Switching to Axe Products Does Not Ensure Casual Sex

Written by Catchthisdrift

Thursday, 20 March 2014


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Based on the experiences reported by most of the men interviewed, using Axe brand personal products did not have the effect of them bettering their sex life. The findings are based on anecdotal information from a series of random interviews of men exiting bars, music concerts and Walgreens.

"I haven't been laid once since I started using Axe cologne and soap," said one man leaving a bar after the 2 a.m. "last call." Many men commented on the television commercials for Axe, which showed beautiful women fawning over a man based on his use of Axe. "What a bunch of crap," said Steve (not his real name) when interviewers caught up with him as he walked to his car at a Walgreens. He had just stopped by the Redbox outside the Walgreens front door. "I just rented Expendables 2 - for the 3rd time. Axe's advertising is crap crap crap. Not one woman, not one, grabbed my ass or tried to feel me up, and believe me, I gave them every opportunity."

A spokesperson for Axe stated "None of Axe's advertising campaigns promised a man he'd experience an increase in the number of times he would experience sexual intercourse, falatio or hand-jobs from random women. Maybe he just isn't looking in the right place. Or maybe women find him repugnant. That isn't Axe's fault."

Said Steve through the open window of his car before he left the Walgreens' parking lot, "I'm going back to Suave. I can use the money I save for on-demand porn."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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