just when he is on stage or recording etc. I wish I knew the answer. Idi Amin by Steve Dougherty Brilliant in The Butler, fantastic in The Crying Game, loved him in The Shield and great in Good Morning Vietnam - this man des...
Read full storyBook Review - David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
What the hell? Absolutely awful book. The main character performed NO magic, made nothing vanish and there was NO mention of his award winning and long running Las Vegas show. I feel cheated. I was expecting a nasty looking character, covered in make-up, pretending not to be gay, prancing around conjuring things. What did I get? Some whiny story about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Read full storyArms Build Up Concern
As the Russia and Ukraine edge ever closer to war, a Wisconsin mother is concerned that a buildup of arms could lead to serious consequences for her 15 year old son. Martha Compton, 36, told reporters that her son Daniel, has been working out at t...
Read full storyThe White House To Host A Huge Piñata Party For Illegal Aliens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama, Vice-President Joe Biden, and civilian advisers Oprah Winfrey and Eva Longoria have just finalized the plans for what the White House is calling The Biggest Piñata Party In The History of Piñata Parties. The pre...
Read full storyGummy Bear Sales Skyrocket Thanks To American Idol Judges Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, and Harry Connick, Jr.
LOS ANGELES - The executives at Haribo cannot believe the sudden surge in sales of Gummy Bears. The small fruit gum candy got a huge boost when American Idol judge Keith Urban gave Harry Connick, Jr. a huge blue Gummy Bear during the live results...
Read full storyWoman Stung By Bees Vows Revenge
A California woman stung more than 1,000 times by a swarm of bees is expected to be okay, but has vowed revenge on the bees that stung her. "Apparently," said a close friend of the woman "these bees swarmed towards her, and, taking advantage of he...
Read full storyBook Review - The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M Cain
A Twat wishes his postman would ring once! Many a time A Twat have missed letters and packages because he is too LAZY to ring the doorbell...and he hates A Twat's pack of rottweilers that A Twat allows to roam around in A Twat's yard. A Twat suggests that A Twat's postman read this book and consider ringing at least once in future! A Twat liked this book and A Twat has today decided to refer...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Group Wants The Amish To Stop Using The Horse and Buggy As A Means of Transportation
NORFOLK, Virginia - The animal rights group known as PETA, which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has just announced its latest statement. Executive Director Mimosa Ledbetter has sent a message to the Amish community stating...
Read full storyHillary Clinton sues over nude photo
NEW YAWK - Failed presidential candidate and controversial former secretary of state, Hillary Clinton recently had an employee of Bare It All Glamor Shots fired for having had the "temerity to photograph" her while she was naked. The employee, Joh...
Read full storyKim Jong Un joins USO tour as a standup comic
Pyongyang, North Korea - Worried that a harsh winter has devastated the morale of his armed forces, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un joined his nation's top performers on a USO tour of the country's military bases last month. Before embarki...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Fired As Spokeswoman For Hip Hip Hooray Pantiliners
LOS ANGELES - So far 2014 has not really been a very good year for Jessica Simpson. First off all the father of her two children, Eric Johnson has refused to marry her and now Jessica has just learned that she has been fired by the Hip Hip Hooray...
Read full storyArea Couple Go To Viagra Falls For Honeymoon
Retired librarian Hester Anne Pickles recently shocked the community of Saylorville by announcing that she had married 70-year-old, retired High School custodian, Lyle Smith! "I decided to lift my skirts and dance a bit for a change. I'm 61 and I'...
Read full storyUS online poker billionaire faces bankruptcy as Chevron sues in Gibraltar tax haven
New York - Rien Ne Va Plus Monsieur DeLeon is Chevron's stark message to a US online gambling tycoon who bankrolled the massive disinformation movie 'Crude' in long-running Ecuadorian pollution shakedown. Gibraltar-based Russ DeLeon and his soon...
