There were 760 spoof news stories published in March 2012. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Some Newly Approved State License Plate Slogans
The United States Commission on State License Plate Slogan Approval has just granted ten states permission to change their vehicular license plate slogans for 2013. The executive director of TUSCOSLPSA Winnie Leona "Tags" Tagliobissi stated that they had to reject the slogans of two states and ask that they submit a secondary entry. The commission rejected Arizona's slogan "The Non-Hola Stat...Read full story
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Star In The Movie Musical "The Etch A Sketch Chronicles"
LOS ANGELES - It has just been announced to the Hollywood entertainment media that Sky Castle Pictures in association with Lions Face Films will soon begin production on the Durango Grundyweather musical The Etch A Sketch Chronicles. Mr. Grundywea...Read full story
Blue-Haired Katy Perry Is Dating Cher's Son Elijah Blue Allman
MARINA DEL REY - Music icon Cher who is 65, recently attended a benefit dinner in Marina Del Rey in honor of rock legend Bob Dylan who is 70. Cher spoke about the great times they had back in the 60s with the likes of The Byrds, Paul Revere &...Read full story
Taylor Lautner and Demi Lovato Caught In An Erotic Embrace At The Encino Reservoir
ENCINO, California - Twilight Saga series star Taylor Lautner and singing sensation Demi Lovato have both denied the rumors that they have been dating for the past week. But the two were spotted parked in Lautner's late model Cadillac Escalade SUV...Read full story
Lady Gaga's New Easter Outfit Provides a Peeps Show
Make no mistake. It's not a "peep" show. Take your mind out of the gutter and see that we're talking about peeps. Y'know those soft marshmallow candies (yellow chickens and pink bunnies are the most popular) that folks either love or love to h...Read full story
Shades of Grey Trilogy; Should Hercule Poirot Share In Its Profits?
"Oui," answers Poirot. You see, it's the cells, those "little gray cells" that the Belgian detective always speaks of. Now someone has stolen his thunder, taken the word gray (sometimes spelled grey), and is using it to make a mint. And Poirot...Read full story
Tiger Woods Says He Misses His Sexy Ex-Wife Elin Nordegren So Much He's Starting To Act Like Gary Busey
TARZANA - Tiger Woods visited the Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo where he had taken two of his caddy's children for a petting zoo visit. Little 7-year-old Hayley Venus and 8-year-old Sanborn Johnny Flaxenworthy enjoyed their visit to the most famou...Read full story
Monkey House at Bronx Zoo Closed; Monkeys Furious
"I don't get it," said one of the displaced monkeys. "The Monkey House had landmark status, but we can't live there anymore? Go figure. What kind of monkey business is this?" The monkeys agree that, overall, humans are just plain obnoxious -- t...Read full story
Going Nude! Small Town's Whole Population Go Nude
A small town (Population 1200) in Arkansas, which doesn't want to reveal it's name or location, has been forced to go nude for the past two weeks, reports a passer-through. "It's really pitiful to see them try to go about their normal business unc...Read full story
NYC St. Patrick's Day Parade Will Star Snakes!
