Professor Given Five Million Dollars To Study Immortality

Funny story written by Bureau

Friday, 21 March 2014

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The Massie Rockefeller Foundation has awarded a $5 million grant to Steve Martin Windgate, distinguished professor of philosophy at the University of California at Riverside in Nevada, to undertake a rigorous examination of a wide range of issues related to immortality.

Wingate told reporters that he planned to use the millions wisely.

"Let's say that a year from now I discover immortality and there I'd be, only four million dollars left to last forever. That's going to take a lot of will power and trying to do some cutbacks."

"But you're going to use one of the five million dollars during the first year?"

"Oh my, I just hope it covers it. There is so much to do. I have read a lot but I want to get everyone's previous tries down in my head so we don't waste time going over the same baloney...uh, study."

"You were reported being seen with a young lady the other night at a famous restaurant?"

"Yes, yes. We are getting married. I'll need help with this and the fact that I'm nearing sixty while she's 21, can only help if it takes a while to discover this great..uh...discovery."

"Well, time is money as they say. Tell Candy that I'm ready if she is. We'll check back with you in another month but right now we're off to Paris to see the letters of Lupin and his theory of snails and radishes involved in immortality."

See you gentlemen later."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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