Read full storyThe Hulk Comes Out as Gay
The Incredible Hulk abruptly came out as gay leaving a sudden, gaping hole in the GOP's anti-gay agenda. "Hulk SMASH closet!" said the huge, green monster, sporting a smug grin and semi-erection as he crashed to the ground with a "THOOMP!!" and broke…
Read full storyFox Series "Cosmos" Host Tyson Under Attack
The new Fox Cosmos series, hosted by the now-familiar-to-TV-watchers Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, has upset anti-science conservative Christians. Besides being enraged by Tyson's statement that "the theory of evolution, like the theory of gravity, is a...
Read full storyArchaeologists Discover An Upside Down Pyramid In The Sahara Desert
AWBARI, Libya - An archaeological team from Copenhagen, Denmark has made an astonishing discovery. The team led by Dr. Tobias Rasmussen said that as they were excavating in the Sahara Desert they began to unearth what turned out to be an ancient p...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Applies To Adopt 12 Years A Slave and Captain Philips Oscar Stars
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have applied to adopt several Oscar nominees after meeting them at the Oscar Ceremony on Sunday Night. Best Supporting Actress winner Lupita Nyong'o and Captain Philips Best Supporting Actor Nominee Barkhad Abdi were b...
Read full storyA Pennsylvania Meteorologist Says The Sky Could Run Out of Snow
PHILADELPHIA - A meteorologist in The City of Brotherly Love recently announced on his weather show that the city's forecast calls for "Snow, snow, and more friggin snow." The meteorologist, who goes by the name of Blizzard Bill, said that he was...
Read full storyDenver Announces Its 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest
DENVER - The director of The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition, Lucy "Sinsemilla" Coxcoogan has just informed the press about the state's 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest. Miss Coxcoogan said that the one-of-a-kind event will be held in Denver...
Read full storyMalaysia Airline Flight 370 - Are Aliens Involved? Time Travel? 9/11?
Investigators, still stumped by the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 have turned to conspiracy theorists in the hope of solving the ever increasing mystery surrounding the events of the vanishing aircraft. One theory, proposed by Alan...
Read full storyObama And Putin Now Great Friends
As it looks like there may be a diplomatic solution to Russia's incursion into the Ukraine, Presidents Obama and Putin have had long telephone conversations trying to resolve the matter. Now, it turns out, that they have become great friends. Aid...
Read full storyDonald Trump, 67, Still Not Dead
American business magnate, investor, television personality and author, Donald Trump, did not die today at the age of 67, numerous news outlets had not reported. The chairman and president of The Trump Organization and the founder of Trump Entertainm...
Read full storyKid Returns To College After Spring Break With Even More Hatred For Fellow Students
Athens, GA. Arriving back at college after a two-week spring break vacation, social studies student Mike Francis told friends that though fresh and rejuvenated from spending his vacation with his elderly mother, his hatred for his fellow students ha...
Read full storyA Park Ranger At Yellowstone National Park Discovers A Grizzly Bear That Loves To Smoke Marijuana
KEYSTONE, Wyoming - A Park ranger at the world famous Yellowstone National Park has reported that he came across an amazing scene. Park Ranger Tanner Roseheimer, 38, informed National Focus Magazine that a few days ago as he was out checking campf...
Read full storyBook Review - A Bugs Life
Please don't make the same mistake I did. I purchased this book in the belief it was an expose on the workings of electronic eavesdropping devices as planted by the NSA, CIA, FBI, IRS and KFC. I was totally wrong. About 40 pages into this book I realized that this had nothing to do with gadgets, spying or the tapping of phones. It's about a talking insect, and other talking pests an...
Read full storyBook Review - The Runaway Jury by John Grisham
Based on the movie me thinks, of the same name, starring John Cusack, Rachel Weisz and Gene Hackman, directed by Gary Fleder. This isn't the first time Grisham has stolen ideas from movies, then passed them off as 'original novels'. The Firm, The Client, A Time to Killer, all ripped from the big screen. Is it me? Has no one else noticed? I think it is now high time that Grisham focus...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Says She'll Donate The Entire Proceeds From Her Nude Calendar To The Ukrainian Government
NEW YORK CITY - Russian born Tennis legend Maria Sharapova, 26, talked with a representative of the Ukraine and commented that she wanted to do something to help the country. She informed the rep that she will be appearing in a special edition all...
