Gardeners' Question Time: The Venerable Bede Advises Franz Schubert

Funny story: Gardeners' Question Time: The Venerable Bede Advises Franz Schubert

This week's guest gardening expert is The Father of English History and scathing Transportation and Culture Analyst THE VENERABLE BEDE Here is just a taste of some of the works that have earned The Venerable Bede the right to stand shoulder to shoulder with literary giants such as J K Rowling and James Corden: Brittania Oceani insula, cui quondam Albion nomen fuit, inter septentrionem et...

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Massive Increase in UK Postal Charges Looms: Buy Stamps Now

Funny story: Massive Increase in UK Postal Charges Looms: Buy Stamps Now

An announcement about a huge hike in the cost of posting a letter seems imminent, with charges for a second class letter going up to around 55 pence and first class possibly exceeding 70 pence. This will see postal charges going up by more than 50%.

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X-Files Scully (Gillian Anderson) Admits She Swings Four Ways!

Funny story: X-Files Scully (Gillian Anderson) Admits She Swings Four Ways!

Talk about a confession, actress Gillian Anderson told reporters yesterday that she "Swings Four-Ways" sexually. How's that again? Her bisexuality comes out in the latest issue of "Out" magazine where Ms. Anderson that she had had lesbian affai...

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Sweet Home Allah'bama?

Funny story: Sweet Home Allah'bama?

The President released this statement while traveling to the Midwest during one of his Campaign stops. The President said, "I'd like to put and end to the rumor that we have a plan to transform our country in my second term into The United Sharia...

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Footie descends into farce in Doha

Funny story: Footie descends into farce in Doha

Qatar - Did he fall or was he pushed? An unfortunate dunking in Qatar's equivalent of the Diana, Princess of Whales Memorial Fountain this evening saw Premier League chairman Sir David Richards wet himself all over in the Doha Shangri-La Hotel's dec...

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Strip Club Donation To Keep Texas Little League From Closing, Turned Down!

Funny story: Strip Club Donation To Keep Texas Little League From Closing, Turned Down!

A small town in Texas', whose Little League summer baseball season was about to be closed but was saved a few weeks ago by contributions from near-by strip club, Alice Aglow!, has changed it's mind. Now the parents have decided to let the season g...

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Football's Biggest Ever Scandal - The London Club Player And The 6'5" Homicidal New York Drug Dealing Transvestite Wife Beater And Welfare Scrounger

Funny story: Football's Biggest Ever Scandal - The London Club Player And The 6'5" Homicidal New York Drug Dealing Transvestite Wife Beater And Welfare Scrounger

It's a story that transcends football, a story that transcends human decency, a story of such utter depravity and Machiavellian machinations that the tabloids daren't run it. It's the story of a prominent London footballer's association with a six...

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The Giant Chicken Of Goosey Holler, Kentucky (Bluegrass #7)

Funny story: The Giant Chicken Of Goosey Holler, Kentucky (Bluegrass #7)

(1947 At Pete's Country Store) Pete's Country Store is crowded with at least seven people when Aunt Edna comes in to order her snuff. "I'll need a couple boxes of Honeydipper Snuff, Pete. Why's everbody here. Somebody have an unexpected baby?" "You and that snuff. They say that and cigarettes causes cancer Aunt Edna." "Shoot. That stuff gets me through the day. Also works as a enimah...

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Peyton Manning Shocks Sports World - Quits NFL For Ailing Limey Soccer Outfit

Funny story: Peyton Manning Shocks Sports World - Quits NFL For Ailing Limey Soccer Outfit

Sports fans on both sides of the Atlantic were stunned today to learn that iconic Indianapolis Colts quarterback, Peyton Manning, has quit the NFL to play soccer in England. And his choice of club could not be further from the heady heights he enj...

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Bear Grylls sacked because he couldn't stop whistling, "I will survive", a gay iconic song!

Funny story: Bear Grylls sacked because he couldn't stop whistling, "I will survive", a gay iconic song!

Global survivor and lover of warm, comfy hotel beds whilst out there in the wilderness (?), Bear Grylls, has been sacked by Discovery Channel. He wasn't sacked for drinking too much bears pee or eating giant bumble bees, no! He was sacked because he...

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Romney Urges Americans to Eat More Red Meat

Funny story: Romney Urges Americans to Eat More Red Meat

In an effort to solidify support in the Midwest, Mitt Romney held a press conference in Jefferson City, Missouri, to address what he called a "glaring gap" in Republican policy: nutrition. Romney told carnivorous voters that Missouri, the second-lead...

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Obama Gifts Cameron

U.S. President Barack Obama received PM David Cameron this morning with a 19 gun salute and Fife and Drum performance on the lawn of the White House. With his poll numbers dropping precipitously into the unfavorable range in the U.S. and abroad, the...

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Queen loses a right royal packet backing three-legged no hoper in Queen Mother Champion Chase

Funny story: Queen loses a right royal packet backing three-legged no hoper in Queen Mother Champion Chase

Cheltenham, Gloucs - Deprived of insider betting tips from jump racing's tipping grand masters Charlie and Rebekah Brooks the Queen went with her gut feeling this afternoon to back 20/1 no hoper Wishful Thonking. Witnesses say HM blithely placed a...