We're not talking human snakes. There are sure to be some of them in the parade too, but we're talking about snakes of the reptile variety. And they will not only be in the parade, but they'll be honored guests. You may think this is a wee bit strange. It was, after all, St. Patrick who threw the snakes out of Ireland. But hey, times change. Think of it as a sort of reparation for the...Read full story
Rowling's New Book
Speculation is rife as to the plot of J.K. Rowling's new book for adults. Her first editor Barry Cunningham was unavailable for comment. Ian Rankin, friend of Rowling's and Scotland's most renowned thriller writer was also unavailable for comment. Geoffrey Archer was not available for comment either. Just who her present editor is remains a mystery. However, in a recent poll among the UK's leading...Read full story
Jennifer Aniston Talks Openly Regarding Marriage, Her Raging Hormones, and Brad Pitt
HOLLYWOOD - Jennifer Aniston was recently honored for her role as Dr. Julia Harris, the nymphomaniacal dentist in the film Horrible Bosses. Aniston received the coveted Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres 'Sexy Starlet Award' for portraying the most sensuous...Read full story
The Reason Why Angelina Jolie Is So Insanely Jealous of George Clooney's Girlfriend Stacy Keibler
NEW YORK CITY - George Clooney and his girlfriend Stacy Keibler were happily strolling down New York City's Central Park with Brad Pitt and his partner Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Clooney have been friends for a long time and they have both jokingly...Read full story
Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev To Star In The Vampire Thriller "There's A Bloody App For That"
LOS ANGELES - The temperature in Tinsel Town was hovering in the mid-90s and Venice Beach was brimming with beach goers wearing every color and design of micro swimsuits imaginable. Two of the most famous Venice Beach visitors were Nina Dobrev and...Read full story
Panic at Daily Mail as paper "runs out of transgender stories"
Hacks at The Daily Mail were reeling yesterday as it emerged that they had "run out of transgender people to demean and misrepresent" . A source from inside the News Room told us "It's awful. It looks like we've just used up all the trans people. We...Read full story
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Meet President Obama and Discuss The Lazy, Fan-Insulting Issue of Lip Syncing
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Justin Bieber and girlfriend Selena Gomez met with President Barack Obama in regards to the lip syncing situation that has reached epidemic proportions in the music industry. Justin informed the president that he and Selena are...Read full story
Simon Cowell Is Thrilled That Britney Spears Has Finally Agreed To Be The New X-Factor Judge
HOLLYWOOD - In true Tinsel Town fashion, Simon Cowell, owner, producer, and judge of X-Factor stood in front of the Hollywood sign and announced that he has gotten his wish and Britney Spears has agreed to be the new judge on X-Factor. The man who...Read full story
Derek Hough and Maksim Chmerkovskiy Want To Buy Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev's Vampire Sux Bar & Grill
LOS ANGELES - Two of the stars of the hit dance show Dancing With The Stars have been looking for a nice restaurant to purchase together. Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough and Maksim "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" Chmerkovskiy recently spoke with the...Read full story
Barbie is 53 Years Old, Takes Up Zumba
To show the world that she's still in great shape, the famous Mattel doll has taken up Zumba, the Latin dance fitness craze that's sweeping the U.S. Dressed in sexy, curve-fitting exercise togs, her blonde locks in a perky ponytail, she was spott...Read full story
Rosie O'Donnell Devastated At Being Fired By Oprah Winfrey But Refuses To Fire Back At The Talk Show Queen
NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell is not exactly a happy little camper these days and to actually be politically and geographically correct Miss O'Donnell is neither happy nor little. Those were the sentiments of iRumors reporter Ling Chow Rangoon w...Read full story
Patricia Heaton Denies That She Is Having An Affair With Rush Limbaugh
LOS ANGELES - Apparently actress Patricia Heaton, who appears as Frankie Heck the dysfunctional, horrible housekeeper of a mother on the sitcom The Middle, thinks that people care about what she has to say in the political arena. That sentiment wa...Read full story
The Snake at the ATM Machine: First Interview
The trouble began when a customer found not only cash but also a snake waiting for him at the ATM machine in Spain. Eek! All's well that ends well, though. Local authorities were called and released the snake from the machine's cash-dispensing...Read full story
Ron Paul Agrees To Appear With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev In An Episode of The Vampire Diaries
BURBANK - GOP presidential hopeful Ron Paul made an appearance on Jay Leno's Tonight Show and the Texan made some interesting comments. The 76-year-old congressman informed Leno that he plans to stay in the GOP political presidential race to the v...Read full story
Sandra Fluke's Attorney States They're Getting Ready To File A $300 Million Lawsuit Against Rush Limbaugh
LOS ANGELES - Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke has just secured the legal services of one of the country's top attorneys, Ginger Allred, cousin of the widely known Gloria Allred. Miss Fluke stated that Miss Allred agreed to take her case on...Read full story
Tiger Woods Could Be Extinct In 12 Years If Unprotected
ST. PETERSBURG, Russia-Tiger Woods could become extinct in 12 years if companies he's still a spokesperson for fail to take quick action to protect their image and step up the fight against infidelity, global celeb experts told a "Tiger summit" S...Read full story
Taylor Swift Denies That Denver Broncos Quarterback Tim Tebow Made a "Pass" At Her
PHILADELPHIA - Taylor Swift was standing on stage at The Cracked Liberty Bell Arena after having conducted a pre-concert sound check. She met with several reporters who all wanted to know about the latest gossip regarding her and Tim Tebow, quarte...Read full story
The Real Reason Why Rush Limbaugh Apologized To Sandra Fluke For Calling Her A "Slut"
NEW YORK CITY - Well it now appears that Rush Limbaugh has crawfished (back pedaled) and issued an apology for calling Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke a "slut." The radio talk show host who usually has a 12-inch cigar sticking out of his a...Read full story
Eating chia seeds improved the sex life of US over 85 year-olds!
