The Dorking Sentinel: The Online Forum Discusses Easter
A SELECTION FROM THE FORUMS AT dorksent.web dorksent.web-forums>visiting>Dorking>Dorking's Wonderful Attractions NO POSTS IN THIS DISCUSSION please register to post on the forums dorksent.web>living>Dorking>Eastre Com-prattitune! KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 11 Feb 2012: Why do we nott celbrete Eastre like in the oldan day's thises day's? May Wiff an'd I goe s...Read full story
Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"
According to a CNN/USA Today poll, 63 percent of surveyed douchebags hold a negative connotation to the term "douchebag". "I find that the term is outdated, and needs a change as it no longer captures the essence of what makes our people unique" says...Read full story
Acme Limburger Cheese Company Pulls Advertising on Rush Limbaugh Show
"If anyone knows stinky, it is the Acme Limburger Cheese Company," said Hugh Steenck, Vice President in charge of marketing. "As of today, this company will no longer pay to advertise on the Rush Limbaugh Show," announced the VP on the Sunday editio...Read full story
Rondo-mania Trumps Lin-sanity
With the New York Knickerbockers in Boston, the highly anticipated matchup of Jeremy Lin and Rajon Rondo featured more pirouettes than you will see in Swan Lake. For the most part in the first three minutes Rondo turned Lin into a pretzel and se...Read full story
Vladimar Putin is new Chelsea Manager
Freshly victorious Russian President Vlad,feels he has the skills to sort out Chelsea's woes. His new regime will make Frank Lampard very happy as he will be Captain, following John Terry's penchant for perving and pultitrudious, he will be sold t...Read full story
Rush Limbaugh Begs Student For Forgiveness!
Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh apologized Saturday and again three different times on Sunday to a Georgetown University law student he had branded a "slut" and "prostitute" and "bigot" after fellow Republicans as well as Democrats criticiz...Read full story
Balls Pond Road couple in Routemaster tragedy
London - Islington residents Russell and Ivy Bong's dreams of riding the newly resurrected hop-on/hop-off Routemaster to their ruby wedding piss-up in Dalston took a heavy blow tonight. The Balls Pond Road couple first tied the knot in 1972 after...Read full story
Harry Redknapp accepts England job after Man United beat Tottenham Hotspur
Harry Redknapp performed a dramatic u-turn today, worthy of a cockney cab driver or posh Prime Minister, and accepted the England job even though the Football Association haven't offered it to him. Speaking at White Hart lane after Man United beat...Read full story
And not a zip-up sports holdall in sight as top Scots Silk Paul McBride found RIP in Lahore hotel
Pakistan - Lahore Police HQ sources are saying tonight a 'natural causes' verdict is highly likely as pathologists delve to explain the sudden unexpected death of Paul McBride QC. The Scottish lawyer was found dead in bed at the Shangrila Hotel Pr...Read full story
Babbacombe Man In Bee-Keeping Balls-Up
A man from Babbacombe, Torquay, has become involved in a bee-keeping furore that has caused confusion and outtrage among local residents. Bobby Babbington, 52, who lives in Alphabet Lane, Babbacombe, began b-keeping as a hobby and has amassed a co...Read full story
Chelsea sack another manager: Benitez, Griffin and 'arry react
Chelsea owner Roman Abramovitch today pulled the plug on under fire manager Andre Villas-Boas and told security guards to escort him from the building. Following an embarrassing defeat away to lowly West Bromwich Albion yesterday, the knifes were...Read full story
Old Queen's 'Nice Little Earner' This Summer!
With many British businesses being forced to reduce their prices by around 75% in order to get any customers through their doors at all, the latest news is that on Wednesday Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt will be announcing the government's latest sna...Read full story
Northern Ireland FA to investigate appointment of 'wrong manager'
Northern Irish football was thrown into scandal last night after it turned out they might just possibly have accidentally appointed the wrong M.O'Neil as manager. Michael O'Neill was given the job on December 28th 2011, the week between Christmas...Read full story
Republican Think Tank Names Rush Limbaugh #1 Imbecile!
The top Republican think tank in Washington, C.E.S.S.P.O.O.L., has released its top five Imbeciles list, people whom it says have made significant contributions to the betterment of the Party's reputation for incessant idiocy. Number 5. Rand Paul...Read full story
Facebook wary of new rival social network for Lady Gaga and Chris Brown haters.
The big wigs at Facebook were preparing for a massive defection last night when a new rival called 'Hatebook' went live. A spokesperson for the company explained last night "Facebook users have been asking for a 'dislike' button for so long and th...Read full story
'Meateor' delivers Lady Gaga's new alien outfit
London - Carnivore chic fans said today that a meteor (sic) carrying up to 100 metres of subtle flesh-toned alien scrag-end beef jerky was seen streaking across UK skies last night. Witnesses jammed police switchboards with reports that the galact...Read full story
Meteor was definitely an alien warship, claim Star Trek fans!