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Beached Sea Bream Stuns Marine Biologists By Holding Its Breath For 12 Hours

Funny story: Beached Sea Bream Stuns Marine Biologists By Holding Its Breath For 12 Hours

A North Sea sea bream left residents of Fallshore flabbergasted yesterday as it beached itself and then held its breath for 12 whole hours while it waited for the tide to come back in. The sea bream, whose name is Jerry, stubbornly refused to acce...

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World Snooker Championship postponed Due to Milky Chalk...'

Funny story: World Snooker Championship postponed Due to Milky Chalk...'

Eltham, England - The World Snooker Championships got off to a rocky start on the lower southeast side of London this week. Hosted in Eltham at the New Old World Snooker Club on 233 Eltham High Street, murder seems to be the only name of the game so...

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Mitt Romney's Travel Menu Confirms a Bland Candidate

Funny story: Mitt Romney's Travel Menu Confirms a Bland Candidate

Accidentally falling into the hands of reporters yesterday, Mitt Romney's campaign bus travel menu may indicate more about the candidate than he would prefer. Like other candidates on the campaign trail, Romney travels with his own cooking staff a...

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Lindsay Lohan Opens Porsche Driving School for Young Girls

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Opens Porsche Driving School for Young Girls

In a preemptive move to what most experts believe will be another prolonged series of court appearances for Ms. Lohan, Lindsay announced early this morning that she will be opening a series of charm and driving schools for young aspiring actresses.

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Pop Star Pink Gets Even Pinker

Funny story: Pop Star Pink Gets Even Pinker

She's working on a new album and her hair is back to being pink. But that's not the whole story. No way! Friends report that the pop star has become totally obsessed with the color pink, buying herself a pink Jaguar, having her home (inside and...

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Sanatorium for US Presidency

Funny story: Sanatorium for US Presidency

Rick Sanatorium has taken a major step towards the US Presidency with cackle wins in a couple of God fearing American states. This brings the time closer when America will be taken to a Sanatorium Utopia where effigies of Darwin will be burnt in cele...

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Rebekah & Charlie for Cameron

Funny story: Rebekah & Charlie for Cameron

David Cameron has the full support of Rebekah and Charlie Brooks, following their questioning concerning allegations of perverting the Prime Minister. 'We can definitely affirm' they announced in a joint statement, released today by Andy Coulson '...

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Scouts earn their bong badge

Funny story: Scouts earn their bong badge

Scouts at the 12th Blackpool Scout Troop near Blackpool have all shown their ingenuity by recycling discarded rubbish to make a variety of bongs. "I'm very pleased with my lads," said scout leader, Clover Garlic. "Some of the designs have been qui...

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American Idol's Gentle Giant, 6-Foot-8-Inch Jermaine Jones, Has Been Disqualified

Funny story: American Idol's Gentle Giant, 6-Foot-8-Inch Jermaine Jones, Has Been Disqualified

HOLLYWOOD - Last week after Jennifer Lopez' favorite performer Jeremy Rosado was eliminated from American Idol it left twelve AI hopefuls. But an interesting development has developed and now there will actually only be eleven contestants left in...

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Taylor Swift Denies The Tattoo Rumors

Funny story: Taylor Swift Denies The Tattoo Rumors

BEVERLY HILLS - Taylor Swift was recently seen having a nice quiet dinner with one of her high school friends Skeeter Sue Quailberger at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in 90210. After the two girls left the restaurant they were approache...

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A Computer Program Made to Eliminate All Home Threats Kills Owner

Funny story: A Computer Program Made to Eliminate All Home Threats Kills Owner

GADSEN AL (ABSNN) -- Bill Gates, the MicroSoft Gazillionaire has one. The Convent of the Queer has one. queen mudder has one. And so did Gadsen, Alabama native Sonny Daze, but his killed him! What did all of these people have, and what killed...

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Know Your Enemy

Funny story: Know Your Enemy

President Obama visited a truck manufacturing plant in Georgia this past week where he had promised to make an important announcement. As reporters were still gathering in the publicity center, an ABC correspondent blindsided President Obama with a question about his association with Communists, past and present. Before the President was able to formulate a reply, the reporter followed quickly...

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Food Poisoning Reported at White House Dinner Party

Funny story: Food Poisoning Reported at White House Dinner Party

Washington DC: Emergency medical technicians (EMTs) from the George Washington University (GWU) Hospital were called to the White House dining room to treat several individuals for food poisoning. President Obama and the First Lady were not taken ill...

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Tiger Woods Could Be Extinct In 12 Years If Unprotected

Funny story: Tiger Woods Could Be Extinct In 12 Years If Unprotected

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia-Tiger Woods could become extinct in 12 years if companies he's still a spokesperson for fail to take quick action to protect their image and step up the fight against infidelity, global celeb experts told a "Tiger summit" S...

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Irish Astronomers: Vensus will collide with Jupiter Friday, Will it spell the end? American astronomers say 'Poppycock!"

Funny story: Irish Astronomers: Vensus will collide with Jupiter Friday, Will it spell the end? American astronomers say 'Poppycock!"

DUBLIN (ABSNN) -- Irish astronomers told the press today that the planets Venus and Jupiter will collide at 0327 GMT this coming Friday. The two planets seem only inches away this evening and may be seen in the Western sky said astronomers. "We'r...

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