The Reasons Why Britney Spears Should Take Simon Cowell's $10 Million Offer To Replace Paula Abdul On X-Factor

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 18 March 2012

image for The Reasons Why Britney Spears Should Take Simon Cowell's $10 Million Offer To Replace Paula Abdul On X-Factor
Britney may take Simon Cowell's offer of $10 million to be a judge on X-Factor. (Photo by V.P. Joe Biden).

HOLLYWOOD - Ever since Britney Spear's concert tour of Australia when she was caught lip syncing on most of her performances, she has had a reputation for being Little Miss Lip Syncer.

And although as iRumors, Bedroom Pillow Talk, Tittle Tattle Tonight and other entertainment news programs have pointed out Ms. Spears is not the only singer who has employed that "Cheatin' Thang" as country singer Hank Williams, Jr. refers to lip syncing.

But sad to say Britney is the one that is most associated with the dreaded "LS" words.

Madonna, Rihanna, and the Simpson sisters, Jessica and Ashlee have all relied on the pre-recorded music and singing to keep them from becoming winded during their "live" concert productions.

Spears recently sat down with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo at a Burger Doll in Redondo Beach and discussed the illicit art of lip syncing. Britney stated that she is really and truly sorry for having done it in the first place.

San Guacamole asked her if she was sorry that she did it or sorry that she was caught doing it. Spears giggled and replied "both."

The former Mickey Mouse Club singer emphasized that she never meant to be underhandedly deceitful, unscrupulously devious, or unethically dishonest.

She grinned and added that she really and truly figured that no one would even notice and that it would be no big deal, much less that she would be asked to leave the country (Australia) and return to the United States.

Miss San Guacamole assured her that it was all in the past and that it was now simply just conniving water under the sneaky bridge and she asked to move on.

Britney got a tear in her eye as she whispered "Thank you Fajita, thank you so very much."

Spears was asked about the report that had appeared in The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle about her having a conversation with Simon Cowell and that he had asked her to take Paula Abdul's place at the X-Factor judges table next to him.

Britney smiled as she took a bite from her Dollyburger and a sip from her JalapeƱo Margarita. She admitted that Mr. Cowell, who is known as "The Sultan of Sarcasm" had in fact approached her and offered her $10 million to take "Touchdown" Abdul's place.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Simon fired judges Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger along with host Steven Jones in what became known as 'The January X-Factor Massacre'.]

TV ClickerWorld reported that Ms. Abdul had been fired because she refused to heed Cowell's warning to stop reaching underneath the judges table during the commercials and playing with his right thigh.

TVC divulged that Nicole Scherzinger was fired because of the fact that she just cried way, way too much. And on several occasions fellow judge L.A. Reid almost slipped on her teardrops that had fallen on the floor.

Steven Jones, the host of X-Factor was terminated because millions of viewers simply said that he was extremely robotic and many referred to him as a Stepford Husband.

Jones was also very hard to understand and had a tendency of mispronouncing simple words such as hysterectomy, Massachusetts, and prophylactic.

San Guacamole asked Britney if she was going to take the X-Factor judge's job. The blonde singer giggled like Richard Simmons and responded by shrugging her shoulders as if to say 'I don't know.'

Fajita told her that she was going to give her some unsolicited advice. She told her to take the job. She added that for one thing, the pay was fantastic.

Two, she would be exposed to over 30 million viewers each week. Three, she could sing her latest recording on the show, and four, it would help everyone forget that she was the lip syncing queen of America.

Spears smiled from ear-to-ear. She put down her Dollyburger and gave Fajita a great big hug. She said that she was thrilled that she had talked to her and that from now on she (Fajita) would be the first Hollywood reporter to get any scoop regarding her career or her personal life.

In late breaking news. Rush Limbaugh spoke with GOPicky Magazine and stated that his wife Kathryn is not divorcing him and that she has only said that she is just to get him to stop bitterly bashing females and acting like he is better than every woman in America.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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