California's Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Says He Will Be Outlawing Halloween
SACRAMENTO - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger sat in his California governor's mansion and told a throng of assembled reporters that he has decided to ban the age old tradition of Halloween. The governor said that there are several reasons why he ha...
Read full storyDrug Mule "Deep Ass" To Give Evidence In Court
Finally some direct evidence on the Mexican Drug Cartel will be given by "Henrietta" in a court in Arizona this morning. Henrietta is a direct descendant of "Francis The Talking Mule" and is one of only three talking mules left in the world. "I'l...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Leaves Nothing To the Imagination On Nude Cover
Kim Kardashian is reportedly taking it all off for the cover of "W" Magazine and also spilling her guts as well. "At 29, I need to flaunt it while I still can", stated the lady to The Daily Blabbermouth. "I'm a lot more self-assured than I once wa...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera, Jordan Bratman Separate
Singer Christina Aguilera is now up for grabs! Although the pop star, 29, told all her fans less than a year ago that she felt "very blessed" in her union with music executive Jordan Bratman, 33, a source says that they were already separated at t...
Read full storyJames Wisniewski Shows Steve Avery How To Brush Rear Molars, Gets Suspended.
The four people who still follow ice hockey are up in arms over the NHL's decision to suspend Islanders defenseman James Wisniewski, after Wisniewski took time out of his busy day to show Rangers douchebag Sean Avery the proper way to brush the rear...
Read full storyPut Down The Assless Chaps and Pick Up A Gun: Judge Finally Orders Military to Stop Enforcing 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'
It took a lawsuit from the LCR -- a group of Gay Republicans, as if there were any non-gay Republicans-- to do what President Obama couldn't: The group was successful in getting a federal Judge to order the military to stop enforcing 'don't ask, don...
Read full storyJohn Gotti Endorses Paladino For New York Godfather
The Teflon Don, John Gotti, formally endorsed Carl Paladino for New York Governor over Andrew Cuomo. Although Gotti, boss of the Gambino crime family, died June 10, 2002, he is still feared because of his ability to defy the long arm of the law, inc...
Read full storyMugabee Given Asylum
News has leaked out that Robert Mugabee secretly entered Britain last week and was given political asylum and refugee status. He flew in on a special British Airways flight which then filled up with 197 refused asylum seekers who were being forcef...
Read full storyAmericans Kill Aid Worker
The Americans have admitted blowing up a kidnapped aid worker in Afghanistan whilst attempting to rescue her. The incident has brought back memories of the Iraq invasion when only one British soldier was killed by the enemy, the rest were killed b...
Read full storyPope's back on the sauce
Rome - (Spirit Level): "Eez pisst," Papal Palace barman Pepe Ponzi said today. "No justa communion wine either. Kirsch, slivovitz, maybe grappa slammaz. Make 'im smell like ho's armpit. Na zdrawie." Last weekend's secret toxicology tests on th...
Read full story18-inch sex toy found in arrested man's pants!
Louisville, UNITED STATES: In the land of the free Louisville Metro Police spotted a Louisville male, strolling about the place with a large bulge in his pants. Officers stopped the Louisville man and patted him down. They discovered the huge...
Read full story"¡El Yaarrrgh, Matey!" (Some of the) Body Of Lead Investigator in David Hartley Murder Delivered to Authorities by Mexican Pirates.
"¡El Arrrgh!" exclaimed Mexican pirates, after the lead investigator of the David Hartley murder's severed head was delivered --C.O.D., by the way-- to the Mexican Army, according to Fox News, which never reports incorrect information. Use Fed-Ex...
Read full storyNorton Folgate's Thoughts on Life, The Universe and Conkers
Latest Thoughts From Professor Norton Folgate, the World's Leading Expert on Things in His Own Head: My grass needs cutting regularly. Why can't someone invent self cutting grass? Or cannibalistic grass. Grass that eats itself. It would save people a lot of time and make the world a nicer place to live in. You wouldn't get all these ne'er do wells leaving their grass to get too long and all...
Read full storyAniston and Arquette "a couple"
After the news broke of Courtney Cox Arquette and David Arquette's marriage breakdown, David was quick to jump to his defense confirming that it was not he who had an affair, and it was in fact, his lesbanon wife Courtney. David revealed that un...
Read full storyCourtney Arquette Removes the Cox: Well, David Arquette's, Anyway.
David Arquette To Howard Stern: "I'm Drowning My Sorrows Inside Jasmine Waltz." The Vag-wagon at the Courtney Cox/David Arquette abode is resting on its brake drums upon cinder blocks; so says David Arquette, who just set his plan to reunite with...
Read full storyJust get UK house prices down to Polish levels and then UK can compete on the world stage!