The latest health craze about to "tsunami" the shores of Britain and Europe, chia seeds, is not only good for marathon running, Iron Men, extreme mountain-biking, weight-lifting and other such sports. It enhances one's sex drive, especially in OAP's!...Read full story
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Could Be Heading For The Big "D" (Divorce)
DALLAS - It is no secret that Khloe Kardashian, 27, misses the spotlight of Tinsel Town worse than she lets on. Big Khloe, as her husband Lamar Odom calls her, has made it known that she is not at all happy with having to relocate from her home in...Read full story
Lady Gaga Explains Her Vow of Silence
NEW YORK CITY - No one in the history of the entertainment industry has ever spent more money on costumes than Lady Gaga and that includes the gender bender Boy George of Culture Club. Lady Gaga, who will turn 26, on March 28, was recently intervi...Read full story
Christina Aguilera Is Furious At Joan Rivers For Insinuating That She Is Pregnant
BEVERLY HILLS - Christina Aguilera was sitting at The Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive getting her roots colored and her feet massaged. As she was sitting in a plush chair talking to the salon's owner FuFi Fondue she saw Joan Rivers on the salon...Read full story
Lindsay Lohan Admits She's Attracted To Heidi Montag
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan has vowed that her party girl days are over. The extremely freckled Tinsel Town starlet has stated that she has learned her lesson and she is thrilled beyond belief that she is not sitting in some cold, damp prison cell.Read full story
Taylor Swift Is Still Very Upset At Getting Punk'd By Justin Bieber
NASHVILLE - Country music sensation Taylor Swift is still quite upset, angry, and hurt that she was maliciously punk'd by Justin Bieber. Swift was led to believe and actually felt that she'd had a part in causing a wedding yacht to catch fire and...Read full story
Lindsay Lohan Is Finally Off Probation - And She Celebrates By Painting The Town Red!
LOS ANGELES - After being on probation for nearly five years, a Los Angeles County judge has lifted the much-troubled starlets probationary status. Judge Stephanie "The Gavel" Sautner advised the celebutante known as "LiLo" that she wants for her...Read full story
The Hunger Games: The Outtakes Department
VENICE BEACH - One of the stars of The Hunger Games, Liam Hemsworth was spotted having a plate of Crab Rangoon at a Fiery Tongue of The Dragon Chinese Restaurant in Venice Beach. Hemsworth who has been dating Miley Cyrus for quite sometime spoke w...Read full story
Nadya Suleman AKA "OctoMom" Begs Simon Cowell To Let Her Take Nicole Scherzinger's Place On X-Factor
LA HABRA, California - Nadya Suleman, better known as "OctoMom" has found herself in some serious financial trouble. The single mother of 14, including octuplets, cannot afford to continue living in her present home. The house is valued at $565,00...Read full story
Russell Brand Confesses That Kate Gosselin Is The Best Girlfriend That He Has Ever Had
LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand recently revealed to a Hollywood publication that he has never been happier than at the present time due to his new girlfriend Kate Gosselin. Brand who filed for divorce from his sensuously sexy wife Katy Perry two and...Read full story
Political Facebook - Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Rick Santorum: Hey Mitt how's your Etch A Sketch doing? 8:14 a.m. Mitt Romney: It's doing great Ricky boy. Do you still really feel that if I ran against President Obama that Republicans should vote for him and not me, a GOPer. 8:19 a.m. Rick Santorum: Do skunks stink? Is Lake Michigan wet? Does Lindsay Lohan have hundreds and hundreds of freckles? Of course I do "Hai...Read full story
Russell Brand Is Extremely Embarrassed About iPhoneGate