Read full storyBook Review - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James
This is a book I simply could not put down, due entirely to the fact that I was involved in a rather unfortunate sexual bondage role play game involving 234 rolls of sticky tape. And a goat. However, once I managed to remove the goat from my apartment I did read the book. There are many words I could use to describe this book, fantastic, great, superb, remarkable, outstanding, stupendous...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Says That President Putin Gave Her His Personal Cell Phone Number
NEW YORK CITY - Tennis great Maria Sharapova recently told Hercules Confetti with Sporting Chance Magazine that she really enjoyed traveling to Sochi, Russia and watching the XXII Olympic games. She said that one day while sitting in the stands sh...
Read full storyBook Review - Happy Days by Samuel Beckett
Utter drivel! A complaint waste of time and money. No mention of Fonzie, No Ralph Malph, No Richie, No Arnold's and not even a whiff of Mr C or Mrs C. Sorry, and I make NO apologies,to write a book about Happy Days and not include some of the main characters is, quite frankly, idiotic. Samuel Beckett, sir, I beg you rewrite this nonsense and include the aforementioned characters. You...
Read full storyWeak End At Bernies Movies For 24 Hours
My grandfather was over spending the weekend at my college as I had an extra room and the rest of the family told me it was my time. Gramps is not a bad old guy, just a little senile but mostly lonesome as all his old friends are dead. "Grandpa, there's a 'Weekend At Bernies' marathon on this weekend. I need to go out and do some stuff, I'll get it started for you. If you get tired, turn it...
Read full storyNASA Tells Russia That If They Invade The Ukraine NASA Will Stop Supplying Them With Satellite Parts
HOUSTON - Trent Timmelfarb, NASA spokesman, told the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center news media that they have sent a warning to President Putin of Russia. Timmelfarb stated that if Putin invades the Ukraine then NASA will immediately terminate pro...
Read full storyU.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana
EL PASO - United States Border Patrol agents have reported that they've just shot down a drone that crossed over from Mexico into the United States. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol stated that the drone was truly a state of the art drone and...
Read full storyGoogle: you will soon be replaced by a robot
SILICONE VALLEY, CA - Google CEO Eric Schmidt says his company is making "progress" in its campaign to solve the unemployment crisis once and for all time by replacing human beings with robots. "By making people redundant," Schmidt said, "we no lo...
Read full storyMathematics to be abolished in an independent Scotland
Mathematics would not exist in an independent Scotland. The startling revelation was made today in a speech by First Minister Alex Salmond, where he outlined more of his plans for the country in the event of a Yes vote. The shock announcement...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich is exiled Hollywood director Roman Polanski's son
Aspen, Colorado - Workmen refurbishing Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's Dun-Frackin ski lodge in Wildcat Ridge, Aspen, have recovered hundreds of intact historical documents in a dumpster containing a ton of his shredded personal papers. Among t...
Read full storyNew York Mets down to one last fan
Flushing, New York - The New York Mets have been a disaster at the plate, an abomination on the mound and a catastrophe in the field. Yet they've always managed to attract a base of supporters. But not anymore. Tired of empty promises and finishe...
Read full storyBook Review - Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Loved this book....not much really to say about it though. Apart from this VERY funny story, revolving around an incident while on a cruise with my dad's brother, Thomas. All was fine, nothing really eventful occurring. We were enjoying the expensive drinks, the lines forming in the restaurant and the extortionate cost of anything and everything, you know, the usual cruise nightmare.
Read full storyOceanic Scientists Have Discovered That Jellyfish Can Predict Hurricanes That Have Not Even Formed Yet
MIAMI - The United States Department of Hurricanes has just informed the national news media that they have made a fabulous discovery. A team of oceanic scientists working under the leadership of Dr. Cleopatra Mangosteen [Harvard-1993] have discov...
