Terrorists forget to strike on 9/11 for the ninth year in a row
Forgetful Islamic terrorists have missed the opportunity to attack the US on September 11th for the ninth year in a row after refusing to accept the Gregorian calendar used by the Infidels of the West. The Islamic calendar consists of 354 days, 10...
Read full storyJohn James , Josie split over JLS contraception clash
Today, the world went into mass depression at the news of a horrendous, dark break-up between Big Brother lovers John James Parton and Josie Gibson. The split, which has been described as 'devastating' and 'heartbreaking', was caused by an argumen...
Read full storyDonald Trump Offers To Buy Ground Zero Land In Manhattan, Mecca!
Wealthy real estate giant Donald Trump offered to buy the land from an Islamic group in order to prevent it from building a mosque there and have constant troubles with security and "nutcases". "If I can't purchase the ground, New York will fill...
Read full storyLocal Man In Giant Rabbit Horror Shocker In Late Night Garage En Route To Collecting Chinese Takeaway
For most sensible individuals, 9/11 is a day for contemplation, in respect for the feelings of the loved ones of the unfortunate victims of the 2001 outrage. For Martin Shuttlecock, 23, and dashingly handsome in a rakish kind of way, (Complete fab...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Is A Woman Says Daniel Radcliffe!
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe says that the first time he heard Justin Bieber sing he thought he was a woman. "And he still does", according to his friend, Neil Solomon. "Yeah, Daniel says that he thinks Bieber is a woman. He even went to...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan: Adam Lambert Takes My Personal Items
Troubled actress Lindsay Lohan, fresh out of jail and rehab, says that she always has personal items missing when she invites singer Adam Lambert to one of her parties. "I don't mean that I don't like the guy. He's great and fun to be around. But...
Read full storyAnn Widdecome to Win Strictly Come Dancing
Anne Widdecombe has emerged as the early front-runner to win strictly come dancing. All the book makers think she's great and just fantastic. She's a typical example of girls who are doing it for themselves and also, of course, she's the action her...
Read full story9/11 people protest
On September the 11th, 2001, over 3000 people died through terrorist attacks in New York. Relatives of the victims have organised a protest every year since then. The protesters are not protesting against the terrorists attacks themselves, but ra...
Read full storyPensacola Pastor To Burn The Book 'Bambi' In Protest of Sarah Palin's Hunting
PENSACOLA - Pastor Jerry Tones of The Church At The Top of The Stairs in Pensacola said that he is taking one of the all-time great children's stories Bambi and he will be burning the book in his assigned parking space at his church as a protest.
Read full storyNew study reveals Spoof writers are 'attention-seeking narcissists with low self-esteem and no social skills'.
A new study on Spoof writers has thrown up some interesting conclusions. Researchers say that spoof-writing is a "refuge for people with low self-esteem; no personal relationships or social life leading them to becoming narcissists". "These pe...
Read full storyPixie Lott Photoshopped Nude Calendar Sales Rise Following X-Factor Appearance
Following Pixie Lott's appearance as a guest X-Factor judge, sales of photoshopped and completely faked nude calendar shots of the singer have soared at the sole outlet, Ali Bullo's kebab van in Basingstoke. Ali Bullo would like us to point out th...
Read full storyNow that mad, controlling 'Christian' pastor has been muzzled, time for moderate Muslims to do the same to 'mad, controlling, hateful evil Islamist fundamentalist' clerics
So-called 'Christian' Pastor Terry Jones has been consigned to the dung heap of stupidity - where he rightfully belongs. The man was an idiot from the get-go but was given his 15 minutes of fame and place in history thanks to the salivating media pa...
Read full storyJustin Bieber To Guest Star On CSI: Las Vegas, CSI: Miami, and CSI: New York
HOLLYWOOD - The extremely popular young singing star from Canada Justin Bieber will be pretty busy making the rounds of the CSI series. He will be starring in CSI: Las Vegas as Jason McCann, a kid who gets into a lot trouble because of his quasi-a...
Read full storyJennifer Thompson employed as physiotherapist at Manchester United?!
Wayne Rooney's friend Jennifer Thompson has been employed as a physiotherapist to the footballers at Manchester United. The fragrant young lady - who having finished her degree in Classics at Cambridge University completed an MA at the Finishing scho...