NEW ORLEANS - Russell Brand, the soon-to-be-ex-hubby of Katy Perry, seems to manage to find a way to stay on the front page. Margarita Mixx with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune reports that the 36-year-old Englishman was arrested and charged with to...Read full story
Dallas Mavericks' Lamar Odom Says His Wife Khloe Kardashian Has Become A Jinx
DALLAS - The sports world knows that ever since Lamar Odom was traded by the Los Angeles Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks that his on court performance has not exactly been stellar. Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly has stated that the 6-foot-10-inch...Read full story
Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Says He Would Love To See Tim Tebow In A Cowboys Uniform
DENVER - Well now that all of the carnival-like antics and circus atmosphere of The Peyton Manning Free-For-All Fracas Show is over and he has signed with the Denver Broncos the lingering question is now, "What will become of Denver quarterback sensa...Read full story
The Top 10 Most Unpopular Drinks of 2012
Adult Beverage Magazine has just released their list of The Top 10 Most Unpopular Drinks of 2012. Magazine Editor Ballantine Brouhahaburger, 88, pointed out that this year a total of 917,361 people responded to The Adult Beverage Magazine Rate The Drinks Survey. People from every state in the union participated in the survey. The Rate The Drinks Survey committee executive senior director Gen...Read full story
Red meat may increase health risks but it also makes you "horny"!
Eating red meat enhances the chances that one could die of "Mad Cow Disease", cancer, heart disease and other common symptons related to the consumption of this, pumped up with hormones, deadly product. Scientists have discovered this fact and adv...Read full story
Ron Paul Vows To Do Away With Those Invasive TSA Airport "Pat Downs" Or As He Prefers To Call Them "Feel Ups"
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul was speaking to a crowd that had gathered at Shreveport's General Stonewall Jackson High School. He told the crowd estimated by Jo Jo Spamaficki, owner of Spamaficki's Hardware Store, to...Read full story
Meghan McCain Talks About Sarah "Snowflake" Palin, Ann "Giddy Up" Coulter, and Rush "Limpy" Limbaugh
LOS ANGELES - Meghan McCain, the daughter of Senator John McCain and his elderly Barbie-looking wife Cindy McCain appeared on the daytime talk show The View. She talked about her latest political tell-all book titled My Days and Nights On The 2008...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars: Derek Hough Says That There Is No Truth To The Intimate Rumors Regarding Him and His Dance Partner Maria Menounos
HOLLYWOOD - Len "The Grouch" Goodman, the English judge on Dancing With The Stars, has stated that this years season 14 celebrities are the very best ever on DWTS. Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli, the Italian judge echoed Goodman's sentiments adding...Read full story
Kim Kardashian, Denzel Washington, and Ron Jeremy To Star In "Oops - The Rush Limbaugh Story"
LOS ANGELES - Pipe Dream Films in association with TouchRock Productions will soon begin filming on Sheboygan Saddlewood's Oops - The Rush Limbaugh Story. The motion picture will star the world's most famous porn star Ron Jeremy in the role of GOP...Read full story
Taylor Swift Denies The Tattoo Rumors
BEVERLY HILLS - Taylor Swift was recently seen having a nice quiet dinner with one of her high school friends Skeeter Sue Quailberger at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in 90210. After the two girls left the restaurant they were approache...Read full story
New aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?
London - A French maid toiling away at Lord Strathmore's stove has been outed as the birth mother of mad-as-a-hatter Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who became the wife of King George VI. Marguerite Rodiere was herself the bastard spawn of the Rev Charles Ca...Read full story
Oprah Fires Rosie, Then Does Dance!