Read full storyOn A Lighter Note: More People Are Being Cremated Today!
"Lighter note huh? You news people think the whole world is one big happy home don't you? Well, I deal day in and day out with dead people and cleaning them up, placing a cotton ball with alcohol up their wazzoo and draining them dry so what so humorous about that?" After telling Mr. Clay we only were there to ask him and his staff.. "Did you say 'Stiff'?" "No. I said staff. The people wh...
Read full storyBook Review - Peter Pan by Some Bloke Called Barry
This book "Hooked" me from page one, one of the only bright memories of a sad childhood plagued by bouts of bed wetting, temper tantrums and soiled underwear......I really wish Grandma hadn't moved in with us.... I digress. Peter pan is a kid that never grow up, a bit like Arnold from Different Strokes. However, instead of being adopted by a rich white guy, Peter Pan embarks on a horrendo...
Read full storyTonight's 'Walking Dead' To Feature Cameos From Well Known Stars
AMC's The Walking Dead is raising the bar with the episode scheduled to air Sunday March 16th. Several well known Hollywood stars and celebrities are set to make cameo appearances, a first for the hit post apocalyptic zombie ratings hit. Stars...
Read full storyNASA Says The Martian Land Rover Is Reporting A Problem With The Odometer
HOUSTON - The Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center has just received word about a malfunction with the land rover Curiosity. NASA spokesman Trent Timmelfarb told the news media that Curiosity's computer has sent back a message saying that its odometer i...
Read full storyLos Angeles Gang Members Are Fighting The Taliban In Afghanistan
LOS ANGELES - American Spotlight Magazine has just broke the story about members of an infamous Los Angeles gang fighting in Afghanistan against the Taliban. Fitzwater Ribicoff, with ASM said that he was told by a member of the El Lay Toros Bravos...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Confesses Who Her Twerking Fantasy Is
DETROIT - Miley performed at The Carburetor Coliseum in Detroit and afterwards she met with Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole at a local Le Loins of Joan of Arc French Restaurant. Miss San Guacamole asked Miley about the rumor that she had...
Read full storyDifferent Barber Cuts Man's Hair Shocker
Fort Lauderdale, Florida: In a turn of events reportedly unforeseen by a Fort Lauderdale man, the barber at 'Cut Short' hair salon who greeted him on Thursday was not the same barber who usually cuts his hair. When informed that Dave, his usual ba...
Read full storyTen Simple Ways To Lose Weight Guaranteed!
These Top Ten Ways to lose weight are easy as falling off a log. (Guess I better take that one off). 1. Always sleep on a vibrating bed. 2. Go Over A Fence that has a warning sign, "Dozen Bulls Horny Here!" 3. Crap on your food. 4. Easiest Push-Ups! (Pushing Up Daisies) 5. Snack on salted packing peanuts! 6. When introducing yourself at 'Get Acquainted Singles Meet', "Hello, my n...
Read full storyFlorida Man Confused As Why No Wikipedia Page For Him
Florida - A Fort Lauderdale man says he is confused, upset, perturbed and angry that, despite writing numerous spoof news articles over the past ten years; using various aliases and pseudonyms; that there is still no page on Wikipedia referencing...
Read full storyVice-President Joe Biden Says That The Story About Him and Porn Star Pretzel Garibaldi Is Positively False, False, False
TOPEKA, Kansas - Vice-President Joe Biden traveled to Topeka, Kansas to speak at a convention of The Retired Hay Stackers of Kansas. After talking to the estimated 217 retirees, he was asked by one of the press members about the rumor that he and...
Read full storyAnn Coulter, Republican Political Commentator Gets A GOP Themed Tattoo
VENICE BEACH, California - One of America's most infamous GOP political commentators Ann Coulter told GOPicky Magazine that she traveled to Venice Beach, California to get a Republican themed tattoo. "Trigger Face" Coulter, as Vice-President Joe B...
