Written by manbrad

Saturday, 11 September 2010

In an attempt to stabilize and improve the security situation in Afghanistan the United States government announced today a second "surge," this one consisting of buzzwords and catchphrases. The cliches, many coming directly from deployment in Iraq, will serve to reframe and clarify success metrics for an American public fatigued by a decade of conflict. President Obama said, "The time has come for accountability and shared responsibility in Afghanistan. We accomplish this mission by setting achievable goals that will conform to a realistic timetable."

Pundits on television, in print and on the internet, immediately began debating the deployment with prolix written articles and vociferous, insulting televised arguments. The commentators, all American, none with any military, diplomatic or governmental experience, made predictions about the new strategy even though all of them have been 100% wrong on all previous war-related predictions.

At a briefing, General David Petraeus said, "There is a new paradigm in Afghanistan and we will work within these new parameters to implement a success-oriented strategy that meets or exceeds measurable benchmarks agreed upon by all involved parties. As of now we've already put 34% of the 2010-2011 roadmap in place. Now we just need to execute."

After the briefing a highly placed U.S. official said on condition of anonymity, "There's no way we're gonna win here. We're just going to continue bombing and strafing these ragheads until congress stops giving us money."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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