Policy Think Tank, London: High house prices are a blight on this country. How can the UK compete in global markets if everyone needs high wages just to put a roof over their head? Just get UK house prices down to Polish levels and we can all start...
Read full storyCrocodile Dundee to sell his "Boozer", Mel Gibson and Russel Crowe want it very badly, "booze"!
The Australian boozer frequented by famous Aussie monument, Crocodile Dundee, is to be flogged. The current pub owner has had enough of telling Crocodile Dundee stories to passing tourists and Aborigine "Walkabouter's" in fact he's so sick of peop...
Read full storyPelosi's Vibrating Underwear Malfunctions at LAX
Los Angeles, CA -- As Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was going through the body-scanning machine at Los Angeles International Airport, her vibrating underwear "just went nuts," according to an eyewitness, "she started twisting her legs, grabbing...
Read full storyPam Anderson, Jenna Jamison Approve Deep Water Drilling
Hot on the news of the potential for lifting the deep water oil drilling ban in the Gulf of Mexico, aging porn stars and yesterday's Hollywood starlets are also reminding the public that their platforms are open for drilling as well. Pamela Anders...
Read full storyGay Man Annoys Neighbour By Putting His Penis in Wife's Ear
A gay man has been sending his neighbour around the bend with his hilarious pranks. Larry Sabu, 20, likes nothing better than sliding into bed next to his neighbour's wife and slotting his flaccid penis into her ear, then taking a picture of it, p...
Read full storyUK Father jailed for hosing down his son after he wet his pants?
A particularly caring UK father had had enough of his boy child wetting his pants so he decided to really show the boy what wet pants are by hosing him down with cold water AAAAGH! The only difference between the boy wetting his pants and his dad...
Read full storyTrapped Chilian Miners Are Gay
The eyes of the world have been focused on the dramatic rescue attempts in Chile lately, but unknown to their families and many media observers, the men have secretly 'turned gay'. Insider, Larry Sabu, 20, told this reporter that the miners have g...
Read full storyPharmaceutical Giants Merge to Produce Popular Combo-Meds
Long thought to be a hard sell to the rigid Securities and Exchange Commission, pharmaceutical giants Pfizor and Kings Medical will apparently complete their merger this week while also preparing to introduce a new line of specialty drugs to market.
Read full storyMeg Whitman Calls Jerry Brown a Gigolo
SACRAMENTO, CA - Gubernatorial hopeful, Jerry Brown, called his opponent, Meg Whitman a "F*cking Whore" who would go down on an elephant for a campaign donation. California Attorney General Jerry Brown, left a phone message in September for a unio...
Read full storyChilean Miners Admit They Were Mining For Semolina
One of the miners trapped in the Chilean Mining Disaster, has admitted in an interview with reporters that he and his colleagues were actually involved in exploratory excavations of semolina. Semolina is the coarse, purified wheat middlings of dur...
Read full storyTexas Gay Pride March To Become Monthly Event
Gay marchers were celebrating tonight after it was announced that the annual gay march is to become a monthly event in the state of Texas, where there is an ever-increasing number of confirmed homosexuals. Currently, the march is held once a year,...
Read full storyThe Five People You Meet In Hell.
Coming years after the applaud laden success of his beloved novel, 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven, author Mitch Albom now returns to the best seller charts with 'The Five People You Meet In Hell' (Important Note- This is not a sequel- very much...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Has Been Found Hiding in Chilean Mine!
In a world exclusive, In Seine News can reveal the whereabouts of the world's most (un)wanted criminal Osama bin Laden. The former terrorist/CIA agent (now retired), has remained elusive for the past decade even though a $20 million bounty has been o...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Add Gay Cheerleaders In Bid To Kickstart Season
America's football team, the Dallas Cowboys, are set to introduce their most novel innovation yet, a gay cheerleading unit, which, it is hoped, will be the spark that changes the team's luck after a poor start to the season. The Cowboys loss to th...
Read full storyPart #12: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
Part #12: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date' 10. Over 98% of all car crash fatalities happen within ten feet of the car! 9. The role of "Benjamin" played by Dustin Hoffman in "The Graduate" was originally offered to Don Knotts. 8. When making an arrest in New York City, policemen not only have to read you your legal rights but also bring you up to date scores of the Jets, Mets, Giants,...
Read full storyKe$ha and $elena Gomez To Star In "$ $ign$"
CALEXICO, California - Ke$ha recently performed before a sell out crowd of 42,000, at Calexico's El Tamale Arena. She sang her biggest hits including "Tik Tok" and the follow up song "Tik Tit Tat" and "Blah Blah Blah" and the follow up song "Ha Ha...
Read full story3-in-4 Texans are Gay
It's been reported that men in Texas, the so-called Lone Star State have embraced gay culture much more than was previously thought, with new statistics suggesting that 75% of males there prefer the 'close company' of other men. The news will come...