Read full storyProfessor Given Five Million Dollars To Study Immortality
The Massie Rockefeller Foundation has awarded a $5 million grant to Steve Martin Windgate, distinguished professor of philosophy at the University of California at Riverside in Nevada, to undertake a rigorous examination of a wide range of issues rel...
Read full storyMan Rushing To Complete Spoof News Article While Waiting For Flight Misses Boarding And Is Now Stranded In Houston, Texas
An extremely eager Spoof writer, determined to increase his points total and spew out yet another ill edited, ill thought off and frankly unfunny spoof news article missed his flight home to Fort Lauderdale after he was too busy compiling an article...
Read full storyMadonna Admits That Cellulite Gives Her Character
NEW YORK CITY - The singer who sang "Papa Don't Preach" has just admitted something that she has been denying for years. The Material Grandmother told Pia Confetti with Celebrity Globe that she can no longer deny the fact that the dreaded cottage...
Read full story31 NFL Teams Shoot Down Proposal At Owners Meeting
ORLANDO, FLORIDA-- An under-reported proposal at the 2014 annual Owners Meetings was overwhelmingly struck down, with 31 teams voting "Nay". There were zero "Yay's"; The New England Patriots abstained. Even the Denver Broncos ownership voted again...
Read full storyBighorns an endangered species, scientists say
Albuquerque, NM - New Mexico's bighorn sheep will be outfitted with chic new collars, complete with miniature radio receivers in a desperate attempt to keep the endangered animals from becoming extinct. An "army" of scientific researchers, equipped w...
Read full storyBook Review - Whose Body? by Dorothy Sayers
Whose Body? Just gave me a great idea for a reality/celebrity/quiz show! I truly believe it would be a massive hit! Every week, six celebrities are asked to pose nude with a paper bag on their heads.....and then 3 contestants have to guess who they are! The ratings would be amazing. I would suggest that Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Gervais, Kirstie Alley and Seth Rogan and J...
Read full storyBook Review - Where The Heart Is by Billie Letts
I can answer that very easily, and without writing a novel about it. The heart lies within the thorax in the body. This location is called the mediastinum. The heart is about the size of your fist and is located substernal, center thoracic, superior to the stomach with the apex on the left. If you are going to write a novel, then do some research please. Word of warning. If you are a...
Read full storyBook Review - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
One of my favorite books. Once I realized it was not a non-fiction book about a census study on a small French Island or a Sesame Street character with a fetish for numbers and in fact a tale of revenge, hidden identities and twists I was pleasantly surprised. If in fact anyone did compile a census of Monte Cristo, and did indeed count the residents of the small island, I am led to believe t...
Read full storyMissing plane never left the tarmac says LA psychic
Los Angeles, California - Aviation search parties would be better off scouring the Malaysian runway a clairvoyant Los Angeles shaman said today accusing airport authorities of using a cloak 'n' dagger cloaking device and other high tech stuff. Pom...
Read full storyBook Review - The Iliad by Homer
Another great book by Homer. The guy amazes me, he really does, sometimes you think he is a buffoon, an idiot even, and then he pulls this masterpiece out of his bag of tricks. How he gets the time to write, what with working at Mr Burn's nuclear power plant and dealing with that rascal Bart I have no idea, but there is obviously more to the yellow skinned Simpson than meets the eye. I a...
Read full storyBook Review - Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne
This book was a little too deep for my liking. As a shallow sort of guy I was a little out of my depth. As I read it my heart sank as I plunged into a depression. I do not like to whale, and I am not fishing for compliments, but this was oceans worse than my book, Seven Leagues Under the Sea. Anyway, I hope that in the years to come Miss Verne writes other books, she is a talented write...
Read full storyNazi goblet touted as $5bn Holy Grail
Leon, Spain - As far as Biblical relics are concerned a bejewelled gold chalice stashed by the Nazis at the Basilica of San Isidoro in Leon is the ultimate holy grail of Christian artefucts and worth a staggering five billion dollars. This week it...
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