Read full storySeeking "perfection in everything"? Then 10-10-10 or Oct 10, 2010 is your lucky day!
Numbers are big when it comes to Chinese superstition. Take the number 8 for instance. According to the Chinese 8-8-8, as in August 8, 2008 saw a big upsurge in the number of weddings taking place in China. Why? Because 8-8-8 translates to "ma...
Read full storyCoronation Street Veterans To Release Nude Charity Calendar?
The Manchester rumour-mill has been working overtime over the last few days, and is now buzzing with the news that a group of veteran Coronation Street actresses are to pose nude for a series of charity calendar shots. Word in town has it that the...
Read full storyLocal Man To Celebrate 9/11?
Local man Martin Shuttlecock was staying tight lipped as to whether he would be going out to celebrate September 11th with his long suffering wife Anne. When we spoke to him, Shuttlecock was watching the Lancashire derby game between Burnley and P...
Read full storyJustin Bieber 'Upset' As Kim Kardashian Nude Photo Shoot Pics Resurface
It wasn't only Kim Kardashian who was unhappy that a nude photo spread she did for Playbog Magazine back in 2006 had resurfaced and was being splashed all over the internet. Apparently Justin Bieber was a bit miffed too, because Kim is his friend,...
Read full storyJustin Bieber And Selena Gomez 'Not An Item' Says Insider
A Hollywood insider today announced that despite widespread rumours, Justin Bieber, and 'Wizards Of Waverly Place' star Selena Gomez are most definitely not an item. The lady insider told us that the two 'young uns' are just friends who have a dee...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Texts Supportive Message To Wayne Rooney - Jesse James Asks: "Who The F*ck Is Wayne Rooney Anyway?"
Reports coming in are suggesting that occasionally bedraggled diva, Amy Winehouse has sent a text message of support to Wayne Rooney as the Manchester United and England striker's troubles show no sign of abating. At this point, it isn't clear exa...
Read full storySimon Cowell Calls Lou Reed's Refusal To Let Susan Boyle Sing His Song Simply A Sad, Sad Case of Sour Grapes
LONDON - Simon Cowell has spoken out against Lou Reed's refusal to let Susan Boyle, aka SuBo, sing the song "Perfect Day" which he wrote back in 1972. Miss Boyle, the sensational songstress from Scotland was supposed to have sung the song on Ameri...
Read full storyU.S. Announces Surge of Buzzwords and Catchphrases In Afghanistan
In an attempt to stabilize and improve the security situation in Afghanistan the United States government announced today a second "surge," this one consisting of buzzwords and catchphrases. The cliches, many coming directly from deployment in Iraq,...
Read full storyEverton Fans Stage Cheeky Blow-Up Sex Doll Tribute To The Absent Wayne Rooney
Although he may have been absent from the Everton/Manchester United clash at Goodison Park, accused philanderer Wayne Rooney was still the butt of a jolly jape by Everton supporters. As United lined up for a first half free kick at the Gladwys Str...
Read full storyMen Who Dance Like Peacocks Get the Women
Results of a new study out by British Scientists prove that the more flamboyant a dancer a man is, the more women he gets. This flies directly in the face of the old thinking where if a man does anything that is described as flamboyant, he's not all...
Read full storyTaxman Says "Shove It!"
Leaked documents reveal a high level of arrogance within the Internal Revenue. Dave Hartnett, Permanent Secretary at Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs had already surprised the public by stating on a radio programme that he saw no reason to apolog...
Read full storyArizona Governor Bans El Nino in Arizona
Listen up cold fronts, heat waves, highs and lows, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has just issued another of her famous edicts, this time aimed against the weather phenomenon known as El Nino. "As far as I and the citizens of the State of Arizona are co...
Read full storyWorld's Biggest Ice Chunk Smacks into Margarita Island
It can only be presumed as Mother Nature's ultimate joke. The world's biggest ice chunk broke loose from Greenland last month, traveled down the Nares Straight, also known in geographical circles as the ice chute, and ran smack dab against Joe's Isla...