After telling the press that she was having to fire Rosie O'Donnell and cancel her show, a saddened, tearful Oprah left her press conference and went into her office. Where she apparently did a fancy dance for a good ten minutes, according to a pe...Read full story
The Top Ten Political Etch A Sketch Sayings of The Month
Ever since Mitt Romney spokesperson Eric "The Red" Fehrnstrom made his Etch A Sketch remark at a political campaign rally at a Pizza Gal Restaurant parking lot in Missoula, Montana, the name of the toy has been used more times than the words "Where's the clicker?" The following list was compiled by the verbiage gathering agency known as Did You Hear That, Inc. which is based in Kalamazoo, Michi...Read full story
Hitler or Bloomberg? Take the Fascism's in Fashion Quiz
Here are six unidentified quotes uttered by either New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg or German dictator Adolf Hitler. Test your knowledge of the world's fastest growing political scheme by correctly identifying who said what. 1."'I have my own army... which is the seventh largest army in the world." Answer: No, this wasn't a boast by Hitler about his SS storm troopers. It's Mayor Mike warning t...Read full story
President Obama: "I will not seek a second term"
In a move that has stunned America, President Barack Obama has announced that he will not compete in November's Presidential election for a second term as leader of the free world, claiming he has better things to do with his time. Instead, he is...Read full story
Donald Trump Says He Does Not Want To See Sacha Baron Cohen's Birth Certificate - He Wants Him Deported
NEW YORK CITY - Multi-billionaire Donald Trump has never been one to hold back on how he feels. The star of The Celebrity Apprentice has made it known that he did not like Admiral General Aladeen alias Sacha Baron Cohen's Academy Award Red Carpet...Read full story
Solar flare disrupts Sky TV
Couch potatoes across the UK were left without their daily dose of Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women as a solar flare bathed the Earth knocking out Sky's Astra satellite. The several million mile long stream of high energetic particles from the sun trav...Read full story
Bin Laden Not Dead! Navy SEAL Admits: We Killed Cat Stevens
The bulletin that came through just a few minutes ago has set the whole world on edge. Well, maybe not the WHOLE world. It's A Wild World, so you can expect the unexpected. Apparently a Navy SEAL who was a backup for the team that supposedly kille...Read full story
UFO Sighted Over the Nation's Capitol
Washington DC: An extremely bright light was visually observed hovering high over the White House. The light could be seen as far away as Chicago IL, yet area air traffic control RADAR screens were completely blank. The light was definitely identi...Read full story
American Idol's Gentle Giant, 6-Foot-8-Inch Jermaine Jones, Has Been Disqualified
HOLLYWOOD - Last week after Jennifer Lopez' favorite performer Jeremy Rosado was eliminated from American Idol it left twelve AI hopefuls. But an interesting development has developed and now there will actually only be eleven contestants left in...Read full story
Kate Gosselin Still Pines for British Man Who Ditched her for a Tart
It was the summer of 2010, and Kate Gosselin was at the peak of not only her reality show acting career but also the peak of her sexuality. Divorced since 2009, Gosselin was hot to trot, but looking for love in a small Pennsylvania town with cameras...Read full story
Lesbian Porn Audio Played Instead Of Macedonian National Anthem At Australian Neo-Nazi Festival
A blunder at a pan-European Australian Neo-Nazi festival has left hundreds of Neo-Nazis stunned. The 70 000 Neo-Nazis at the festival, hosted at the Geelong Adventure Park to celebrate Adolf Hitler's birthday, were standing to attention to the nat...Read full story
Kate Middleton has the painters in
Kate nee Middleton has got the decorators in this week, what with Aunt Flo coming to visit, she felt it was the right time of the month to put a bit of colour in the house. "Aunt Flo is quite demanding about décor," said interior decorator, Tim O'...Read full story
Coronal Mass Ejection Causes Blackouts, Conversation, Sex, and Other Forms of Coronal Mass Ejection
A funny thing happened on the way to our 2012 world ending solar storm, local blackouts and satellite and cellular service interruption has forced people to actually speak to each other face to face, learn to help out a neighbor running short on cand...Read full story
Rihanna Says She Loves Chris Brown and She Has Forgotten All About The Cuts, Bruises, Scrapes, and Abrasions
ATLANTA - Rihanna and Chris Brown were recently spotted having a nice cozy dinner at Hotlanta's IHIPHOP Soul Food Restaurant. The stunning Barbados beauty was wearing a tight-fitting pink T-shirt that read: I Have 4-Given Chrissy. Chris Brown m...Read full story
