31 NFL Teams Shoot Down Proposal At Owners Meeting

Funny story written by Angelo Thomas

Thursday, 27 March 2014

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Proposed schedule would skip straight to AFC championship game

ORLANDO, FLORIDA-- An under-reported proposal at the 2014 annual Owners Meetings was overwhelmingly struck down, with 31 teams voting "Nay". There were zero "Yay's"; The New England Patriots abstained.

Even the Denver Broncos ownership voted against the proposal, which would have cancelled the entire regular season, wild card week, and divisional playoff round, in the AFC.

The AFC season would have consisted of merely 1 game-- the Conference Championship between the Denver Broncos and the New England Patriots-- at a yet-to-be-determined date.

The entire league schedule would have been reworked, so that the NFC would only play games within its own conference.

Owners of the typical cellar-dwelling teams were open to the idea, but maintained that they needed the ticket sale revenue.

Broncos owner Pat Bowlen also voted No on the measure. Pressed for an explanation, he said "Peyton Manning needs his regular season wins and stats. And John Elway wants to live vicariously through him."

Patriots owner Robert Kraft abstained, "in the spirit of Coach Belichick," he claims.

Belichick also missed the annual League Coaches Photo with an undisclosed injury.

Newly acquired cornerback Darrelle Revis could not be reached for comment, but fellow mercenary Brandon Browner joked, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind playing a regular season so he could see 2 or 3 balls thrown his way."

Browner appeared in good spirits, and ready for quarterbacks to test him. Actually, he was a little bit TOO amped-up.

There was a similar proposal that never got off the ground for a vote, which offered the same thing for the NFC, with the Seahawks and 49ers.

"The Packers still have Rodgers," said an unnamed owner.

"This is a league of parity and any team could make a playoff run. The proposal itself was insulting," said Jaguars owner Shahid Khan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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