Russell Brand Is Extremely Embarrassed About iPhoneGate

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 16 March 2012

image for Russell Brand Is Extremely Embarrassed About iPhoneGate
The Cajun Bayou Federal Building from which Russell Brand tossed the iPhone. (Photo provided by Ellen DeGeneres).

NEW ORLEANS - Russell Brand, the soon-to-be-ex-hubby of Katy Perry, seems to manage to find a way to stay on the front page.

Margarita Mixx with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune reports that the 36-year-old Englishman was arrested and charged with tossing a reporter's iPhone through a window.

5T is referring to the incident as iPhoneGate and reports that Mr. Brand was released from the New Orleans jail after posting a $5,273 bond.

The reporter's iPhone was tossed through a window from the 38th floor of The Cajun Bayou Federal Building and it hit a city bus causing the driver to hit a taxi cab which in turn crashed into a Bourbon Street tattoo parlor that specializes in political tattoos.

The iPhone belonged to Miss Missy Wonderbox a reporter with Hollywood Innuendo. She had simply asked Mr. Brand a question about his girlfriend Kate Gosselin when he exploded and grabbed the iPhone from her hand and furiously threw it through the window.

Miss Wonderbox has reportedly secured the legal services of noted California attorney Ginger Allred, cousin of the infamous Gloria Allred, and is claiming that the incident has left her severely traumatized.

Miss Allred informed the media that her client is suffering from loss of appetite, horrendous headaches, bouts of Incidental Ipso Disequilibrium Vertigo Ad Hoc, and a case of second degree athlete's foot on both feet.

Brand, who listed his occupation as a comedian stated that he did not mean to toss the iPhone out the window but that it somehow slipped out of his extremely, angry, sweaty hand.

He said that he immediately offered to pay Miss Wonderbox for the cost of the iPhone plus 15 percent as well as giving her a pair of free front row seat tickets to his performance at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club in West Hollywood on March 31.

Margarita Mixx stated that Miss Wonderbox told him that she does not care for his brand of humor (no pun intended).

The Hollywood Innuendo reporter is alleged to have told her editor-in-chief that when Ginger Allred gets through with Mr. Russell Brand she (MW) will be able to buy The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club.

Miss Mixx has confirmed that after the traumatic incident Wonderbox had to suddenly sit down as she began complaining about her ears starting to ring real bad.

She also pointed out that her tongue was acting kind of funny and that the tip was actually rubbing against her uvula causing it to put a needless strain on her tonsils; especially the left one.

Russel Brand says that he is extremely embarrassed about the whole iPhoneGate incident and expressed that he hopes that Miss Wonderbox finds it in her kind beautiful heart to drop the lawsuit.

He pointed out that he is already depressed enough about his pending divorce from Katy (Perry) as well as from the fact that he has suddenly developed a hideously awful rash on his stomach.

SIDENOTE: Meanwhile Russell Brand's girlfriend Kate Gosselin was back in her home in Reading, Pennsylvania and when contacted by The Tinsel Town Times Tribune and asked to comment simply replied, "Gosh I miss my 'Lusty Rusty' so darn bad, I think I'll have him meet me halfway which would either be Chattanooga or Knoxville, Tennessee thanks." [CLICK]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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