Stephen Hendry disqualified from the World Snooker Championship
Stephen Hendry has been disqualified from the World Snooker Championship, a popular snooker tournament held in the Crucible, after bringing a calculator into the arena. "Everybody knows that snooker is a maths based sport," said tournament organis...Read full story
Katy Perry Jumps At The Chance To Guest Star With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev on The Vampire Diaries
LOS ANGELES - Katy Perry says that she is starting to feel a little bit better about herself and realizes that she knows she tried to make her marriage to Russell Brand work. Perry sat in the outdoor patio of The Enchanted Enchilada in Redondo Bea...Read full story
Planets forming extremely rare Grand Trine, send punters bonkers in Cheltenham betting frenzy
Gloucestershire - Expect a massive gambling splurge bookies have been told as the zodiac's high-rolling planets of supreme good fortune align for Cheltenham Week. A magnificent starry display in Earth signs of Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn is the fi...Read full story
The Reason Why Ricky Gervais Turned Down Simon Cowell's Generous Offer To Be A Judge On X-Factor
LOS ANGELES - Now that Simon Cowell has filled one of the two available judges positions on X-Factor with Britney Spears, the entertainment world is wondering who he will select to take the second vacant judges chair. Names that have been tossed a...Read full story
Russell Brand Confesses That Kate Gosselin Makes His Toes Tingle and His Lap Feel Frisky
SANTA MONICA BEACH - Russell Brand and Kate Gosselin have only been dating for a little over a week and they are already making waves (no pun intended) as they frolicked in the warm waters off Santa Monica Beach. Brand wore a black swimsuit with t...Read full story
More From The Problem Page
With This Week's Guest Editor: 20th Century Philosopher Of Being Martin Heidegger (James Corden says: "Top man! Being all over the media like a rash is so stressing. Jack Black introduced me to Heidegger's 'Überwindung der Metaphysik' on the set of Gulliver's Travels: it's the perfect way to touch base after a hard day feeding my already-bloated ego." Dear Martin, as a mature man, it is...Read full story
The Reasons Why Britney Spears Should Take Simon Cowell's $10 Million Offer To Replace Paula Abdul On X-Factor
HOLLYWOOD - Ever since Britney Spear's concert tour of Australia when she was caught lip syncing on most of her performances, she has had a reputation for being Little Miss Lip Syncer. And although as iRumors, Bedroom Pillow Talk, Tittle Tattle T...Read full story
Records Reveal That Dick Cheney Never Received A Heart Transplant, Turns Out He Never Had One In The First Place
The Non-Associated Press released a surgeon's report detailing former vice president, Dick Cheney's "heart transplant". The operation was performed by two of the world's foremost surgeons, Drs. Foster and Schmick who actually aren't surgeons at all...Read full story
Doomsday Preppers Cause World Wide Panic
With all the talk of doomsday prepping what else could be expected? These days, people are coming up with all sorts of doomsday prophecies from an economic collapse to mega volcanic eruption in Yellowstone National Park. If you ask me, this is just an excuse to be a hoarder, without letting the world know you have a psychological problem. Really, what are the odds of a major pandemic or electro-ma...Read full story
Rebekah Brooks' ex-husband Ross Kemp 'might also have ridden Met horse Raisa'
London - Their June 2002 marriage fell at the post well before the seven year itch when the Missus' sharp backhander landed her overnight in a police cell on suspected spouse abuse charges. This morning Ross Kemp was staying schtum as YouBoob! vid...Read full story
Obama's To Divorce After President Admits To secret Love Child Trayvon Martin
President Barack Obama who weighed into the controversial killing of a black teenager in Florida in very personal terms last week, announcing the boy to his son and calling for American "soul searching" over how the incident occurred has incurred the...Read full story
Launch of iPad 3 To Be Sabotaged by Older iPads
If the rumor mill is correct, Apple will be launching its iPad 3 on Wednesday, March 7, at a major press event. Customers are thrilled, but the older iPads aren't! Apparently it's a severe case of sibling rivalry. As one of the older iPads state...Read full story
American Idol Sends Heejun "Funnybone" Han Back Home To Flushing, New York
HOLLYWOOD - And now American Idol's Top 9 have just become the Top 8. This week Elise "Estrogen" Testone from Charleston, South Carolina sang a fabulous rendition of Led Zeppelin's classic "Whole Lotta Love" and it helped to keep her out of the dread...Read full story
Libra Woman Decides To Just Keep Being Indecisive - And Then Wonders If She Just Went Back On Her Decision, And If So, Is That OK?