Read full storyGazza is Roo's DNA Pa say Salford slapper sources
Manchester - (Gonads): "Always thought there was something congenital about the two," the Salford Slappers Escort Agency commented today. The hooker bureau has claimed 57-times capped England midfielder Paul Gascoigne's own goal spawned Man U stri...
Read full storyObama - the most likeable president ever?
President Obama have achieved a stunning 703 points on the Liqasse benchmark, an advanced system for measuring politicians ability to bend over for all kind of ppl. -This is a historical landmark, no president has ever been close to this, says Mr.
Read full storyRooney Seeks Solace in Bus
Wayne Rooney is seeking solace from his marital problems by refusing to leave the Mancehster United team bus. United arrived at Goodison Park for their Premier League game with Everton today, but the potato-headed England striker refused to disembar...
Read full storyJustice Minister Jonathan Danglejolly hired detectives to spy on aids
The political future of the Justice minister Jonathan Jangledolly was in the balance last night after he provoked fury by hiring private detectives to spy on a disease that started in Africa and then made its way around the world, he is also annoying...
Read full storyThe Terry Jones/Alamo Conspiracy
Nine years ago to the day, a new publishing house was created. Alamo Publications opened their doors for the first time in New York. We all know the story of the fort in Texas, the Alamo, which is forever etched in American history. However, what is...
Read full storyMr Potato Head to sue over Wayne Rooney slur
Mr Potato Head, the American, potato shaped toy has been a favourite among kids since the 1950s. Its inventor, the real Mr Potato Head, who, like his toy, has detachable facial furniture and a head shaped like a potato, would spend hours amusing h...
Read full storyEx-Prisoners to Become Volunteer Policemen
In an imaginative scheme to solve the twin problems of Prison overcrowing and the difficulties arising from the reduction of the police force, Ken Clarke has blustered in with a scheme he dreamt up during his latest trip to Ronnie Scott's. He want...
Read full storyFDA to investigate explosion, fire in San Bruno, California
WASHINGTON, DC - FDA Secretary Thomas J. Vilsack has assigned a task-force to investigate the recent natural-gas explosion and fire that killed four and injured scores in San Bruno, California. When asked why the FDA was investigating, Vilsack res...
Read full storyGainesville Pastor Changes Burn a Koran Day to Burn a Cher CD Day to Protest Homosexuality
On the eve of the anniversary of the bombings of 9/11, Terry Jones was still holding the media captive with his "will he or won't he" game regarding the burning of the Quran. At the eleventh hour, however, he finally made this announcement "While the...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Soaks Twitter Birds with Water Balloons
Twitter, the social networking service, was in a tizzy for a while yesterday. But it wasn't because of mechanical problems. No, Siree. The trouble was caused when singer Justin Bieber threw water balloons at a pack of twitter birds, soaking and frig...
Read full storyPolice Cutbacks - 'Brilliant Idea' Say Criminals
Criminals across the UK have greeted the news of radical cutbacks in Britain's police service with a resounding thumbs up. "That'll do for me," Freddie 'Fatfingers' Kosilikit of the Russian Mafia told us. "They're a pain in the arse, the Dibble. I...
Read full storySaint Gazza taxis into Manchester to save Wayne & Coleens marriage
Paul Gascoigne, ex footballer, now turned 'freelance negotiator' caught a Taxi to Manchester last night, apparently at great cost, offering to help Wayne Rooney and Coleen Rooney with their current marriage problems. Following his recent 'appearan...
Read full storyBig Brother Brian Dowling Wins 'Final' Show
There were screams of delight in the Big Brother studio last night when the realisation slowly dawned on fans that the Big Brother dynasty had finally come to an end. Former air steward Brian Dowling won Ultimate Big Brother, which featured 'top'...
Read full storyBritney Spears' Bodyguard Sues For Sexual Harassment!
Fernando Flores has accused singer Britney Spears of sexually harassing him during the five months that he worked for her. His statement read that Spears was constantly exposing herself to him while he worked for her and made other unwanted sexual...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Warned - Evertonians Will Sing 'No Woman No Kai' From The Stands
Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has been warned that he faces a 'bloody nightmare' if he plays at Goodison Park today, by manager Sir Alex Ferguson. He has also been tipped off that Evertonians, still smarting over his £25 million defection...
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