Dedicated British Star Trek fans rushed outside their council houses last night all over Britain to observe a burning meteor. They were all convinced it was an alien warship searching for a new Captain Kirk. Ever since the original Kirk turned int...Read full story
GOP legislation to allow employers to limit restroom access to female employees!
In a move that stunned even hard boiled Capitol watchers, the GOP dominated House of Representatives introduced legislation late today to allow employers to deny restroom access to female employees. The sponsor of the bill, Congressman Eric Canto...Read full story
Humans are evolving bigger noses
A study of skulls across the past twenty-thousand years since modern humans emerged from Africa has revealed that human nosed and ears are getting bigger. "For most of human history," said Cambridge University evolutionary biologist, Eva Luton, "n...Read full story
Worst Ten Requests for a Raise
The top 100 companies in America Have funded a Human Resource project looking at strategies for increasing personal income. Although there may be apparently good reasons to ask your boss for a raise, he or she may not always agree with you. Economics professor Hugh R. Fyred explains the top ten worst reasons you can give for a raise. 10. My Wife Wants a New Swimming Pool Your boss's spouse...Read full story
Former President Clinton offers support to 'Slut' Student following Obama Intervention
Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown Law student at the centre of the Rush Limbaugh 'Slut' row, has now received public backing from not one but two American Presidents. First, Barak Obama telephoned her to offer words of support, now former President Bill C...Read full story
My Senior Moments - W/E 4th March 2012
Sunday 26th February 2012 * Fell asleep, and woke up as I was falling out of the chair! How? - No idea, but the pan of soup got burnt while all this was going on. Monday 27th February 2012 * Tried again to get rid of the alarm I accidentally set on the DAB radio, and lost the one preset I had. * Searched in vain for my mobile phone, still looking. Tuesday 28th February 2012 * Found mob...Read full story
Selected Political News for W/E 4th March 2012 - with comments
Monday 27th February 2012 Topic: Judges in Italy throw out Silvio Berlusconi bribery case! Source: The Metro Judges in Milan have thrown out bribery charges against former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, claiming the statute of limitations has run out! I see the legal system in Italy is just as bent as our here in Britain then! Tuesday 28th February 2012 Topic: Crime Licenc...Read full story
Nottingham News for W/E Sun 4th March 2012 - with comments
Monday 27th February 2012 Topic: Crime Nottingham Anti-crime scheme expands its 'carrot and stick' method Source: This is Nottingham A new scheme to keep track of Notts criminals is expected to be expanded. Almost 400 criminals in the county are on the Integrated Offender Management programme. It initially offers offenders help in a bid to deter them from crime but, if that help is refus...Read full story
The Real Reason Why Rush Limbaugh Apologized To Sandra Fluke For Calling Her A "Slut"
NEW YORK CITY - Well it now appears that Rush Limbaugh has crawfished (back pedaled) and issued an apology for calling Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke a "slut." The radio talk show host who usually has a 12-inch cigar sticking out of his a...Read full story
Shocker For Feminists As 9 Out Of 10 Men Admit They'd Rather Have A Penguin
Feminists were left reeling today, as the results of a recent survey revealed that 9 out of 10 men - a shockingly shocking 90% in total - revealed that they'd rather have a Penguin, as opposed to succumbing to the womanly wiles of a feminist woman.Read full story
Launch of iPad 3 To Be Sabotaged by Older iPads
If the rumor mill is correct, Apple will be launching its iPad 3 on Wednesday, March 7, at a major press event. Customers are thrilled, but the older iPads aren't! Apparently it's a severe case of sibling rivalry. As one of the older iPads state...Read full story
Stalker Nun With Custard Fetish Sectioned After Complaint From Irate Yorkshireman
A nun was sectioned today by the Cleckhuddersfax area mental health team, following a complaint from prominent Chips n Gravy champion, Ken Mither. Mither, 26 (Or so he claims) complained to Cleckhuddersfax Borough Council that he was being stalked...Read full story
21 Questions about Senior Citizens Answered by a US Senior Citizen!
The following (with permission) is based on Inchcock's magazine article "20 questions about Senior Citizens answered by a Senior Citizen," but from a US readers perspective. It's akin to Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. 1) Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them? A: Look in the adult bookstore under PORN videos. 2) Q: How ca...Read full story
Santorum and Romney disagree with Limbaugh's choice of vocabulary, so many better words than "slut"
WASHINGTON D.C. - Both Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum both distanced themselves this week from vocabulary that radio host Rush Limbaugh used to describe a woman who expressed the opinion that her health insurance should pay for her contraception. L...Read full story