Her entire life, 48-year-old Libra Madison Powell heard the constant refrain, "Stop being so indecisive!" And she tried, she really did. As a child, she practiced making smaller decisions of lesser import, like choosing Cheerios over Raisin Bran for her breakfast - only to find herself plagued with doubts while eating her Cheerios, wondering whether the Raisin Bran, or even Corn Flakes, might...Read full story
Jennifer Aniston Is Close To Kicking Justin Theroux Out The Door and To The Curb
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jennifer Aniston has to be one of the most unluckiest women when it comes to men. The beautiful blonde actress has no trouble getting a boyfriend, but for some unknown reason she has a very hard time keeping one. According to Pic...Read full story
The Dorking Sentinel: The Online Forum Discusses Easter
A SELECTION FROM THE FORUMS AT dorksent.web dorksent.web-forums>visiting>Dorking>Dorking's Wonderful Attractions NO POSTS IN THIS DISCUSSION please register to post on the forums dorksent.web>living>Dorking>Eastre Com-prattitune! KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 11 Feb 2012: Why do we nott celbrete Eastre like in the oldan day's thises day's? May Wiff an'd I goe s...Read full story
American Idol Eliminates 11 Singers and Whittles It Down To The Top 13
HOLLYWOOD - It was an American Idol night filled with tears, tears, and more tears. And a lot of them came from the beautiful brown eyes of Jennifer Lopez. It is no secret that J.Lo really takes the eliminating of any young singers hard, but on th...Read full story
Myanmar Embraces Facebook As Electronic Medical Record
(AP) Yangon -The long impoverished South East Asian nation of Myanmar is understood to be in negotiations with The World Health Organisation (WHO) co-founder Derek Zoolander to trial Facebook as an International Electronic Medical Record. Speakin...Read full story
Naked "Tour de Peru" causes sore bums and traffic chaos!
Lima, Peru: As preperation for this years Tour de France pro-cyclists decided to go to Peru for the "Naked Tour de Peru". The reason why they cycled naked was to get their bums hardened for the long haul ahead in France. The trainers of the teams too...Read full story
Is Tiger Woods' Career Over?
After showing flashes of the old Tiger Woods over the past couple of months, Tiger Woods was shooting 3 over par at Doral Sunday and suddenly left the game. His only comment was "left leg". Now everyone is wondering if it was the left leg giving h...Read full story
Justine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!
LONDON, ONTARIO (ABSNN) - Young Justin Bieber, a heart throb to tweens is a fairly girlish-boy. He is a pale imitation of a wimp; a slow breeze would knock him off his feet. A 98-year-old rag picker would beat his ass in a fight. And Bieber himsel...Read full story
Joseph Kony 2012 campaign stealing thunder from Paul, Romney, Santorum
HARFOLD, Vt. - Thanks to a campaign video which has gone viral this week, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum have begun taking a back seat to Joseph Kony and his Kony 2012 campaign. With 62 million hits, Kony 2012 has kicked the asses of any...Read full story
Alert: Real Life Is Way Too Similar To Fairy Tales
In a surprisingly good twist of fate I've been dating someone for the past two months who has yet to shock and horrify me. Fear not, his freak flag will fly sooner or later and make for a very interesting post, but until I can publicly mock him I will need to look a little harder to find inspiration. During my journey home from one of our "slumber parties" (after telling the tourist blocking th...Read full story
Ashton Kutcher & Halle Berry - Ashton Admits He's Still Attracted To "Cougars"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Ashton Kutcher was recently spotted having dinner alone at a local Pompous Pizza Parlor. The star of the TV sitcom Two and A Half Men was asked by Pia Confetti of The El Lay Informer if it was true that he has been wanting to date...Read full story
Kate is virtually bald says celeb hairdresser
London - "Underneath she's bald as a Coutts bank manager, hehe," Kensington crimper to the stars Ray 'Mr Queasy-Squeezy' Bessone Jr said this weekend. Apparently Kate's had weeks of Wayne Rooney-style surgery that transplanted a pesky mustache ont...Read full story
"A Fine Pair Of Pollocks" - Aldi Ad Wins Inaugural 'Titter Ye Not Prize'