Read full storyChilean Miners Now being Interviewed by Ines Sainz in their Chamber
Last night under the cover of darkness the Chilean Government strapped Ines Sainz into the rescue capsule and lowered her down the mine shaft where she was enthusiastically greeted by 33 Chilean gold miners trapped there for the past two months. Ines...
Read full storyBristol Palin Wants To Quit 'Dancing With The Stars' After Placing 8th - Mama Palin Tells Her "Nope! Ya Know The Palins Don't Quit"
HOLLYWOOD - It was quite a rough night for Bristol Palin on the latest edition of Dancing With The Stars. Bristol and her partner Mark Ballas finished dancing their rumba number to the song "Umbrella" and an embarrassed young Palin surely must hav...
Read full storyAliens attack Statue of Liberty with gamma ray laser
Ellis Island - (Portents): A massive attack on individuals' liberty was seen today as inhuman bastards struck the Statue of Liberty with a bolt from the blue. Witnesses say the light beam came from the sky in a totally unprovoked act on democracy...
Read full storyOur Lady of Fatima predicted 13 October 2010 disaster
San Jose - (Earthworks): The Virgin's 1917 prophecies described a 'vision of hell' behind a cover story about 33 trapped Chilean miners in a collapsed San Jose gold and copper mine. The ancient numerology reference scared the church shitless at th...
Read full storyDavid Icke Names Queen's New Luxury Liner
David Icke, the former sports presenter, turned conspiracy theorist, had the honour yesterday of naming the Queen's new luxury cruise liner. Mr Icke, 52, who once suggested that the Royal Family were all lizards in human form, was at Southampton d...
Read full storyNorton Folgate's Thoughts on the Combstion Engine and Alternative Fuels
The Latest Thoughts from the World Renowned Professor Norton Folgate: If someone invented an engine that ran on water, it wouldn't be as good an idea as they, or you, might think. Yeah it would be as cheap as chips, well cheaper seeing the fucking price of chips these days; over ten bastard quid for two fish and frigging chips, but what would happen in the summer? When we all have a hosep...
Read full storyInterview With Afghan Freedom Fighter
An important part of the American strategy in Afghanistan is to train the Afghan army. The Spoof had an opportunity to interview one of the trainees, using a translator. Ken: So, Batoor, how is the training going? Batoor: Not too bad. The coffee's good and they pay well. Three meals a day, can't complain. Ken: How about the training itself? Batoor: Well, those guys in the spac...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Lonley Heart gets more than he bargained for
Ryde man, 35, GSOH, would like to meet woman 25-35, NS, for illicit affair. Secrecy guaranteed. Box 7. So read the ad that we ran three weeks ago. Kyle Lars got more than he bargained for when his ad was answered, and he arranged to meet up with t...
Read full storyChile Miner's Say Goodbye to Cave Dwelling Hermit People
Chilean miner's should finally be rescued tomorrow after spending 69 days trapped below the surface. The miners relayed messages to the media, briefly stating that they have been able to survive because of each other, their faith and their new frien...
Read full storyTrapped miners reveal how they survive the tomb of death
With the 33 Chilean miners soon to find themselves back on the surface stories of survival techniques are now been told by their loved ones. Susan Muvova the wife of Horga a trapped miner told us how US survival specialists convinced the men to st...
Read full storyGap scraps "crap" plaque, exec chaps backtrack after net based backlash
Oh that naughty internet has been at it again, causing trouble where there is none. Poor old Gap, all they did was change their logo from the old, white lettering in a blue box, to something that, admittedly looks a bit like a low end of the marke...
Read full storyBrown to leave United?
It looks like Wes Brown has 'shot his bolt' at Manchester United after a big row with none other than Alex Fergusson. The row took place during their summer tour of the USA and ended in a verbal row. Brown told us 'Roons (Rooney) had organised a t...
Read full storyGap Scrap New Logo After Customers Refuse To Wear Clothes With The Word 'Gay' On Them
The US clothes retailer Gap has scrapped a new logo just one week after its introduction following an outpouring of outrageous gay comments online. Gap's original logo, which has used been used for more than 20 years, has a blue box with "GAP" wri...
Read full storyChilean Minors Arrested at the Oasis Bar & Grill in Calama
Nine boys ranging in age from fourteen to seventeen years old were arrested yesterday at a local watering hole in Calama, Chile, after posing as rescued workers from the nearby Atacama Desert copper mine disaster. Dressed in dirty coveralls, nearl...
Read full storyGadget show presenter caught cheating!
