A Very Pregnant and Nude Jessica Simpson Follows In The Magazine Cover Footsteps of Demi Moore, Claudia Schiffer, and Mariah Carey

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 8 March 2012


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Jessica Simpson shown three days after the actual conception. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson, 31, has admitted to being a lot of things but modest is certainly not one of them.

The pregnant and unmarried blonde singer, actress, and magician's assistant has just joined the ranks of several other well known celebrities who have agreed to showcase their extremely pregnant and nude bodies on the cover of a national magazine.

Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo noted that it seems like the blonde starlet has been pregnant for at least 12 months.

She went on to say that Simpson's baby bump has got to be the biggest baby bump in recent memory. Even the baby's father Eric Johnson said that the baby is taking up so much of Jessica's tummy that she has no room for food.

He laughed and said that recent X-rays show that Jessica's small intestine is now located right beside her windpipe and as soon as she swallows a food particle like a piece of carrot, potato, or Butterball breast it immediately hits her small intestine.

Jessica is noted for having once asked if Chicken of The Sea Tuna actually was made from chicken. Ah no Jess it is really made from woodchuck just as the name implies.

Miss San Guacamole was able to speak with Simpson and she asked her how much weight she has gained during her pregnancy. Jessica giggled and said that she has only gained a paltry 13 pounds.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: That is amazing since Simpson's obstetrician Dr. Zimaretto Yovanovich has gone on record saying that the baby presently weighs 10 pounds 7 ounces. The good doctor also admitted that Simpson has actually gained a total of 87ΒΌ pounds.]

Simpson was asked what had happened to her I Love Tony Romo tattoo that used to be on her stomach. She blushed and said that two weeks ago she went in and had it laserly removed at a cost of $272.

Jessica was asked about the rumors that have appeared in the supermarket tabloids Say What? and Just Saying that stated that her tummy cover had been airbrushed, photoshopped, and digitally altered to remove all of her stretch marks, cellulite, blemishes, spider veins, scars, and 16 freckles.

She replied that the two publications were wrong and she pointed out that the 16 freckles were covered up by her personal make up artist Skippy Von Zippy of The Beverly Hills House of Freckle Hiding.

Rush Limbaugh was asked what he thought about Jessica Simpson displaying her nude body for the entire world to see. He shook his head, took a puff from his 12-inch cigar, and said that Simpson is nothing more than a high paid (EXPLETIVE DELETED BY EDITOR).

To view Jessica Simpson's ultra sound video as well as extremely personal and intimate photos of the actual conception go to www.jessicasimpsonwhoanellie.ego.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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