The inaugural 'Titter Ye Not Prize' was awarded this lunchtime in a Central London hotel banqueting suite. The prize, thought to be the brainchild of controversial historian, David Starkey, is to be awarded on a totally haphazard basis to whoever hap...Read full story
New Life-Essential Vitamin Discovered - Vitamin Q, Found Only in Water Chestnuts
Scientists have discovered a previously unknown and highly essential vitamin, vitamin Q, which is reportedly found only in water chestnuts. "Vitamin Q is absolutely and utterly vital to life," stated nutritional expert Dr. Anders Chase in a presen...Read full story
A Very Pregnant and Nude Jessica Simpson Follows In The Magazine Cover Footsteps of Demi Moore, Claudia Schiffer, and Mariah Carey
LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson, 31, has admitted to being a lot of things but modest is certainly not one of them. The pregnant and unmarried blonde singer, actress, and magician's assistant has just joined the ranks of several other well known cel...Read full story
Rush Limbaugh's Wife, Kathryn Warns The Cigar Chomper That He Had Better Stop His "Female Bashing"
NEW YORK CITY - From the We All Knew It Was Coming Department comes word that GOP radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh's fourth (4th) wife Kathryn has let the old cigar chomper know that she is not happy with his female bashing antics. In a report f...Read full story
Political Facebook - Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Glenn Beck: Hey Rush, how the hell are you holding up you big mouth scumbag? 9:03 a.m. Rush Limbaugh: Oh, I guess I'm okay Glenn, considering that so far I have lost 11 of my radio talk show sponsors. 9:07 a.m. Glenn Beck: I know the feeling fat boy believe me. I lost every single one of my sponsors and as you know shortly after that I lost my job and now I'm getting...Read full story
Rachel Allen Celebrates St Patrick's Day With Some Zingy Hot Irish Sauce
Top blonde Irish telly chef Rachel Allen celebrated St Patrick's day today by smothering her breasts in hot zingy chilli sauce, in an innovative recipe suggestion sent in by avid fan, Martin Shuttlecock. "I was in a bad mood when I woke up this mo...Read full story
J-Lo and Mariah Carey Line Up at Justin Bieber's Back Door for 18th Birthday
Reportedly not wanting to miss out on the celebratory and legal milestone birthday fun, both Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez were seen just outside the festivities at Justin Bieber's 18th birthday bash. While publicists for the two mature entertai...Read full story
Your Problem Page With Robert Pattinson The Geordie Horse
Robert Pattinson The Geordie Horse was voted Number One Problem-Solving Equine in a Gallop Poll Dear Robert, I am a kleptomaniac. My flat is like Aladdin's Cave. I have just come back from town with three lampshades, an electric blanket and a pork pie hat. I can hardly move for contraband. What can I do? Jim Carner Goodwood Robert Pattinson writes: Neigh, neigh, hinny. Thoo's saddle...Read full story
Mitt Romney Excommunicated by Mormon Church! Becomes a Methodist
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney, the front runner in the chase for the Republican nomination for President of the United States was excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, after it was revealed Sat...Read full story
Madonna Is Ecstatic About Her Brand New Tramp Stamp Tattoo
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna recently stated that her half time performance at this year's Super Bowl did more to revitalize her extremely sagging career than anything else she has done in the past ten years. The Big Apple songstress remarked that than...Read full story
Now Playing for the New England Patriots: Rajon Rondo?
Last summer seems a couple of lockouts ago. Back then we recall seeing Rajon Rondo meeting with Chad Ochocinco and Bill Belichick at one of their early practices. Of course, at that time Rondo was not sure where his athletic future would take him.Read full story
Ron Paul said to be victim of Spontaneous Human Combustion!
DALLAS, TX (ABSNN)-Ron Paul, Texas Congressman and Republican Presidential also-ran, burst into flames this morning while awaiting an interview with Today's Matt Lauer. His body was completely consumed while sitting in a make-up chair prior to the 9...Read full story