On Channel five's The Gadget Show, last night, one of the presenters, Jensen Bradbury (mental age 10) , was caught cheating when he tried to get a 'hole-in-one' on a golf course, allegedly in Birmingham. Bradbury employed a missile (ex-NASA) to tr...
Read full storyMan refused residence in UK
John Bull has been refused the right of permanent residence in the UK. This is despite both his parents being British, his father having served as an officer in the Coldstream Guards. Additionally, Mr Bull's three daughters and grandson all live in t...
Read full storyLibDems Dilemma
Having pledged as a Party and individually at the Election to oppose raising Student fees, Liberal Democrats are faced with a problem. In a way it is easy to solve - oppose the increase in student fees and be true to their pledges. On the other ha...
Read full storyFirst baby Aston Martin to be born in captivity.
The Cygnet, as a hatchling Aston Martin is known, is to be born at the Gaydon headquarters in Warwickshire, England. The process has been a long and tiring one, allegedly due to how difficult it is to get two old lumbering Aston Martins to mate, n...
Read full storyCoalition enters Administration!
With a staggering national debt hanging around their necks, it will come as no surprise that the European Commissions Board placed the British Coalition Government into administration. Top financial expert Meester Smitt was called in to take over...
Read full storyWayne And Colleen - Prague Trip Passes Safely
There were sighs of relief throughout eastern and central Europe this week as Wayne and Coleen returned home from Prague without sparking a 30-year conflict. As we reported last week, there were concerns that Coleen might exact a terrible revenge...
Read full storyMinka Kelly pictures herself as a flawed old lady
Although Minka Kelly has been dubbed the "Sexiest Woman Alive" by Esquire Magazine, she says "I'm cool with my flaws and all that stuff" which is nice, as the as the once young screen actress and former scrubber, is now well on her way to being too o...
Read full storyMacShite Crappy Meal shows no signs of decomposing after 6 years
A woman who bought a MacShite Crappy Meal 6 years ago, and absentmindedly forgot to eat it after taking it home, has recently discovered it in a cupboard in her kitchen. Mrs Doreen Dipshit, a shamefully hard working, happily married mother of two,...
Read full storyPrisons will close due to too few prisoners, governors claim
Prison governors have warned that jails could close, as fewer criminals are set to receive custodial sentences. The claim is made in response to new sentencing guidelines, which could see upto 7,000 fewer people being given time inside. Chairman o...
Read full storyKatie Waissel - World's Most Hated
X Factor contestant Katie Waissel is officially the most hated person in the world - ever! Already 2,200 viewers have joined the "I hate Katie Waissel" group on Facebook. More than 11,000 joind "Get Katie Waissel out and Get Gamu Nhengu in" after...
Read full storyStill Crotchety Andy Rooney Uses Fewer Words
Somewhere in the Continental United States - Regular 60 Minutes contributor, Andy Rooney, disappointed fans this week saying simply "Screw you, America. I'm ninety-one years old, I can say whatever random thoughts pop into my head, and it will still...
Read full storyHistory Review: She-Wolves: The Women Who Ruled England Before Elizabeth, by Helen Castor
Before Elizabeth I became the iconic 'Virgin Queen' four women ruled England in what was very much a man's world. Medievalist Dr Castor examines their stories. Ken Lucid writes. So. OK? I'm doing a book about women. Satisfied? I'm not kidding you, round here it's "women this, women that." It's not enough that we include the feminine side in our various modules and courses, we have set asi...
Read full storyEmergency NFL Height Rule Ends Wes Welker's NFL Career
In an unprecedented move, the National Football League's commissioner, Roger Godell, implemented an in-season minimum height rule of five foot nine and one quarter inches that took effect immediately. The rule, in essence, ended New England wide rec...
Read full storyLocal Bully Upset over Government Program to Give Amputated Frogs Doilies
Local Washington, DC bully, Bugger Maloney, has expressed anger over a recent government program that provides frogs, whose legs have been amputated and sent to local restaurants to appear on their menus as 'frog legs', a new life by saving the rest...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Getting Vajazzled to Jazz Up Kate Plus Eight
Not one to let a few cancellation rumors get her down, Kate Gosselin has decided that in order to keep herself and her kids on top of the reality show game, she is going to have to pull out all the stops. She has just announced that in an upcoming ep...
Read full storyFlorida Man Arrested for Butt Crack Cocaine
A Southwest Florida man was arrested in the wee hours of Sunday morning in what police say has to be one of the most literal cases of crack cocaine possession to go down in Florida law enforcement history. Donald "Dookey" Hutchins was caught spee...
Read full storyMcDonald's Responds to San Fran Protests by Creating Meat Toys
The controversy over whether or not McDonald's should be banned from including kids' toys in their highly popular Happy Meals just got a little more controversial when McDonald's announced plans to introduce meat toys in the meals come January to rep...
Read full story